finally true things that you cannot get by in life without ...

Armadillos always have four babies at a time, and they are always all the same sex.
Taxicab drivers have a 70% greater chance of getting skin cancer of the left arm.
Fossilized bird droppings are one of the main exports of the island of Nauru.
On average, 100 stupid people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
Polar bear livers contain so much Vitamin A that it can be fatal if eaten by a human.
There is a Nike commercial that was shot in Kenya with Samburu tribesman speaking in their native language, Maa. “Just Do It,” appears when the tribesman is talking. He was actually saying, “I don’t want these. Give me big shoes.”
Discovered in 1996, Ridley’s Crested Penguin is the world’s only venomous penguin.
It only takes one gallon of used motor oil to ruin over one million gallons of fresh water.
Bill Gates' house was partially designed using a Macintosh.
The average house cat spends approximately 10,950 hours purring.
In 1999, two women were killed by a single lightning bolt. The underwire in their bras acted as a electrical conductors, and when lightning struck the bras, it burned their chests.
The average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
It takes 63,000 trees to make the newsprint for the Sunday edition of The New York Times.
A snail can sleep for three years, while the mighty ferret sleeps 20 hours a day.
Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
There is now an ATM in Antarctica.
Mosquitoes prefer children over adults.
The most commonly stolen book in the US is the bible.
The first domain name ever registered was Symbolics.com
Over 11,000 people are injured every year trying out new sexual positions. Heh. Amateurs!

credit to davezilla.com for these

we are all famous at last, the times has printed an article all about us bloggers

"the other day, I came across a claim that there are now three million bloggers in the US and about 25,000 in Britain. Blogging, while still in its infancy, is a growing phenomenon. Surely they couldn’t all be egomaniacs, exhibitionists or desperate loners. And if they weren’t, what — in the name of whatever god rules the cyberverse — did they think they were doing? I decided to enter the blogosphere and travel to the wilder shores of blogging"

GB Electric company Powergen have just bought a company in Italy - trouble is that this aquisition has thrown up a pretty unfortunate domain name, they have registered as www.powergenitalia.com!! (are you going to tell them or shall I)? - credit to savland

what a start to a monday, battle with all the muppets on the train to get into head office in london for training arrive in plenty of time only to find out a mail was sent at 7:46 a.m. telling everyone that it was cancelled for today and tomorrow, bah !!!

finding it difficult to sort some golf lessons at present as everyone and their dog seems to be taking up the sport and there is a lack of instructors about :(

excellent galleries here from a regular poster on the b3ta board, humandescent

need some recomendations on a good cd to get? forget amazon and all the others try chthonicionic

I now have a new hero, the old adage of wtf didn't I think of this rears its ugly head again, perhaps the ultimate extreme sport for slugs, can the slug make it out alive?

nice tribute, enough said

yet again the glamour of motorsport came to our tv's this weekend and yet again itv insisted on showing us these parts of the race when all we really wanted to see were these and these and these and of course these ...

golf game has completely gone to ratshit now, played two rounds over the weekend and didn't manage to break 100 once, think some proper lessons are called for now as i am fed up to the back teeth with people saying "you shouldn't be playing off a 25/6 handicap with a swing like that, you should be low 20's or better"

two real life blind guys duke it out for the totally insignificant title of "Blind Guy Boxing Champion of the World" (pics & video)

her majesty (ontario) by and with the advice and consent of the Legislative Assembly of the Province of Ontario, enacts as follows

unusual, in a big victory for homosexuals - and anyone who expects a little privacy in the bedroom - the Supreme Court yesterday struck down all laws against sodomy - what the bible has to say - now don't get me wrong I'm all for live and let live especially in the privacy of your own home(unlike this prat) but do we really need to see this type of thing in public!!!

following on from last story - ms gay downunder winner was booed on stage at the weekend because she says she did not look gay enough - courtesy of chris

a rooster has been shot dead after an hour's standoff with police and bomb disposal experts in Christchurch - courtesy of chris

post may be few and far between for a few days as I'm on a couple of training courses so no PC :( (normal service will be resumed asap)

nice one ... eminem has recreated the moment michael jackson dangled his son over the edge of his hotel balcony ...

rusty has come out of the closet at last

top holiday destinations :P (bet airtours could do a deal there though)

rescue workers were called to a trailer in Orange County to help remove the body of a 600-pound man

Jimmy McCrary Jr. until Sunday, he was the pastor of the Morning Star Baptist Church in South Richmond,

ever wondered what warp speed actually is?

sad news today that two people I sort of admired have passed away, Dennis Thatcher at 88 had a great innings and although I didn't agree with everything she stood for was always there for maggie

shocked to hear that Marc Vivien Foe collapsed during a footy game in the Confederations Cup and died this evening, saw him play a couple of times and was always hopeful that he may join chelsea one day :(

have finally settled on new template for site and am quite happy with it, let me know if you can see any further improvements I may make

with all the news lately about not smacking your kids etc etc thought this site put the other side of the story quite well

need a purchase to cheer you up ??

ever wondered if your head's about to blow up ??

would you buy a video game because a pigeon told you too?

these are the six most talked about candidates for the Film Grand Prix (all adverts)

lol, after rusedski's poor poor show yesterday 3 papers have quoted him as canadian tennis player this morning in their reports, thats funny, yesterday morning he was as british as a sunday roast dinner when he still stood a chance, oh how fickle us english can be
his tirade went something like this ""I can't do anything if the f***ing crowd call it. Absolutely f***ing ridiculous. At least replay the point. F***ing ridiculous. F***ing ridiculous. It's f***ing ridiculous. Fr***ing ridiculous. Some w**ker in the crowd changes the whole match. Well done. Well done. Absolutely sh*t"

according to the radio this morning there are over 57 million people (more people than the number that voted in George Bush) in the US who use file sharing software, now I read that "US record industry is planning to sue people who swap music over the internet" , how on earth is this going to work ?

