... another weekend
another fire strike, surely someone can sort this mess out,
war looks every more lightly as well ... not good news about the
space shuttle with all 7 astronauts feared dead ...
Reading win 5-2 away from home ...
... old posts ...
31/1/03
... was sent this link by marc all about
logistics of setting up an orgy, well funny ... weebl & bob have finished all the
loose ends by completing day 7, yarr ! ... perhaps
ambitious terror attackers will soon be investigating the possibilities of cloud seeding ...
31/1/03
rant time again ... i am fed up with sport being used by small-minded people as boycott / political material and then forcing it down everyone's throat, everyone is entiltiled to make a living these days and the thought that stopping the tour of South Africa the aforementioned reasons is going to make any difference to the evil dictatorship going on there is tosh. On the other hand the poor guys being forced by the ECB, who do not want to go, can kiss their careers goodbye as they will probably never get picked for their national team again, so what choice do they have (not matter how high / low your morals are) ? For the
ICC to claim not to be a political organisation, and therefore not to make political decisions about moving matches, is a fudge. This is a highly political "indecision" caused by those without the courage to face facts or consider the "people" aspect of the cricketers. Let those nations who
don't object to the security situation in Zimbabwe and Kenya go ahead and play there by mutual consent. But the ICC must listen to those players
who are concerned for their well-being, and act to address their concerns, or this whole situation will descend into a tragedy rather than just the current farce! ... rant over ...
30/1/03
...errr... it's snowing :o) ... they're sugary, they're yellow,
they're going to save the world ... oops back to work ...
29/1/03
... ok,
this is a great time waster ... something
I for one definately need ... finally a little rant ... why oh why do some people not understand the art of conversation, quote from Idiot's Guide to Conversation:
"Most people are easily bored by listening to someone else's life story or overuse of the "I" word in any conversation. Keep this in mind when you meet someone new and ask questions about him or her. This shows the other person that you are genuinely interested in getting to know more about him or her and will prove you to be someone who is a kind and considerate person. It will also help prevent you from worrying about how you are coming across because your attention will be focused on the other person instead of yourself", I apologise if I've got this wrong but I was always taught, unless you can contribute or add to the conversation in progress,
shut the hell up !!! ... rant over ... we want one of
these ...
28/1/03
first of all some prats broke into
my mates car and on the off-chance they ever read this may a slow and painful death await you ... on a positive note big up to marc for sorting the javascript for my right frame ... englands
cricket/politics trip to South Africa looks on verge of collapse (not the team this time) ... if you were ever wondering about a vagina, location, general functions, and
modes of operation ... festival time in Montana, not work-safe ... cool version of
tetris here ... last year the
Spear Toss game became something of an online classic, and we're now glad to say that the format has been
adapted for wheelchair users ... lastly as you may know by now i work for
easynet* I am using all of my powers to surpress a
rant about this please read the
original article. I cannot believe how someone so ridiculously ignorant about the internet can write such a bad article. I'm not saying the article is libel (thats not for me to decide) but it certainly is very misleading
*this post does not reflect the views of easynet, but i'm sure i'm not the only one who thinks this guy is being an ignorant twat
27/1/03
hmmm ... what a morning, new worm
virus hits all ISP's and every customer & their dog has been calling in ... a
sweet musical bear for you ... virtual
kaleidoscope - it's, like, far out ... err piccys of
girls brushing their teeth, weird ...
26/1/03
... went to the gym again (hurts now though) ... played a bit more of
Battlefield 1942 and took kids swimming ... new CD by
Badly Drawn Boy is good ... talk later ...
24/1/03
bloody hell what a journey this morning,
M4 was a nightmare, 90 mins to do 25 miles :( ... not sure what I
make of this ... BRMB are in hot water after a
stunt went wrong ... the
kittens have been ousted and
monkeys have taken over ... no more fiddling around with boring old
Rizla packets design ur own ... any good at
scrabble, chess or connect ? ... ever wanted to
bounce like a kangaroo? ... try
this and don't worry ... Elftor is an angry
right-wing pixie who lives in a comic strip ... after several years of deliberating, dithering and whitepapering, the
UK Government has finally come out fighting in its bid to stage the 2012 Olympic Games in London ... have a good weekend all !!
