after more than 300 years, the trusty old cheque is about to disappear forever. But will we miss it? the cheque's in the past, cheques, which date back to the English Civil War, are in rapid decline as a means of payment with the latest nail in the coffin coming this week with the announcement that Britain's biggest cheque printing plant is to close sign here and post with more here

Why do we have to wait another 16 days after the premiere in NZ - "It's quite good, nah it's fantastic, it's amazing, it's definitely the best," chirped Pippin Took.

to UK readers of a certain age, hearing the theme tune to the Jim'll Fix-it show will simply make you grin. Fnord has taken the song and added some of the best images that have recently appeared on the b3ta site to make something that... that just makes us go woo (Requires RealPlayer)

rathergood kitten news - originator joel has been making a TV show for C4 called Rathergood Videos, to promote it he's
returned to the stuff that made him famous in the first place: Singing Kittens. This one features Laibach and the Marching Kittens of Doom.

no purchase necessary - November 29th 2003 is Buy Nothing Day (UK), the self proclaimed festival of frugal living and culture jammers jamboree. It's a day where you challenge yourself, your family and friends to switch off from shopping and tune into life. Celebrated as a holiday by some, a street party by others - anyone can take part provided they spend a day without spending! - please let my wife read this :)

jeremy edwards is one of the luckiest guys around as he has rachel stevens as a girlfriend, agreed OK ?

why oh why is he moaning and griping about his missus showing off a bit of flesh ? In an interview with Now magazine he's quoted as saying "It seems that the easiest way for a young girl to sell records is to get her kit off... ..." and "I think there's a danger of being known for skimpy outfits instead of her talent." - what a MUPPET !!!

The folk of Geuda Springs, a tiny town in southern Kansas, are taking gun control very seriously. But their approach is not what you might expect. The local council has just passed an ordinance requiring all households, with some exemptions, to keep guns and a stash of ammunition and (before you say it) it's not made up look here

There's a website out there that (is officially gay, and) lists 50 things that girls wish guys knew, as a guy, I was offended, girl's original list on the left in yellow. To the right of each item in white is the 'open letter'-type male response to their stupid-ass, bullshit complaint - fantastic website my favourite has to be ...
Female: We're typically smarter than you...so get over it and stop whining when we get better grades than you.
Male: Yeah, girls are smarter than guys. As proof, I will list every single position that women have held in the biggest corporations in the world: "secretary," "eye candy," "stupid bitch."
original site here

some interesting visual phenomena, generally called optical illusions, sometimes visual illusions (apart from the crappy-mouse-icon-follower-thingy err.. ) site is here

I got a few good laughs from some of the prank emails on this guy's site. Some of the responses to his inquiry about 'dropping soap in the shower' in prison are priceless from apechild.com

good news dear, I've had the test and don't have chlamydia .. results here

some cool zodiac pictures including some 8008135

this guy makes david blane's stunt laughable

Food Network, the television cooking channel, has just announced a new show aimed squarely at Christians. "Cooking with Jesus" will be hosted by the Son of God himself, and each week will feature culinary specialties from holy places around the world (endorsed by jesus christ himself "I laughed so hard I fell off my cross")

quickies ...
a web site devoted to Princess Leia's metal bikini in Return of the Jedi
ever wanted to work in a fast food place? cool little game that gets very difficult
The County of Los Angeles has requested that equipment vendors avoid using the industry term "Master/Slave" in product descriptions and labelling, more here
yay - battle-chess online
KKK initiation gone wrong (or right, i guess)
museum of 1337
Surf the internet with a handicap. It may put into perspective what we take so easily for granted, try it

on e-bay

my favourite - Newton's Third Law of Motion, demonstrated by baby penguins

The National Farmers' Union has released a chill-out album to help turkeys keep calm in the understandably stressful run-up to Christmas. Geoff Hemus is one of 300 farmers who will be playing recordings of Gregorian chants, whale calls and rustling forests to his 3,500 birds. However, Hemus's turkeys only have 2-1/2 weeks to relax before they have to face the music for Christmas. The union plans to announce the number one turkey-soothing track next month.