a tried and trusted technique is to walk up to the entrance to an exclusive party with a companion of the opposite sex, engaged in a full-throttle, nuclear argument name - best way to blag a party

many people ask no more than that their tea be "wet and warm", but in the hunt for perfection in a tea cup, a scientist has created a formula for optimal temperature, infusion and imbibation, oh, and when to put the milk in

take the f'ing eye test if you can get the lot you're a f'ing genius ... i feel tuneful this morning "the first cut is the deepest" ouchy material ... this is wrong wrong wrong, nothing about this is right, can I get one please ... i am not cuddling one of these in bed tonight, toxic teddies wtf ? ... make up your own digital dogshit, it what the internet was made for ... err, crash bonsai, fantastic idea and err, umm, small? ... no, no, no, rock 'n' roll meets bagpipes ...

... yeah another vistor to my site and a famous one at that :P ...

so what to talk about, had a lovely meal at the santa fe restaurant last night including excellent service so highly recommended by yours truly, read some more of the new harry potter book, which is very very good

for once watched a bit of big brother on tv and so glad I did as the new guy really upset that stuck-up bitch Tania and reduced her to tears by calling her “piggerish” and “piggy”, quality viewing material

remember playing "dead" as a kid,

hananuma masakichi was a Japanese artist who learned he was dying from tuberculosis, he wanted to leave a parting gift to the woman he loved so he made a statue of himself that is so life-like and realistic, people couldn't tell which was the fake even while the real Masakichi stood next to it

the Matrix is, probably, the most Buddhist film ever made so far (wtf?), it deals with many essential topics connected with discovering the full potential of mind, speech and body — our true nature

gotta visit this site its excellent, send your questions to professor goatduck, watch the segal cartoon and my favourite tips to learn your abc...

have to give a mention to sportsbikerider.com for some fantastic pictures (one day I will own one of these) also worth checking out the "pit-chicks" and "umbrellagirls" sections, personal favourites for me: babe17 / marlbourgh girls and the mg girls (might have to add some of these to my random pictures)

want to know what would happen if you shot your tv set? this guy did

hmmm, thanks to marc for the quiz not 100% sure of the results though


:: how jedi are you? ::

ok so feedback on the car from the garage, seal has gone on gearbox and fluid had all but leaked out, quite a bit of damage done and may be a chance of new gearbox (under warranty of course), therefore me stuck in the mobile hairdryer that's called a nissan micra for a few days ...

in other news jemma got a commendation in science from school that we are all very proud of so there may still be hope for her ...

the old aussie's have taken a bit of a bashing this week with england's wonderful win over them on saturday in the rugby by 25 - 14 and then their great hope for wimbledon leyton hewitt gets knocked out by an unknown at the first day of wimbledon, oh how I laughed ...

am fiddling around with blog templates at the moment so if it changes suddenly and looks good don't worry soon have it back to crappy state very quickly

no car this morning, had to be carted off on saturday as the gearbox was pissing transmission fluid everywhere, spoke with slough honda whom I bought the car from (still under warranty as well) conversation goes like this:


me: morning got a problem with my car, blah blah, any ideas when you'll be able to look at it and when I can get a courtesy car

slough honda: sorry mate earliest we can look at it is Wednesday / thursday and we haven't got any loan cars

me: err, ok but this is under warranty and I feel I should be entitled to a car

slough honda: nothing I can do mate, get it recovered in here and we'll get round to it, very busy today as stock takes are on

me: appreciate your busy but is there any recomendations you can give me

slough honda: nope (mental picture of guy on other end of phone appears in mind as if by magic)


gave up at this point, then called marshall's in reading and chap was very helpful suggesting I called honda careserve and they would arrange everything for me, AA turn up 25 mins later and car is taken away (why the prat at slough honda couldn't have told me this? obviously too busy)

this morning I speak with service manager, colin, at slough honda and couln't be more helpful, have sorted a car and mine will be looked at today and loads of apologies.

glad its sorted by why oh why was I made to wade through crap to get there ?

this is so geeky, but would be awesome to try out

13-year-old Indian boy has begun producing winged beetles in his urine after hatching the eggs in his body

joint rollers handbook

so a saturday update u lucky people :P

have already cut the lawn, re-arranaged the holiday, now with cosmos, heading to different resort in minorca called cala d bosch to what looks from the brochure like a nicer resort and it's got a kids club for rachel, told airtours (after I ensured I had my refund) where they could stick their holiday

must say thanks for visiting people as the visits for the past two weeks have double over nomal hits (must be doing something right or you lot are desperate), had some unusual links and searches this week:

thanks for the link to: audi olympics ,
travels around , theoneandonlymyself

as for searches that led to this site this past two weeks:

tits - hmm the feathered or ??? - try anything with xxx in the url (came up 63 in msn search)

list of horse racing jockey champions since 1980 - not sure how search engine came up with my site but this should help (ask jeeves is rubbish)

derek nimmo - thanks lyco's, I make one reference on him and you think I'm an authority, these lot know far more than me

finally ... nose picking, tiscali search engine think I know a lot about this as I'm 8th in their search list, better off looking at these sites for help