23/1/03
A row has flared after the
"toffs" in Royal Windsor and Maidenhead launched a bid to split from neighbouring Slough because it is not posh enough. Campaigners want to drop the "SL" postcode for Slough and have their own, posher, WM postcode for Royal Windsor and Maidenhead.
23/1/03
ok I have changed everything to a
blog ... err ... what now ??
i know ... tired of trying to decide which
Nigerian bank to get your millions from? ... why don't we just
give up on cricket ... the Sc
hool League tables are out with
Jemma's school doing OK ... my 3-year old Rachel will be very happy, with the news that children's favourites the
Mr Men are to be revived, 15 years after the death of their creator Roger Hargreaves. Hargreave's son, Adam, has written and illustrated a set of new books featuring
six new characters Mr Cool, Mr Rude, Mr Good, Little Miss Bad, Little Miss Scary and Little Miss Whoops ...
20/1 -
by the sound of it (not sure if this is a good or bad thing) ... picked up a couple of cd's yesterday, new ones from
Feeder and
Foofighters ... finally started playing Battlefield 1942, what a blast, excellent online gaming fun for all, apart from the planes, how do u fly them properly ? ... is it just me or does this
guy get up everyones nose ... what's
wrong with the car now ...
gold-diggers heaven ...
icon wars (this is awesome) ... also considering moving all this to a blog as my mates have ... cyber-begging is taking off in a big way examples here (
1,
2 &
3)
17/1 - Happy Birthday Dad ... Couple of questions to ponder first up ... Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"? Who was the first one who thought that the white thing that came from a hen's bum looked edible? ... moving on swiftly ... think this is a
wind-up ... will
B&Q stock these ...
Nimoy sings for the Hobbits (oh dear) ...
err ?? drool ... who's is the
hairest ?? Bought Battlefield 1942 last night, then had to wait ages for a 21 MB patch to d/load so will play tonight and report later
16/1 - have to admit to being a little disturbed by events lately ... another well-known
TV personality is arrested ... why have we let over 7,000 Algerians into Britain when this type of thing happens ... economic
future looks gloomy ... more
cutbacks on the trains ... and
banana's may become extinct ... on a
lighter note though ... countdown to
new president / keep
an idiot busy /
stupid video collection ... also I have changed this site to a
frames-based structure now so hopefully
less typing and more time for better content :P
15/1 - ... went to the
local gym for first time in 6 months yesterday (a few aches & pains today). Will post more later ...
14/1 - Maxine dead and Emily with a very sore head..yes I stayed in and watched
Coronation Street with the family last night, thought it was quite gruesome for pre-eight o'clock viewing but got my attention.
13/1 -
Unreal Tournament gets a makeover ... there was a global outcry yesterday after it was announced that a
Sesame Street is to broadcast a controversial new episode that deals with the potential war with Iraq ... Chelsea
stay in 3rd after completing the double over London neighbours Charlton 4-1 ... finally bought an
Xbox on Saturday with Blinx / Sega GT2002 / Halo and Jet Set Radio (Sega GT2002 is sooooo good) ... also
Friends Reunited may be put up
for sale 7/1 - Saw Nemesis tonight (Trek 10) Not the best Trek movie - that's First Contact - but one of the better ones. It benefited from being darker than normal (like Deep Space 9) and was truly poignant at the end. Last film? Don't make me laugh - as long as they make a reasonable profit, Paramount will want more. It's a franchise remember...and one to be milked till truly dry. As for the cast, expect either a TNG reunion for a special mission (like the later TOS movies) or a mixture of the TNG and Voyager crews, with perhaps the odd DS9-er thrown in (betting on the return of Chief O'Brien to the Enterprise anyone?). I'd give it 7/10 for trying hard and having a supreme baddy. Overall it was a good movie, but it wasn't the "Wow, omigod, did you see" kinda film I was hoping for.
7/1 - some more useless facts from
anothersite...
Assuming Rudolph is in front, the number of possible way to arrange Santa's other eight reindeer is 40,320.
Divide your weight by six to get the approx. number of quarts of blood in your body.
A rat can go without water longer than a camel can.
Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor: Mint Oreo.
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
Hummingbirds are the only animal that can fly backwards.