excellent video footage of firework factory going up in smoke - cameraman gets a bit close sometimes (from ebaums website)

wtf - when your regular chainsaw just doesn't cut it, maybe you just need a bigger engine, like the one in your car. (video)

another video - all I want for xmas is boobies, please Santa i'll be good

the matrix in 6 minutes, (I know Lego Fu) just the best parts, with computer-generated Legos, great fight sequences and reinterpretations of key scenes by devout fans of the original

omg - fhm have released their top 10 high street honeys for our viewing ...





and my favourite

and the winner is ...



headline of the year - Every donkey in Baghdad is suddenly under suspicion as U.S. President George W. Bush wages a global war on terror.

some quick links ...

pinksteel - gay metal at its hardest
badonkadate.com - whether you're looking for a friend, a date, or just want to slap some big fat ass
Think you can type? Test your skills with this cool little game
hell attack2 - clever little game
thundercats bloopers - so funny (from ebaum)
supermodelforever.com has new pictures - cracking one of carmen electra this week

made me laugh from oco-is-here.com

Call it spam rage: A Silicon Valley computer programmer has been arrested for threatening to torture and kill employees of the company he blames for bombarding his computer with Web ads promising to enlarge his penis. more here

Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Fred Neiman, announced findings related to his research into the female soul early this week. "The absence of either salvation or condemnation for women finds extensive support in the Word of God." He reported. "Jesus said that the sole reason God created women in the first place was to provide company and service to men (1 Corinthians 11:9), God determined that men would be lonely living alone, so he created women purely to keep men company and serve their needs (Genesis 2:18-22). Women are therefore completely subordinate to men (1 Corinthians 11:3). It stands to reason, though, that once men enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they will be one with God, and will no longer be lonely and in need of mortal companionship. Thus, the reason behind having women will no longer exist. Women, like the members of the animal kingdom, will fall by the wayside."

LOL from daveschultz.com - These are notes from an inexperienced chili taster named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from New Jersey and fell into it

"Recently I was lucky enough to be the 10,000th attendee at the State Fair in Texas, and was asked to fill in to be a judge at a chili cook-off. Apparently the original judge #3 called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that it would be a fun event and a true taste of Texas hospitality. They assured me that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event

Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

JUDGE ONE A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili

JUDGE ONE Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

JUDGE ONE Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced.

Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic

JUDGE ONE Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills;that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating.

Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue
from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!

Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

JUDGE ONE A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Helen's Mount Saint Chili

JUDGE ONE A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 farted, passed out, fell and pulled the chili pot on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank. LOL

3 guys go into a hotel, the man behind the desk says the room is £30 so each man pays £10 and went to the room.
A while later the amn behind the desk realises the room was only £25 so he sends the bellboy to the 3 guys room with £5
On the way to the room the bellboy can't figure out how to split £5 evenly between the three men, so he gave each man £1 and kept £2 for himself.
This mean't that each man had paid £9 for the room, which is a total of £27, add the £2 that the bellboy kept = £29
Where is the other £1 ???

partybot / duck lights / megasplat paintball gun / x24 powerboard / battling microtank ... pretty please ...

you've probably had a difficult time over the past few weeks NOT hearing about Britney Spears in the news, Playboy is allegedly offering her big bucks to show the remaining 1% of her body that hasn't already been seen on the covers of magazines. I case you've forgotten what that body looks like, here are some new reminders courtesy of apechild.com:



I find this incredible if its true - TOKYO: Japan will send government officials to the Philippines Thursday to investigate unconfirmed reports that a few Japanese soldiers are still hiding out in the jungle, refusing to surrender after World War II. The mission, involving three researchers of the Health and Welfare Ministry, will search jungles on Luzon Island during a week-long investigation, a ministry official said on Wednesday.
“We have received information that a former Japanese soldier had lived in a village in the suburb of Manila, pretending to be a local resident, and the man apparently contacted a few Japanese still hiding in a jungle before he died in 1996,” the official said. The mission also includes two former Japanese soldiers who surrendered in Philippine jungles and were sent back to Japan after the end of World War II. If the reports prove true, it would be the first confirmation of Japanese holding out since 1974, when a former Imperial Army second lieutenant, Michio Onoda, returned to Japan after surviving for three-decades in a jungle having refused to surrender.