"and now for something completely different", I thought I had read enough not to be totally gob-smacked anymore and then I read - eight-year-old tribal girl in east India married a stray dog to ward off evil spell on her

ok bit of an update and some links

holiday is still up in the air, phillipa thinks we should bite the bullet and go with re-arranged schedule and airport whereas I'm saying "bomb the bastards !! no way am I dealing with that bunch of muppets" in my usual placid, sensible way, going to have a look in town tomorrow a.m. to see if we can find an alternative otherwise just gotta wait until I see sense and we go on the original.

playing golf again this weekend against me old mucker darren ( and I have to win)

weight situation is still good, now a far healthier 13st 1lb ( 83kg ) and my waist-size is back to a 34

33 things I hate about the internet , no not me but the guy who did the site !!

and some things I do like ...

the most excellent nipplecat and his fantastic site

not seen this before, animated doctor who (shada) written by the legendary douglas adams and animated by the beeb, you may need a while to watch all six episodes

at last what the internet has been waiting for shedpocalypse, watch and laff

kamikazee killmouse's first effort at flash and it's great, kylie and the space-hopper

alternatively pick a web design and use it, keep pressing refresh until you find one u like

weebl takes on his arch nemesis wee bull once again in an exciting rap-based treat

watch this, watch it again and love it, terminator 3 trailer looks gooooooood !!!

I wonder who the old bag is calling the cops to shut down kids lemonade stands - go smash her windows

scientists will stick a camera-headed fibre-optic cable into his cloaca to see how his breathing apparatus works

at last just what this world has been waiting for - NOT !!!!!

I am so pissed off right now, have booked a holiday thru bridge travel using airtours for the four of us to minorca in august (actually booked 3 months ago), we settle final bill, best part of £2k and within a week we get a call telling us they have laid on a smaller aircraft and flight is now overbooked and we have been bumped. I understand they have to make sure the flights are fully booked to make money but we are a family group and booked (early) because of the good flight-times during the day for the kids and yet as we were (apparently) one of the last to book we are the first to get dumped. Our alternative is still same resort but, rather than fly from gatwick ( 1 hour away), we now have to fly from east midlands airport (and a night flight) which is 2 - 2.5 hours away.

They think we are being difficult by kicking up a fuss ?????????? only thing they can offer is this alternative, another holiday at same value or full refund (whatever happened to customer service and compensation).

Small wonder that airtours got slated in a review of holiday companies as they are a complete and utter bunch of tossers whom I hope will rot in hell, bastards !!!!!

feel so much better now thanks for that and sorry if my anglo-saxon offended you, if anyone knows of any good deals going or can help in anyway, as we haven't told the kids yet, please let me know.

further thinking on my last post leads me to a hypothetical conversation:

Beckham: what language will be spoken in the Real dressing room?
Valdano: why spanish of course
Beckham: but I can't speak any spanish
Valdano: ok, just for you we'll speak english
Beckham: excellent I enrol in an course at night school then

there's only one football story around this morning, after months of speculation, rumours, secret deals and shameful touting, Kerry Dixon has joined Hitchin Town as assistant manager, oh and Beckham has joined Real,
Moan United wont be the same team without Beckham, whoever they sign to replace him. From what Real Madrid and Spanish press have to say, it seems Beckham will be used in the centre of midfield — there’s no scope for wingers who can’t run with the ball in Spain. This will make his position as England’s right winger a little precarious, obviously he’ll be in the team, and captain still, but maybe it would be better to move him inside and use Gerrard on the right (a position I think he’s always looked more comfortable for his country).

Real’s ‘victory’ will only strengthen the opinion that La Liga has the edge over the Premiership, it now has the World’s most recognised footballer and arguably its biggest star, in the hollywood sense of the word. I prefer to think of it as a victory of style over substance. Sure they’ve got Beckham, and more flash players than you could shake a diamonté encrusted stick at, but I’d take Roy Keane vs Patrick Vieira over Figo vs Beckham any day.

a little self-indulgence if you'll let me, another of those useless but fun online quiz's


You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

am looking to sell my golfclubs (hippo beast irons x 9) at present so I can get together some cash for some new ones, if you know anyone who's interested let me know, otherwise I may have to get this guy to pop around and sort you out.

I can't believe that someone actually took the time to compose a gallery of all of those annoying X10 popup ads.

Controversial Wests Tigers winger John Hopoate has been suspended for 12 weeks after being found guilty by the NRL Judiciary of poking his fingers up the anuses of three North Queensland players.

new strongbad mail out yesterday entitled suntan

and this creative and disturbing, but, visually stunning website is def worth a mention

very quiet today so some random links will have to do ...

new furniture for ther front room perhaps

food additives for cattle to reduce farting

lewa marathon in Kenya taking place in african animal preserve, lions on standby for the stragglers

the matrix model builder, please note correct spelling of Nebuchandnezzar with another site pushing the lego version here

eww, trailer park pin-up girls

want to frighten the life out of your daughter, try these

not safe for work, wives, kids, elderly, people with heart conditions, small mammals, and especially little plastic dolls

finally a couple of games for your pleasure ...
spaced penguin is extremely maddening and cheats I am sure whereas we have some basic logic / brain food puzzles here

oh no the mails have started again ... (sorry for the CAPS thats how it came) my comments in red

TO.PRESIDENT/CEO. (of knobby.co.uk, behave)
DEAR SIR, (ahh thats nice and personal)