During his life time, the average male eats 50 tons of food.
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village."
A frog can throw up. The frog throws up it's stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of it's mouth. Then the frog uses it's forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.
The human body contains enough fat to make seven bars of soap and enough iron to make a single one inch nail.
Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself. How they tested this I'm afraid to ask.
Good piccy's from
Slims page
6/1 -
stick figures have feelings...hopefully seeing
Nemesis tomorrow nite..this
made me laff also
low budget Trek...the web was made for
extreme ironing...also
Lord of the Peeps ...
5/1 - First bit of snow fell this weekend (all 17 flakes of it). Careful with dates on the net,
Elbow get the kitten treatment.
B3ta awards are in..best
photoshop picture /
my fav. /
best webgame / i liked the
suicidal puppy.. from Invisible Ink 10 Things you wish you didn't know..
1. During an hours swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 litres of urine.
2. In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles etc.)
3. In average persons yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs.
4. In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects -while you slept!
5. Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.
6. Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.
7. In a lifetime 22 workmen will have examined the contents of your dirty linen basket ???
8. At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests.
9. Daily you will breath in 1 litre of other peoples' anal gases.
10. Sharing a bag of crisps with a friend gives you a 10% chance of ingesting a small amount of their faeces.
2/1/03 - !!!
Happy New Year 2003
here we go Hope you all had a great night plenty of food and drink without overdoing it.
20/12 - Saw
LOTR last night and it was awesome v.v. highly recomended. Wife's
birthday yesterday (21 yet again) 16/12 - Very quiet weekend here,going to see
Two Towers (a.k.a. Lord of The Rings Pt II) on Thursday, only 9 days to go until Christmas, also glad to see hit
TV sitcom The Office won the Best TV Comedy and star Gervais, who plays cringeworthy boss
David Brent, was crowned Best Comedy Actor, don't forget we are live on Sky Sports this Wednesday for the Worthington Cup Clash with United, laugh material today supplied by
Joel Veitch with the return of the
kitten band.
12/12 - A star reindeer in a South African shopping mall's Christmas display has lost a little of its seasonal pride and joy. A
small piece of Michael Jackson has fallen off during a routine flight on Concorde this evening. Nobody else is reported to have been hurt or injured. Police Fight Right to Bare Buttocks. Planning application: to move Nelson's Column out of Trafalgar Square
11/12 - Bloody hell its cold..a website all about condiments looked cool and here u can view your google search results as a slide-show. Just sit back and watch the screen...pictures from weekends party, I myself am not a fan of AOL but I've got to ask if AOL sucks so bad why do so many people use them (rhetorical question. no answer needed, wanted, or expected.). Anyway, I found this
banner at eBaumsworld and thought it was funny
10/12 - Come and see what all the fuss is about, if you haven't tried out
Earth & Beyond yet, or know someone else who might like to try the demo, be sure to visit FilePlanet and get the download! It provides the full E&B game, playable for five days. And if you want to keep playing after your five days are up, you can register the retail version of the game and revive your demo characters!
In other news woman
uses baby to start car 2/12 - Blimey December already, where
has the year gone?? Spent the weekend up in London with the family and managed to cram in
Madame Tussards,
London Aquarium,
London Eye,
Rain Forest Cafe,
Chelsea vs. Sunderland and a bit of
shopping.
Oh bugger - just realised I have wiped out half my archived material, so bits I can remember will post as & when.. ...
easyhypocrite has been designed to promote awareness of the plight of businesses who use or may be planning to use the term 'easy' within their trading or domain names. This site is a specific resource for those organisations which are concerned about potentially conflicting brand interests with the easyGroup Ltd or whom may have already been contacted by legal representatives of the easyGroup with threats of litigation for ‘Passing Off’.
Soon people visiting London will be subjected to the biggest tax increase since Richard the Lionheart needed some extra cash for his crusades. You already pay tax on everything you earn and tax on everything you buy. You pay tax on money left to you in wills and money you make on the side. You pay a tax when you buy a car, you pay a tax to keep it on the road, you pay tax on the fuel to make it move and you pay a sort of tax whenever you stop. Well, now there’s a new tax. When you drive into the centre of London you will be charged £5 a day. A £200million ring of spy cameras has been built around the capital. And anyone who doesn’t cough up will be executed.