Anyone for a $7000 4GB Stick of Memory?

At green-beret school, the final exam is two weeks long. "Entering the guerrilla camp, I saw the place was a mess in more ways than one. There were no perimeter guards. The prior night's fire was still smoldering. Its remnants testified to a bonfire that could have been seen for miles had it not been for the dense pine forest all around. Equipment — weapons, backpacks, and sleeping bags — were scattered all over the place. Most of the "G's" — guerrillas in SF-speak — were clustered around the two Army Special Forces men who were talking to the guerrilla chief. They were trying patiently — and in vain — to get the chief to focus on any subject for more than 30 seconds at a time. He seemed more interested in what they had in their rucksacks than anything else. The SF guys, who had hiked all night to get there, were part of a dozen-man "A-team." The other ten were about a quarter of a mile away, waiting for a signal to come in. They must have heard the shots the guerrilla chief fired into the air, and wondered just what the hell was going on. It's all part of the two-week final exam at the Army Special Forces School."

some fantastic work here of 3d pavement pictures, this is a real talented guy that deserves far more recognition that I can ever give ...



Do you friends--or worse yet--your parents hassle you for being a pathetic loser who can't find a nice girlfriend? Well, now you can bid on an authentic imaginary girlfriend at eBay and make them think you aren't the loser that you actually are!

some of the hottest women on the net if you are still a loser after trying the last e-bay option over here

finally big game tomorrow against auz in the rugby world cup final - c'mon guys one huge effort and we can paint sydney fed & white with our celebrations :)

We knew stealing that music was wrong. Stealing is never OK. But, it was just too easy. So we told ourselves we were just "sharing" the music, because everyone knows that sharing is a good thing.

But then we learned what we were really doing. We heard our favorite recording artists telling us that our "sharing" is really shoplifting and piracy. We were stealing from the musicians and singers we love!

That was when we looked at each other and said: "No more! It's time to make it right by giving back what we stole!" And that's just what we did! We sent back all the MP3's we'd illegally downloaded. Everyone one of them!

Won't you join us in sending them back?

"remember my name, fame, I'm gonna live forever" err ... apparently not

one way of parking that bike (1.8MB)

also how gutted would you be



found by chris

someone has got to my site with "How to start a brass band in Caversham" search entry into google (I have checked this and am 13th out of 40 uk entries) strange !!

also some other recent search entries that have led peeps here ..

pron star doctor suess
statistics on fire danger in raves
jonny wilkinson xxx pics (wtf?)
pictures of women stripping and without bras
weight nelson's column
show me some tattoo designs

keep 'em coming upto 1208 unique visits this month (1471 including reloads)

navigate Kolibri, suck the nectar and win a special prize! (slightly NSFW)

ouch !!! be careful if a little squeamish, this put my in-growing toenail to shame

I say this is definitely not cricket - University of Central Florida speech expert has diagnosed an extremely rare disorder (foreign-accent syndrome) in a Sarasota, Fla., woman that caused her to speak with a British accent after she suffered a stroke and in other news raking leaves can be one of the more pleasurable chores of autumn, especially if you know how to use a rake without straining your back

See if you can be Hyptnotized... (or not) here

man changing a flat tire choked to death on a bag of marijuana he stuffed down his throat in an apparent attempt to hide it from police who stopped to help him early today, what a way to go

10 times in history when use of the "f" word has been acceptable ... (repost)

10. " What the @#$% was that?"
- Mayor of Hiroshima, 1945

9. "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"
- Custer, 1877

8. "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."
-Einstein, 1938

7. "It does so @#$%ing look like her!"
- Picasso, 1926

6. "How the @#$% did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras, 126 BC

5. "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"
- Michelangelo, 1566

4. "Where the @#$% are we?"
- Amelia Earhart, 1937

3. "Scattered @#$%ing showers....My ass!"
- Noah, 4314 BC

2. "Aw c'mon, Who the @#$% is going to find out?"
- Bill Clinton, 1999

And..... drum roll........