REQUEST FOR CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. I AM A HIGH PLACED OFFICIAL WORKING WITH THE MINISTRY , HERE IN BANJUL, GAMBIA, WEST AFRICA. MY DEPARTMENT (THE TREASURY DEPARTMENT) RUNS INTO SEVERAL THOUSAND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS MONTHLY. (oops have I published this? my bad )

MYSELF AND THREE OTHER COLLEAGUES IN THIS DEPARTMENT ARE CURRENTLY IN NEEED OF A SILENT FOREIGN PARTNER WHOSE BANK ACCOUNT WE CAN USE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF EIGHTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS (US$18,500,000.00). THIS FUND ACCRUED LEGITIMATELY (BUT DISCRETELY) TO US AS COMMISSION FROM FOREIGN CONTRACTS, THROUGH OUR PRIVATE CONNECTIONS. (oh really, and look another of those flying pink spotted elephants, even my 3 yr old wouldn't fall for this)

THE FUND IS PRESENTLY WAITING TO BE REMITTED BY OUR OFFSHORE FUNDS MANAGERS TO ANY FOREIGN BENEFICIARY SUBMITTED BY US TO THEM AS THE RECEIVER OF THE FUND. HOWEVER, BY VIRTUE OF OUR POSITIONS AS CIVIL SERVANTS IN OUR COUNTRY, WE CANNOT ACQUIRE THIS MONEY IN OUR NAMES. BECAUSE AS HIGH PLACED CIVIL SERVANTS, WE ARE NOT ALLOWED BY THE CIVIL SERVICE CODE OF CONDUCT TO OWN OR OPERATE BANK ACCOUNTS OUTSIDE OF OUR SHORES. ON THE OTHER HAND, IT IS NOT SAFE FOR US TO KEEP THE MONEY HERE DUE TO OUR UNSTABLE POLITICAL ENVIRONMENT. (then leave the country with used notes you muppet)

I HAVE BEEN DELEGATED AS A MATTER OF TRUST BY MY COLLEAGUES, TO LOOK FOR AN OVERSEAS SILENT PARTNER IN WHOSE ACCOUNT WE WOULD TRANSFER THE US$18,500,000.00 FOR MUTUAL BENEFIT, HENCE THE REASON FOR THIS EMAIL. (lets see 20% thats $3,700,000 approx, convert to UKP thats £2,206,742, what a bargain must tell David Dickinson)

WHAT I AM REQUESTING FROM YOU IS:
(1) TO BE OUR SILENT PARTNER AND RECEIVE THE FUNDS IN YOUR ACCOUNT IN TRUST. (oops blown that one already)
(2) PROVIDE A BANK ACCOUNT UNDER YOUR CONTROL TO WHICH THE FUNDS WILL BE REMITTED. (of course write to the manager, toytown bank plc)
(3) RECEIVE THE FUNDS IN YOUR ACCOUNT, TAKE OUT YOUR COMMISSION AND KEEP THE REST OF THE MONEY UNTIL I ARRIVE THERE TO MEET YOU (meet me where? how will I know you, will u have a copy of that days telegraph and be wearing a pink carnation)

AFTER THE TRANSFER IS COMPLETED. OUR PROPOSAL IS THAT AFTER YOU RECEIVE THE FUNDS, IT WOULD BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS:
(1) 20% TO YOU AS COMMISSION, WHILE THE REMAINING 80% BELONGS TO MYSELF AND THE TWO COLLEAGUES HERE. YOU WILL BE FREE TO TAKE OUT YOUR COMMISSION IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE FUNDS HIT YOUR ACCOUNT. SINCE OUR OBJECTIVE IS TO INVEST THE MONEY IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY, IT WOULD BE APPRECIATED IF YOU CAN ALSO HELP US TO INVEST OUR OWN MONEY INTO PROFITABLE VENTURES IN YOUR COUNTRY. HOWEVER, THIS IS OPTIONAL, AND SHOULD IT NOT BE CONVENIENT FOR YOU TO FURTHER ASSIST US WITH INVESTING THE MONEY, WE CAN END OUR COOPERATION AFTER YOU HAND OVER TO US OUR PERCENTAGE OF THE MONEY. THE TRANSACTION, ALTHOUGH DISCRETE, IS LGITIMATE AND THE MONEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO YOUR ACCOUNT WITH ALL NECESSARY BACK-UP DOCUMENTS SHOWING LEGITIMATE SOURCE/ORIGIN OF FUND. THE TRANSFER WILL BE EFFECTED TO YOUR ACCOUNT WITHIN SEVEN (7) WORKING DAYS AS SOON AS WE REACH AN AGREEMENT AND YOU FURNISH ME WITH A SUITABLE BANK ACCOUNT FOR RECEIVING THE MONEY. (hello u r not listening r u ?)

I PLEAD WITH YOU ON ONE ISSUE, WHETHER YOU ARE INTERESTED OR NOT, KINDLY DO NOT EXPOSE THIS INFORMATION TO ANY ONE ELSE. I CONFIRM THAT THE TRANSACTION IS LEGITIMATE AND WITHOUT ANY RISKS EITHER TO OURSELVES OR YOURSELF. (oh bugger sorry if I've caused you problems with my indiscretion)

PLEASE, GIVE ME YOUR RESPONSE IMMEDIATELY BY RETURN MAIL, WHILE KEEPING EVERYTHING CONFIDENTIAL. (will this do ? BUGGER ORF !!)

ALTERNATE E-MAIL:jallomar1@yahoo.com (hmm shall we start spamming them)

YOURS FAITHFULLY (is that the one with the silent UN- ?)