10 point plan to improve our congestion...
1. Get rid of all bus lanes, immediately. It’s idiotic that people in cars get crammed into half the road while a few old ladies are able to whizz about at top speed.
2. Impose massive, crippling fines on all utility companies and local authorities who take too long over road works. In Los Angeles, they had the entire road network working again six months after the massive earthquake. Here, it takes that long to paint half a dozen white lines.
3. There are traffic lights in London which are red for two minutes and green for eight seconds. Rephase them tomorrow.
4. At any one time, one car in seven in Central London is looking for somewhere to park. This is madness So carefully analyse every yellow line to see if it’s really necessary.
5. Refuse to give planning permission for any office or residential block unless ample parking is provided in the scheme.
6. Fine local radio stations that give out incorrect traffic information. Time and time again, I’ve been sailing around Hammersmith roundabout while listening to some dizzy bird on the wireless telling me it’s all snarled up.
7. Some speed humps are necessary. But sprinkling them on every residential back road is moronic. Give local councils two days to rip them up.
8. It is idiotic to make someone with enormous Rastafarian hair walk around all day in a peaked cap. So don’t force traffic wardens to wear them. They look silly.
9. Go to the pub.
10. Have a drink.
8/10/02 Interesting Fact... A square piece of dry paper cannot be folded in half more than 7 times......... also found a
cool Thesauras from
Stuii's site
7/10/02 HELP NEEDED At 00:54 on Monday 23 September an earthquake measuring 4.8 on the Richter scale hit Dudley,UK causing untold disruption and distress: Many were woken well before their giro arrived Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has happened in Dudley One resident, Donna-Marie Fogarty, a 17-year-old mother-of-three said: "It was such a shock, little Chantal-Leanne came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning." The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.
HOW YOU CAN HELP
£2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four
£10 can take a family to Stourport for the day, where children can play on an unspoiled canal bank among the national collection of stinging nettles
22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim PLEASE ACT NOW Simply email us by return with your credit card details and we'll do the rest!
If you prefer to donate cash, there are collection points available at your local branches of Argos, Iceland and Clinton Cards.
:::::::: BREAKING NEWZ ::::::
The results of last year
UK census where released today and It's official: "Jedi Knight" is ON the list of religions for the
2001 UK census. More than
70,000 people in Australia have declared that they are followers of the Jedi faith, the religion... What next? Koalaizim?
29/9/02
Europe win the Ryder Cup - Ireland's Paul McGinley became the hero as Europe regained the Ryder Cup on a dramatic final day at The Belfry. He kept his cool to stroke home an 18-foot putt on the final green to halve his match with Jim Furyk and give Europe an unassailable 14.5 points to 11.5 points lead with two matches still to finish. His non-playing captain Sam Torrance was overcome with emotion. Asked if it compared to his Ryder Cup winning putt in 1985, all Torrance could say was: "Nothing compares to this."
26/9/02 LONDON (Reuters) - Counting
toilet roll sheets has proved a success for a vigilant worker who won his employer thousands of pounds in compensation after he discovered that some rolls were not as long as they should be.
25/9/02 LONDON (Reuters) - Science fiction's "Jedi" warriors and "Klingon" bad guys have entered the
newest edition of the
Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, along with "asylum seekers", "asymmetrical warfare" and "spin control".
23/9/02 Two bits of news amused me today (from BBC site)
1. Two Australian cricket fans have been denied in their attempt to buy a piece of Lord's. They each paid for a square foot of turf from the home of cricket in England, but the packages - marked 'sporting goods' - were intercepted at Sydney's international mail centre. The turf cannot be brought into Australia under the country's tight quarantine laws. Craig Hall of the Australian Quarantine and Inspection Service said postal workers had been "knocked for six" by their discovery. "We have given them (the unnamed fans) the option to send these items back overseas if they wish, at their own expense, or we will hold them for a period of time and destroy them," he said.