1. "Geez, I didn't think they'd get this @#$%ing mad."
- Osama bin Laden, 2001

Shannen Doherty's new Playboy pics. Jason Priestly is fapping off in a corner somewhere...

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Uh.. In light of recent events, we'll only be serving the vegetarian meal on today's flight..." (pretty gross)

I've always wanted to try kitesurfing but always imagined that something like this would happen to me. Hey, at least the guy got a free trip home.

Yes, it's that time of year again, a time when more american men gather in front of the TV than for any event other than the Superbowl. Tomorrow evening marks the return of the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on CBS, despite protests from conservative parents' groups who apparently have problems working that little thing on their coffee table called a 'remote'. Don't want your kids to see Gisele, Heidi, and Tyra strutting around in their panties on network TV? THEN CHANGE THE CHANNEL! It's not difficult. For those who want a sneak peek of the ladies, check out the video of the event, which was taped last week ... from apechild.com



nasty irritating little game post your best scores in the comments

jeffrey archer has signed up for the london marathon next year, he will be running with a group of 20 ex-cons and disgraced politicians and should finish "first among equals"

leslie ash has confessed how her cosmetic surgery that lead to the "trout pout" label may end up with her leaving the country as she cannot put up with the abuse anymore - getting a bit lippy isn't she ...

chris morris, media terrorist, comedy god or just the funniest man from here in UK? If not you can go to here.

getting converted has never been so easy - do you need to change religion to grab the chance for a career outlook? Are you going to work abroad? Getting a new customized god is easy with Plug'n'Pray. A new spirituality and a new respectability can be yours at a mouse click.


big well done to the Guardian newspaper, as George Bush lands in Britain for his first state visit, we asked 60 Brits and Americans to make the most of it and write welcome letters, so are very amusing some quite suprising ...

Dear President Bush,
I'm sure you'll be having a nice little tea party with your fellow war criminal, Tony Blair. Please wash the cucumber sandwiches down with a glass of blood, with my compliments.
Harold Pinter
Playwright

Dear George,
Sorry about that delay at the airport - no one had been warned that you had never owned a passport. And thanks for warning us that your secret service requires a motorcade of more than 35 cars. You might want to look out for a letter that turns up in the next few weeks marked "Congestion charge".
You are, of course, an enormously popular figure over here and thousands of well-wishers will be turning out to greet you. They are so desperate for a handshake and a chat that they may have even made special placards asking you to "Stop Bush!" Even if your security officers advise against it, why not pull over and mingle with the crowd? You might ask them if they can guess what the initial stands for in George W Bush. It might be fun to see which W first springs to mind!
John O'Farrell
Writer

Dear George,
I would just like to say how much I hate you. You have done nothing positive in your whole time as president. You are the reason for the poverty in the Middle East. You have no idea what you are doing. You're killing loads of people, and that is not excluding your own nation too. There are still lots of very poor people in America, and they are getting poorer.
You keep making excuses about Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, but all you were in Iraq for was the oil. Saddam had been there for 30 years, so why is it only now you decided to act? You keep talking about September 11 when all you do is bomb other countries and give Israel lots of money. It is a very bad idea that you have come over here.
I don't want to grow up in a country which is so influenced by you and your policies.
Mickey (12)

Dear President Bush,
The peace demonstrations that are being organised when you are in London will be serious, peaceful and will enjoy huge public support because they are about the disastrous consequences that have followed the illegal invasion, conquest, occupation and colonisation of Iraq.
They are not directed at you alone, or Americans generally, because the British government was equally responsible for the war and we know the peace movement is just as strong in the US as it is here, though it is not reported properly in the British press. We know that even if you were replaced tomorrow the neo-conservatives who wield real power in Washington, along with the multinational corporations which funded your political campaigns, would immediately find another Republican president who would be equally committed to the American empire, which now straddles the world and has more countries in its sights.
Earlier this year, the New York Times described the world peace movement as a superpower, and so it is becoming, as more and more people across the globe have come to a common understanding as to the dangers posed by American imperialism and are resolved to defeat it.
You have told us that those who are not with you are against you. By answering that question clearly we can help you to learn that you do not have support in Britain, and maybe next year the Americans will bring about a regime change there, as we fervently hope they will, and that your reception here will strengthen them in their determination to do just that.
Tony Benn
Peace campaigner and former cabinet Minister