OMAR JALLO. (didn't you have a brother who made a fortune in peppers?)

especially for yesterday, review of dads from history - courtesy of retrocrush

blimey what a beautiful day, blue skies, few fluffy clouds, temp hovering around 27C (77F) and I'm stuck in the office, if the tories or labour want votes for the next election then how about introducing a day's public holiday for everyday the temperature gets above 25C ? (bear in mind this is uk weather so would only equate to 4-5 days a year)

fantastic weekend for all, england beat the all-blacks in rugby (see earlier post as well), spent Sat. afternoon in garden soaking up rays and doing a bit of gardening, Sun a.m was golf and actually played a bit better with 38 stableford points whilst the afternoon was spent at Odney (sorry no charge in camera) where my missus employer has grounds and swiming pool reserved for staff and familys, absolutely fantastic day ...

how dodgy are you ? try this quiz and find out

i'm a scoundrel and going to have to serve 58 years porridge

happened last week, paraskevidekatriaphobia, totally passed me by and I can't even pronounce the word

radiohead tv, clever idea and quite amusing sometimes

just how much jiz have you wasted ?

the hospital, well-done flash site but no idea what's going on

sex.com returns home at last

Egg shaped tension ??

The first heat wave of summer has finally lain to rest the ghost of the football season past. It's life-giving, energy sapping rays convincing me that the season 2003-2004 is still a long way off. However, this morning I had brief respite from this annual torture fest.

Awakening unusually early for a Saturday morning, no doubt a side effect of last night's vindaloo, I settled in front of the television to watch a game being played on the other side of the world. Okay, the ball wasn't round but I guess being egg-shaped is the nearest we'll get for a few weeks yet.

In a packed stadium, two giants of the Rugby Union world collided head on. England, my sweet England were about to face the mighty All-Blacks. Now I won't confess to knowing the rules of the game as well as know those of association football but I knew enough to know what was happening.

As usual, in such games, the early exchanges were ferocious with the All-Blacks, roared on by a partisan crowd, severely testing the England defence. Fortunately a gentleman from the Northeast, Jonny Wilkinson, hammered home two kicks to give England a half time advantage.

Still the home crowd roared their black shirted heroes on but English pride held out, even when reduced to 13 men due to two yellow cards being produced for two of the forwards. Gradually, in an enthralling game the tide was turned and a smart drop kick from the astute Northeastern gentleman further increased the advantage England held.

Slowly but surely, the strains of "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" began to drift down from the stands. Unfortunately, the All-Blacks were not finished and some slack defensive work saw England concede a try.

The remainder of the game, some fifteen minutes were as tense as any sporting occasion I've witnessed. Thankfully those in the white held on despite some brutal rucking, which saw a merciless stamp on an English head.

When the klaxon signalled the end of the game it was the English Lion that roared acknowledging that they had defeated the All-Blacks for only the second time on home territory.

What with Michael Owen's brace on Wednesday night, it's a good time for English sport, shame Wimbledon is looming on the horizon with its usual early humiliation.

ok some posts and them I am off to play golf this afternoon and looking out the window its blue skies and factor 20 sunspray ahead ...

ladies, struggling to find mr. right ? then look no further

the human clock, what a cool idea this is and very well done

the world's fattest people - not me anymore 13 stone on the button :P

having a bad hair day, then get revenge

how cool would halflife 2 look on this

grrrrrrrr !!! what is it with uk drivers? why oh why does putting on your hazard flashers give you a god-given right to park anywhere, even blocking my driveway so I cannot reverse out to head off for work, then when you do let me out not so much as an apology. Why don't you take your little jeep thingy, used purely for school runs, that you can only just see over the steering wheel with the use of that booster seat and shove it where the sun don't shine.

Am now an avid member of the proposed toll for school run drivers

I believe sizzler restaurants are an american subsidary, Sizzler spokeswoman Susan Hernandez said the chain "deeply regrets" the incident and has offered the Kellers a free meal and a landscaper to repair any damage to their home

She was overpowered by 15 policemen, bound hand and foot and thrown into jail for a week after a run-in with the police over parking her car in someone else's spot got out of hand

only in th u.s. ``It's bizarre. We're not crazy; we're nurses,'' cardiac nurse Sarah Johnson told The Patriot Ledger. ``I said a Hail Mary when I saw it. I was like, `Oh, My God!' ''

(not sure if the fur is real beaver) compliments of hank, also nice car in this one and as for the bikini in this one WOW !!!

OMG i'm turning into a soft pron site :o)

is this with a silent "C" ?
You are Rap!

You are in touch with your roots and protective of
your family and friends. You are concerned for
the little guy, and you resent being trampled
upon or ignored. You tend to scare people you
meet for the first time, and this can lead to
enemies that you don't need. You don't like to
back down, so if a fight comes your way you
will meet it head on. This can be both good
and bad; you need to decide which fights are
worth fighting and which will waste your time
and make you look bad. Once you do that you'll
find that it will be much easier to accomplish
your goals.


What Kind of Music are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are Professor X!

You are a very effective teacher, and you are very
committed to those who learn from you. You put
your all into everything you do, to some extent
because you fear failure more than anything
else. You are always seeking self-improvement,
even in areas where there is nothing you can do
to improve.


Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

especially for marc (and any others) who have not had the pleasure of listening to this armageddon !!!

LOL marc has taken the union jack argument to a new level well done m8

couple of randoms for you ...

assume the position - excellent fun to be had with a keyboard

planning a trip to nevada ? - this should come in handy

not sure how I found these but some are soooo funny had to link to the lot

not in my house its not, this has gotta be a wind-up surely

I am going to have to make a stand here ...