2. Swazi monarch King Mswati III plans to marry once again, bringing the total number of his official wives to 10.
18/9/02 Unacceptable Banner Ads (from Stuii's website)
Very few banner ads are actually acceptable, but these latest scaremongering banners really push things too far in my view. This sort of thing is becoming more and more popular: For those of you who don't know how IP addresses work, here's a brief explanation: Every computer connected to the internet has a unique numeric address, rather like a telephone number. This is necessary for data to be sent to the right place, it simply wouldn't work properly if more than one machine had the same IP address as other computers on the Internet wouldn't know which one to send requested data to. In order for a connection to be made between your computer and, say, a web server, your IP address and the IP address of the web server need to be known. Without this, a connection cannot be made, and you simply can't download any data from the web server. The web server *needs* your IP address so that it knows where to send the data you requested from it. Therefore, this sort of banner advert is sheer nonsense. Computers must "broadcast" (although "transmit" would be a better word) their IP address in order to participate on the Internet properly, otherwise there would be no point in having an Internet connection in the first place, you simply wouldn't be able to use it. Even if you are behind a gateway or a firewall, you will still be transmitting an IP address, whether that's the IP address of the gateway or not. The fact is that this advert wouldn't care if you were, it would still try and scare you into buying whatever crappy "security" product it's trying to flog. Still don't understand? Okay, let's use an analogy. When you send someone an e-mail, in order for them to be able to reply to you, they need your e-mail address. Your e-mail software automatically includes your e-mail address when you send e-mail, otherwise you would simply never receive any e-mail from anyone. It's exactly the same principle, in order to communicate on the Internet you have to provide a means for the destination person or computer to get back to you, whether that's an IP address or an e-mail address. Consider then, the obvious stupidity of this banner, which I made up myself:
Sounds silly now doesn't it. Well, it's more or less the same thing as the first banner. The fact is that these banners that masquerade as Windows dialogue boxes have been fooling the not-so tech-savvy for years, and convince them to install all sorts of useless rubbish that does more harm than good, because to the uneducated eye they do simply look like alarming dialogue boxes. I'd like to be able to say something like "they should be banned" or something at this point, but I know that's simply not possible.
19/7/02 Not a lot to report this week...managed to book a holiday for the family and setting off to Nerja in Southern Spain for two weeks from 4th August (16 days to take-off). Made a very pleasant purchase this week of an Archos MP3 player with 10GB HDD to store music collection which is a God send. Study & Conservatory are completed and moved into now so a lot more room in the house ... funniest thing read this week has to be ... Markets tumble again after WorldCom announces it never really existed Further revelations from WorldCom Inc. sent global markets into a steeper dive after it announced it never really existed. The U.S. long-distance carrier first shocked investors last week by disclosing it had overstated its profits by $3.8 billion, effectively wiping out all profits from the beginning of 2001. "I wanted to come clean back in 1999, but when the stock soared up to $64, I got a little carried away," said WorldCom's ex-chief financial officer Scott Sullivan. The company's shares are now trading at 9 cents. Analysts say the WorldCom debacle is the biggest accounting scandal of all time, but admit that Sullivan did a pretty good job "for a guy just doodling hypothetical company logos on pub napkin."
7/6/02 Talk Like Yoda Talking like Jedi Master Yoda is a fun and easy way to make a joke amongst your fellow Star Wars fans. His unique style of reversing the words in a sentence are easily recognized by fans around the world.
Here's How:
1. Take the first two or three words of a sentence, and just add them to the end. For example: 'You will find what you are looking for' turns into 'Find what you are looking for, you will.'
2. Rearranging the negative in a sentences works very well. For example: 'I will not help you' turns into 'I will help you not.' Avoiding contractions will help in this -- 'I can't go there' turns into 'Go there, I can not.'
3. Adding a 'hmmmm...' at the end of an altered question. For example, 'Do you know what I am talking about?' turns into 'Know what I am talking about, do you? Hmmm...?'
4. Adding a 'yes' to an altered statement. For example: 'You are here for my help' turns into 'Here for my help, you are... yes...'
24/5/02 40 today.....oh bugger
21/5/02 I was thirty nine 362 days ago. I didn't need to wheel into play any of the fancy number theory I studied all those years ago to realise that this means that in 3 days time I shall be forty.