Dear George,
I must be missing something. When you were elected it felt like a bad dream. Here was the new most powerful man on the planet and his main qualification seemed to be distinguished service in his college cheerleading squad. He cared nothing about the world outside America and in his spare time he liked to send educationally subnormal kids to the electric chair. Well, I said to myself, at least we elected the kind of government who'll stand up to him. I keep pinching myself, George. I keep on doing it.
I'd really like you to answer one question. How come Tony does everything you say? You can detain British citizens without trial, break every international agreement going, and still you get to make this full state visit. George, you won't be able to see us protesting because they'll keep us out of sight, but how did you persuade him to use our taxes to help your re-election campaign? Do you have pictures of him in bed with Prince Charles? Or a goat? It has to be something like that. Please let me know.
Yours, confused
Hari Kunzru
Author

to hanks smoke break question today - Remember: buying a chameleon means taking on a long-term commitment. With life spans as high as 9 or 10 years (sometimes more), chameleons are definitely not, and should never be impulse purchases from http://www.chameleonsonline.com/ .... don't ask :)

Woman driving through Gettysburg National Park fails to negotiate curve, takes out 74th Pennsylvania Infantry

err lucky this domain hadn't been taken before they got it ?

Meat Loaf collapses on stage in front of stunned concertgoers. “Meat fell like a sack of spuds, three cans of peas, six pork chops and a generous side of pudding" fan sort of says

"Bluejacking" involves sending anonymous messages to carriers of other Bluetooth-equipped phones

Snow fighting, present stealing... the whole package.

puppets with problems

too much time ?? - banana peels are ridiculously famous for causing people to slip and fall, we've been exposed to this notion our entire lives, started wondering just how slippery are banana peels? do they even warrant this notorious reputation? a little experiment to measure the relative slipperiness of banana peels in comparison to other fruit peels and items.

supermodelforever.com posts today and wow ....

wow you lovely people have hit this site 1082 times this month setting a new record , and there's still 12 days to month end, you all deserve a pat on the back :)

biggest referrers to date:

blogger.com
jandrell.co.uk
hardskillz
invisibleink.org
markbaggs.co.uk
blizzard.co.uk

many thanks guys ...

bit concerned about how some of you have found this site, lack of comittment here ...

17 Nov, Mon, 11:49:41 Google: pole dance lessons video
17 Nov, Mon, 12:50:12 Google: ironing board covers kylie Minogue
17 Nov, Mon, 16:03:05 Google: t.v advert slogans you can do it when you b&q it
17 Nov, Mon, 16:14:03 Google: miriam+transsexual
17 Nov, Mon, 17:19:16 Google: spywareinfo bbc realone
17 Nov, Mon, 17:20:56 Altavista: hidden camera
17 Nov, Mon, 17:48:02 Google: skid marks in underwear
17 Nov, Mon, 19:43:51 Google: "office practical jokes"
17 Nov, Mon, 19:50:15 Google: "There's Something About Miriam""pictures"
17 Nov, Mon, 19:52:30 Google: "There's Something About Miriam""pictures"
17 Nov, Mon, 19:59:07 Google: "Thomas R. Dahlberg"
17 Nov, Mon, 20:19:56 Google: "masturbation quiz"
17 Nov, Mon, 20:55:15 Google: ebaumsworld backwards swimming suit
17 Nov, Mon, 21:06:38 Google: MTV AWARDS GOLEM
17 Nov, Mon, 21:39:56 Google: paperazzi naked -foobla
17 Nov, Mon, 23:21:08 Google: chelsea fans pissed cup winners cup final
18 Nov, Tue, 07:17:39 Google: windows xp agp440.sys

as for geographically (sample) ...