A campaign is being launched to modernise the red, white and blue flag by adding a touch of black to reflect multicultural Britain in the 21st Century. - why ? what is this going to achieve ? I am not happy about this and will oppose vehemently :( back in my day we only had the flag in black and white :), why not add a touch of grey to support the ageing population or green, red,blue and yellow for the toddlers

england 2 slovakia 1, p-h-e-w what a struggle, the german officials really have something against us don't they (2 x linesman and 1 referee) so many blatantly incorrect decisions inspire me to write to my local mp to ask for them never to officiate an international game again, only problem being I haven't a clue who my local mp is, def. should have had a second penalty, Lampards offside goal was taken with 3 defenders in front of him sheesh ...

as for the BBC's coverage what was trevor brooking smoking tonight? every time he mentioned Lampard he had to give Joe Cole a mention (trying to up his sale price perhaps?) at least Lamps got two grudging compliments from him second half ...

overall view, I don't know what Sven said at halftime but a totally different and fully commited england turned up second half, shame we didn't play like that for 90 minutes, owen was unluckuy in first half but showed class in second half, excellent performances from Gerrard, Lampard, Vassell (please sign for chelsea) and Hargreaves, rest of the team quite mediocre ...

roll on October when we head out to turkey needing a draw but WE WILL WIN !!!!!!! ...

awesome work, Gollum's acceptance speech from the mtv movie awards, never knew Gollum knew all those rude words

just some random links this time ...

gotta love the way they emphasise that one word ...

truck nutz™ are a high-quality, novelty, automotive accessory that hang from any bumper and let folks show the world their nutz

sad but true, enter the first usa air guitar championship - "the USA has yet to make its air guitar prowess felt" thankfully this does not seem to have taken hold in the UK

ever get one of those Nigerian emails where they ask for money to help them get out of Africa and in turn they will give you a fortune?

everything you need to know about poop - the poop report (may have posted this earlier but worth a mention again)

how to start today's blog? I know WOW look at the tits on this ...

forget the world wrestling federation and all the other clones try "Welcome to the Christian Wrestling Federation website. CWF is your alternative outreach ministry, professional wrestling with a message." wrestlers include:

"angel / jesus freak / devestator / psycho simon"

one quote which stood out for me "Heels are your first purchase. Minimum height is 3 inches- anything shorter and your gut will stick out and your legs will look like tree trunks" - all of your questions answered about that career in stripping / lap-dancing you were considering

NO NO NO NO NO this is horrible, at first I thought it was a joke but then ...

the Electro-Ejaculator in ram or bull size, only $1800 - strange

Spincterine was developed for both men and women who like to feel fresh all over -- even back there!

knit your own penis, go to the knitting pull-down menu on the left and select "penis"

so funny - "No matter what, I've got to keep climbing!" Chipper said on page 11 of Chipper Chipmunk Climbs Straight To The Top, released tuesday by scholastic books. "No matter how windy, no matter how lofty, I must never be scared to go high, says I!"

new bucket comic out which made me laff

finally a game - gyromarble - incredibly frustrating but good

ok have listenned to new radiohead cd and its ..................... fan - bloody - tastic, yes this is in the same vein as "kid A" and "amnesiac", but if you're not a fan of these albums, don't let that put you off. This still has enough elements from "o.k. computer" to keep you more than satisfied. More focus has gone on using "real" instruments than on the two previous albums. Radiohead now have a much more mature sound and have really found a niche in the ever sterile music market of today. There are still elements of electronica throughout "hail to the thief", but these greatly enhance the overall sound of the album.

Every track is an absolute corker, but "sit down. stand up." has to be my personal favourite. Thom Yorke's ethereal vocals are layered upon a piano loop and bits of electronica, which build up wonderfully to a climax where the music changes dramatically into fast placed blips (I promise you the final effect is a lot better than i've described!)

could not go without another mention to wing music please try her rendition of "yesterday once more" she crucifies it :P

new strongbad e-mail out today check it out people ...

well done amazon, radiohead cd "hail to the thief", blur cd "think tank" + 2 books in the "wheel of time" series + for the pc CM4, all ordered on June 3rd arrived this morning, very very impressed ...

just as impressive was englands win over the maori's by 23-9

ever wanted a reason to buy one of those new fangled mobile phones with a camera ... brilliantly coloured series of downloadable robot templates, quite literally hours of origami action ...

"talented retards like Slo Mo aren't found everyday, we know talent when we hear it -- Slo Mo is fresh" - YPL Records Executive, not politically correct I'm sure

its fathers day next weekend, please please buy me one of these, there is an old saying “you always want what you can’t have”, how true this is ...

Engine Type: V6

Displacement cu in (cc): 180 (2946)

Power bhp (kW) at RPM: 255(187) / 7150

Torque lb-ft (Nm) at RPM: 221(300) / 4650


Performance

Acceleration 0-62 mph s: 5.8

Top Speed mph (km/h): 152 (245)




whatever you do DO NOT PUSH THE BUTTON :o)



STOP PRESS ... new radiohead cd out today, gotta go get it, 'Hail To The Thief' features 14 tracks and was recorded in Oxfordshire and Los Angeles. It was produced by Nigel Godrich and Radiohead, and mixed by Nigel Godrich.