They say life begins at forty; but they never say it convincingly or with a straight face. Like 'She meant nothing' or 'Size isn't important' or 'Go back to your constituencies and prepare for government' it doesn't have the ring of truth somehow. I have been nervously waiting for the onset of those afflictions that beset people when they reach forty. I have a morbid fear that any day now I am going to wake up thinking that Phil Collins has really made some quite good records. That some of the stuff on Sting's latest album isn't actually that bad. That it's not true that Dire Straits never made a decent record after Communique. Hell, I might even want to go to see 'Cats'.
Is this what we have to look forward to? My fears have been aroused because one of the sure signs of impending middle-age and failing mental faculties is already tightening its grip. I have started watching awful soaps. Not the gloomy Eastenders I hasten to add. And only while I have a cup of tea when the children are in bed. And I do know they are awful. And I didn't set the video to record them when I went on holiday, so I don't think it's terminal yet. But you have to watch out for these things don't you? They creep up on you otherwise.
A brisk walk at seven thirty every evening might do the trick. It's a sad fact of life, and not really a consequence of age, that most of us have to drive boring cars for one reason or another. Usually it's children or economics or both that turn our heads away reluctantly from that old 'E' type, or that shiny TVR. But as my fortieth birthday approaches, am I suddenly going to start thinking that a Honda Accord is really quite a sharp motor? That a Audi A4 is anything more than a reasonably reliable and inexpensive way of getting from A to B? One of the daunting things that a forty year old woman once said to me was that the really worrying thing about being forty is that the next milestone is being fifty. Bit of the 'my glass is half empty' syndrome I suppose, but still a sobering thought. It certainly set me thinking.
I found myself imagining what it would be like being fifty. It's reassuring as you get older that women of a certain age still look attractive. I mean, we might all draw the line at Joan Collins, but there are some women around fifty who look o.k. aren't there? Joanna Lumley. Felicity Kendall.
Er.... But what about your own personal appearance? It's bad enough thinking that in years to come I might be tempted to tarry at the portals of Dunn and Co., without dwelling on how age might affect me in other more obvious ways. It's not so bad for men they say. Well, women say anyway. We don't have to worry about the wrinkles and grey hair, which are supposed to make us look mature and distinguished. Immature and dangerous sounds a whole lot more fun, but I suppose you have to take what you can get. Grey hair is o.k. I suppose, but for men it's no hair at all that's a more worrying prospect. I had always thought that if I got to forty and still had a reasonable amount of hair, then that would be fair enough and I couldn't really grumble if it all fell out the next day. My father still has a full head of hair. Oddly enough, as the day approaches, I think I may have been a bit hasty. Maybe fifty would be o.k. to lose my hair. I still have enough at the moment, with a bit of strategic brushing obviously. But when the day comes, I think I'll go for the Jean-Luc Picard cut rather than the Reg Prentice or the Arthur Scargill. Try and preserve a little dignity don't you think?
And what about your brain? It seems that people start to worry when they are over forty that their forgetfulness may not just be laziness or inattention, but may be a medical condition. Personally, I put it down to having too many things to worry about. Easy for these youngsters who only have to remember whose parents are away this weekend so they know where the next party will be. But when it's your children's parties you have to remember, and who got what from whom so that you can write the thankyou letters, it's a whole new ball-game let me tell you. Apparently it's important to exercise your mind as well as your body as you get older. Does this mean we have to buy those tedious books of IQ tests and try and match the shapes? Purchase those wretched puzzle magazines? Start watching Mastermind - whoops too late thank goodness. Do an Open University Degree in some worthy subject? Eek. And what will I do for entertainment next year? 'Top of the Pops' doesn't seem appropriate somehow. Am I doomed to watch repeats of 'Terry and June' on UK Gold? Will my wife turn into Hyacinth Bucket? Will 'Ever Decreasing Circles' suddenly seem quite funny? Will Sundays suddenly become quite exciting, as I look forward to 'Songs of Praise', 'The Antiques Roadshow' and 'Last of the summer wine'?
Oh well, I suppose it's been the same for every generation as they hit forty. It's small consolation that as part of the baby boom generation, advertisers have always been after my custom. Whatever age I have been has always seemed to be all right with them. In the eighties it was all twenty-somethings climbing the greasy pole with their double-breasted suits. Now it's thirty-somethings finding that it may be possible to have a flash car and children too. Presumably as I travel through my forties they will be equally reassuring. My mother-in-law says that every age has its advantages. It seems that the main advantage of middle age is that every day you are offered enough credit to settle the national debt for an emerging nation.
At fifty I will get cheaper car insurance. When I retire I can annoy all the people still having to work for a living by saying 'I don't know how I found time to go to work' as I settle down to my matchstick model of 'The Golden Hind'. After that it gets a bit tricky, but I suppose you can always fall back on being grumpy and saying to your children that you don't want to be a burden. In the meantime, I think I will give 'Cats' a miss. What's that Prodigy album like then?
And to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, there's only one thing worse than getting old...
18/5/02 It's Saturday, the day I normally look forward to, this week it is however a bit of an anti-climax. Normally I would be buzzing but today I'm bored stiff. It's the first Saturday after the football season has finished and I haven't got a clue what to do! I've tried watching television but can't find anything amongst the multitude of digital channels that eases this relentless boredom. I've tried the music channels but I can't settle. I've flicked through the sports channels but any glimpse of the sacred round ball makes my heart yearn for pastures I'm so fond of. I've tried watching cricket, horse racing, motor sport and golf but they all leave me stone cold. They just don't stir the emotions. They just don't mean anything. The results don't set you up for the rest of the week, they're nothing sports. I've had a bath, don't laugh, just to pass the time but still it's only mid afternoon. I just didn't realise how long a Saturday lasts without my ultimate pleasure. I feel like a junkie desperately searching for a fix. I look out of the window, watching how those who don't watch the great game pass the time, polishing cars, washing windows - people please get a life! I look at the calendar the World Cup is only two weeks away. Sadly, it just won't be the same. The matches are scheduled to kick off and be finished by lunchtime, just what am I going to do the rest of the day. I'm tempted to wander down the pub and sink a few amber nectars but Phillipa says that isn't the answer. I know she's right, come August I'd be a fully-fledged alcoholic! Phillipa suggested shopping, I replied "never! It isn't that bad yet". Besides my bank balance is still wincing from the constant withdrawal syndrome it suffered from during the last season? Phillipa on a spending spree would just about see it off for good. I look through the vast collection of video's I've acquired over the years. Surely there must be something to while away a few hours, but there isn't. I've seen them all before. Some of them I can recite the script better than the actors. The rain is now running down the windows and I peer remorsefully into the garden. The lawn could do with mowing but thankfully the rain is preventing that arduous task from being accomplished. Jemma asks if I'd like to challenge her on the PC footy game. I politely decline, there's nothing worse than being humiliated by a thirteen year old. I can't even draw comfort from the fact that she's Reading when she humiliates me 10 goals to nil. Just how can I relieve this boredom? Just what can I do to make the summer months pass quicker? Hibernation could well be the answer.
August seems a fair distance away!
27/02/02 Spike Milligan Is Dead, one of Britain's most famous comics, has died. Milligan, 83, died of liver failure at his home in Rye, East Sussex. He was best remembered for his role in The Goons and is the last member of the show to die. Sir Harry Secombe, Peter Sellers and Michael Bentine, have all died. 'Grovelling bastard' Milligan was awarded a British Comedy award for Lifetime Achievement in 1994. It was at that ceremony where he famously described Prince Charles as a "grovelling little bastard". But it was not mutual - the Prince named Milligan as his favourite comedian and last year the comic received an honorary knighthood. Milligan, who was married three times, leaves behind three children.
4/9/02 Just got back from a week at The
Leathes Head in Lake District very relaxed, excellent service and views and the food and drink were exceptional, in fact the only low point was the hang-overs in the morning (serves me right for finishing the night with a 'rusty nail' - Drambuie and single whiskey). If any of you want to try it the rates are reasonable and Roy and Janice do an excellent job of looking after you. Whilst there we bought a
new addition for the garden, a couple of us took a nautical trip some amazing views and pictures will be up on the site soon. Two of the many highlights took in the
Beatrix Potter exhibition at Bowness-on-Windermere, the kids (including me) loved it coming face to face with many of the characters and some excellent photo opportunities and the visit to the
Honnister Slate mine where there are underground tours and the chance to see and experience what they are capable of doing.