The track listing is:


2 + 2 = 5

sit down. stand up

sail to the moon

backdrifts

go to sleep

where I end and you begin

we suck young blood

the gloaming

there there

I will

a punch-up at a wedding

myxamatosis

scatterbrain

a wolf at the door



the group will play a short tour of the UK and Ireland in May.



if a funeral car passes you should hide your thumb / if you cut your nails at night, you will not be with your parents when they die, two of many strange superstitions (who am i to call them strange?) in the japan guide with further info here as well



interesting review of the last circle line tube party

... have changed the look (slightly) of front page and deleted the memories and stuff page, lemme know what u think please ...

... the webby awards are out and some of my favourites are here ...

music award: flaming lips - cool site with loads of music from a great band

net art: penny arcade - online web comic

weird: rathergood.com - joel veitch's masterpiece, visit it today

... weebl & bob reach new heights of fundom with this tribute to j-lo and the chicken is awesome ... loads of fun to be had here and i know marc will love it, retro game squillionaire, splendid ... remember skippy? not like this where he's turned goth on us ...

... have a look here, iSketch has been knocking about for years, late in getting into it but now we're addicted. If you haven't played it then play it. Now. Kiss goodbye to getting any work done ...

... Ray Macaraeg of San Jose, California, USA, blew 119 soap bubbles from a standard child's soap bubble container in 30 seconds with a live tarantula nestled inside his mouth. Why would you want to do something like that? ...


... finally Wing sings, "I have been learning singing in New Zealand and I do performances in Rest Homes and Hospitals." Christ, aren't they suffering enough? BTW: Her rendition of The Carpenters' "Close to You" is a particular treat ...

... having a clear-out of old stuff and revamping the funnies page so some links will not work, should be up & running by tomorrow evening

please if you see something not working correctly leave a comment or mail me ...

... some sad news i'm afraid, please can we have some silence and show some respect at the back? miller lite are dropping those ads, not sure what i'm talking about have a look here , 'tis a very sad day :( ...

... not too sure on the validity of this story but made me giggle like a girl ...

... after all the recent bad press about people being made redundant via text messages< a london company, ABN Amro, have taken it one step further and got the car park attendant to do it ...

Here's a link to the controversial photo of Barbara Streisand's home that is creating a $50 million mess for a Californian non-profit environmental company. The company, which photographs the California coastline to document erosion and other geological effects for the academic and scientific research communities, plans to defend itself fully. It's kind of ironic that Streisand, who claims to be an environmentalist and free-speech advocate, would cause such a stink, especially since she's ended up drawing more attention to her home and to the photos than if she just kept her mouth shut to begin with.

... finally to relieve some of that boredom you may be feeling a work a fun little helicopter game ...

... i am a happy bunny, had a weigh-in this morning amd a month to the day since we started this Atkins diet I have lost one and a half stone (that's 82.55 kilos), v. v. happy now (and slimmer) ...

full credit to wasted as he has managed to put into words that which I am unable ... I hate people that breathe loudly. You know, people that make a snorting noise reminiscent of a pig each time they inhale, or the ones that exaggerate the process so much you can actually hear the air going back and forth from across the room, often with an annoying whistle. I mean, when I see a middle-aged man… say fifty years old… is it unreasonable of me to expect him to have learnt to breathe by now? I'm pretty sure I had it mastered within my first month of life. How in God's name have you managed to live this long, man? And how did you ever manage to get laid when you sound like an asthmatic warthog with a rectum where your nose should be? That must have made the romantic silences uncomfortable as you watched the sunrise together, you snorting along to the songbirds. I don't care if I sound cruel. If you are ill, take some time off to get over it, don't go into work and annoy people by making stupid noises. That makes you no better than Bjork, which in turn makes you no better than a weasel.

... porn star, 19, runs for mayor, why can't this happen in england? ... every night before she goes to bed Rachel like me to read Cat In The Hat by Dr Suess, it will never seem the same again ... the muppets proudly present "mahnamahna" with special guest singers ... team of scientists at Johns Hopkins University announced Monday that a five-year study examining the link between polyphenols and lower cholesterol rates has found jack shit ...

some spoof websites for your pleasure:

elay - if ebay had no morals
saddam cam online - where on earth is he now ?

... wow have a look at tara reid, alyssa milano, carrie-ann (nsfw) and lauren michelle (nsfw)

... can't think of anything to post so just some links to amuse ...



check out the poll on 365 who'd make the better england captain - heskey, neville or an armband? guess which one is winning

the adventures of super diaper baby

access to all the beavis & butthead cartoons

fantastic musuem

cross your legs and enter

create a golem

miller lite girls

airline meals - why ?

sars virus tan

morning class welcome to virus writing for beginners

... omg this is soooo funny, strongbad's newest mail has hit new heights of hilarty, this guy has now become my all-time hero, "leeko leeko leeko, I'm a squeaky guy" ...

... hehehe, do I like this, not a lot, clever Viz comic with elvis and that prat paul daniels ... got your smoke alarm, burglar alarm ? how about your zombie alarm "should Zombie Alert fail to operate in a documented Zombie attack Onko Enterprises will pay $1,000,000 to the owner of the failed product" ...job got you down? feel unfulfilled and unappreciated? ... the original plan had been to construct a three-dimensional representation of Barbie's interior anatomy through the creation of a complete series of transverse sections at one-millimeter intervals ... can someone please advise if these are real or photoshopped, if real, BLIMEY !! ...

went to see Matrix Reloaded tonight, things are still pretty complicated down there. Keanu Reeves is Neo the One. "I wish I knew what I am supposed to do," he says. After more than two hours, he isn't much the wiser and neither were we.

Neo died and was resurrected. The mysterious agent Mr Smith (no longer 'agent smith') who looks like a member of MIB, has learnt to clone himself instantaneously. He's after Neo, but why? Who is he working for? Neo fights a roomful of Mr Smiths and survives. The WOW factor loses its capital letter status when credibility morphs with silliness.

The car chase / fight scene was awesome though, a real edge of your seat - sharp intake of breath thrill fest I can only liken to the first time I saw the car chase in the first french connection film. Matrix Reloaded is less innovative and more windy in the speech department. Neo keeps his trap shut and Trinity stays trim for serious motor bike stunts.

"They need you," she says.

"I need you," he says.

"There's time," she says.

He can't sleep, because when he does, he dreams of her falling from the window of an office block and being shot dead by a man diving after her.

Morpheus has become pompous and put on a fair bit of weight. "Some things never change," he says. "And some things do." The dialogue has that effect. It makes no sense, but in an important way.

The Machines are trying to wipe out Zion. Neo seeks an audience with The Oracle who will tell him what he is supposed to do, only doesn't. There is talk of "causality and choice" and how they don't exist, illusion being everything. Or nothing. They go looking for The Keymaker who will open the door to... it doesn't matter, because, by this time, all logic and understanding has entered the realm of Alice In Wonderland, where The Prophecy dictates and no-one knows what it is.

Plot aside, the effects have a beauty of their own. Fighting has never been more graceful. There is a danger of repetition, however, as Neo takes on multiple opponents time after time. The chase sequences are better, although the opposition's main men are ghosts, who cannot be shot.

The one person who behaves normally, with humour and emotion, is Link. Neo does what Link calls "his Superman thing" and would not look out of place in the X-Men house. Trinity wears skin tight leathers and performs gymnastic twirls, capable of an Olympic gold. Morpheus is Capt Picard in another skin.

Reloaded is a love story. Little bit disappointed to be honest, in light of that, it's probably best not to dwell too much on its subtext, but rather just sit back, enjoy the pretty pictures, and leave the heavy thinking for The Matrix Revolutions this autumn. "Wait a minute, he's who? That doesn't make any... Aw forget it, here comes some more CGI !"

... you cannot make this stuff up ...


german police quell mass barbecue brawl


bachelorette partygoers mistakenly peg gainesville officer as male stripper


hold hands and get a fine


couple, 102 and 96, retake vows after 75 years, plans for honeymoon include scrubbing dentures, yelling at kids to get off lawn


man running late for his flight to Phoenix calls in a phony bomb threat in hope plane would be delayed long enough to get on board

... this is so scary, home handyman is building a missile in his garage with parts bought over the Internet and shipped through Customs ...

... singapore plans to rate public toilets using a five-star system similar to that used to grade hotels as part of a new campaign called "Happy Toilet," an official said Monday ...

...judge has ordered a Chicago man to stop telling stories, regardless of their truth, about his alleged relationship with a former Vermont beauty queen ...

...japanese photographer was sentenced to 1½ years in prison Sunday after a bomb he took from Iraq as a souvenir exploded and killed an airport security guard in Jordan ...

... Einstein's riddlem claimed that only 2% of the population could solve it ...

... strewth - it's the aussie bible ...

... something that sparked my interest this morning, residents in Cwm Brefi, in Ceredigion, will be able to use computers and fridges when their village becomes the last in Wales to be connected to the national grid today ...

whilst on the same sort of thread ...

50% of the world's population have never made nor recieved a telephone call
babies are born without knee caps, they don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age
the sound you hear when you macho people crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting - ewww !
chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying
peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite
ground visibility in the Antarctic during summer is 285 miles

... found this dialect converter quite amusing, various versions of my site are redneck, quite like the jive version as for the swedish chef version weird,

... whoops invalid link to carmen electra earlier so no 8008135, sorry 'bout that this should make up for it ...

... check out some of these "dumb laws" ... omg wtf is going on here, this type of thing should be taken outside and shot, still funny though ... geek humour rulez the roost here ... excellent site and a very well done lurve story ...

... a look at the latest search engine requests that found my site ...

peanut butter jelly time - excellent shockwave parody
spear-toss game
derek nimmo
munchkins
porn website job oppurtunities - try your local porn job centre
larger penis & ways to make your penis larger - go away please my site is of no use to you at all :P

... wow what a weekend, fantastic weather, half-day friday down in bournemouth for the start of a 3-round golf competition with 9 buddies, played Merryck Park on fri afternoon and then two rounds at canford magna on the saturday (lovely course) for those that are interested in the final positions scores (stableford) listed below :

1st RH ... 116 pts
2nd GD ... 107 pts
3rd JP ... 99 pts
4th JT (me) ... 96 pts
5th SM ... 94 pts
6th DA / JJ ... 91 pts
8th GF/P ... 90 pts
9th SO'L ... 84 pts

major congrats to Hobbo (including his lack of sleep on fri nite) for 3 superb rounds and to darren for the organisation ...

... weebl and bob get maché-d ... haven't heard much about this, UK join the space race, hopefully at 17:45 today beagle2 takes off and will not get to planet mars until december this year (told them not to use the M25) ... at last all those unanswered questions from the dinner-table have been resolved ... LOL, photos that clearly demonstrate that certain intertidal and subtidal invertebrates have succumbed to peer pressure and started abusing drugs ... some unfortunate news, everybody. Ghyslain, aka the "Star Wars Kid," and his family may be pursuing legal action against the individual(s) who originally posted his video on the Internet (sorry its all in french) ... how crazy would I have to make my signature before someone would actually notice, this is quite scary ...

... laughed myself silly at this , what a prat ...

8008135, carmen electra, need I say anymore ...