.edu - US Educational - 74 (oops better clean up my act)
.au - Australia - 74 (we're gonna win on saturday)
.nz - New Zealand - 70 (surely not all these were chris & laura)
.gov - US Government - 13 (i was only joking about your president)
.no - Norway - 7 (land of fjords and A-Ha)
.mil - US Military - 6 (holy crap help!)
.ee - Estonia - 2 (how on earth?)
.ru - Russian Federation - 2 (mr abramovich i presume)
.arpa - Old style Arpanet - 1 (wtf?)
.tt - Trinidad and Tobago - 1 (land of the ganga)
.by - Belarus - 1 (and that concludes the voting in this years eurovision song.... sorry)

laterz...

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP:
Never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

KLEENEX:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

quite a shocking series of pictures and anyone who contemplates drink-driving after seeing this should be shot - well anyone who has ever contemplated it should be shot imho ...

Would you want this hanging on your tree?!?

baby sitter from hell

mcgiggle mcrofl – mr macdonald doesn’t like the dictionary definition of mcjob “low paying and dead end work”

cracking this is sooo funny - new deck of "Most Wanted" novelty playing cards is capitalizing on the current popularity of "Most Wanted" novelty playing cards



haven't a scooby whats going on here - Cool music and weird artsy stuff, keep clicking the mouse

found 2 pictures that really amused me on b3ta.com rather than post them here you can access them here and here

amazing and someone will probably earn money from this :) robotic pussy anyone ?

the hitchhiker... or is it just your imagination?

Very tricky in the later stages ...... post your highest score in the comments section....... (req flash) from cj's site

Remember the attack by the tiger on the magician about a month ago ??story here appalling footage of the tiger attack (bit gruesome so be careful)

England players against France at Sydney's Olympic stadium November 16. Jonny Wilkinson kicked England to a 24-7 victory over France in the World Cup semi-finals on Sunday to join Australia in next Saturday's final.

state laws in arizona - surely a fake but funny never the less "you may not have more than two dildos in a house and your donkey cannot sleep in the bathtub"

Scientist on the verge of snail impotence and clam depression breakthrough

I feel really bad for all this ladies loved ones, but especially for her godson.....

church sign generator

garfield uncut - hilarious

the epic battle of Hevetica vs. Arial, there is only One True(TM) King: Verdana

Choose your own adventure flash game - all very south park animated

this also makes me laugh, but i'm not sure why

bizzare tale from behind bars in Kentucky where one male inmate was booked as a "she," but later turned out to be a "he." How could a man spend more than eight months locked up with women?

nsfw - the trojan games include weight-lifting, precision vaulting and judo - visit the site here

submit that expense claim

very simple game, just hold down the mouse button for the correct amount of time

It's hard being a parent in this modern world. Giving your child a loving and portable nurturing device or, your failure to, could mean the difference between Good-Little Jimmy and Crackhead-Fag-Little Jimmy. With a Priest Doll, your Child will develop a special bond. This bond is so strong, it's SECRET!

wtf ??? - aren't you a little old for those?


You have the impression that the disasters of the world do not touch you anymore? You feel vaguely sorry for other people's misfortunes but you don't feel the inner urge which used to make you help your neighbour ? WiFi-SM is the solution !

oh dear sat down with family and watched eastenders last night and thought it was brilliant (what on earth is going on?) alfie moon (shane richie) in the never-ending will they won't they saga with kat slater (jessie wallace) ended with alfie charging off to the church with minutes to spare, find an ice-delivery truck blocking the road and alfie utters the immortal words "if you don't move this truck I'm gonna rip off that exhaust pipe and turn you into a human lollipop" ... classic ... ended with the chase still on (means I'm gonna have to watch again tomorrow)

is it time to change the thumbnail totty or are u happy with what I've got ?

THE "GHOST" CRAP

The kind where you feel that CRAP come out, see CRAP on the toilet paper, but there's no CRAP in the bowl.

THE "CLEAN" CRAP

The kind where you feel CRAP come out, see CRAP in the bowl, but there's no CRAP on the toilet paper.

THE "WET" CRAP

You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin your underwear with those dreadful skid marks.

THE "BRAIN HEMORRAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE" CRAP

You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

THE "SECOND WAVE" CRAP

This CRAP usually happens when you've finished, you pants are up to your knees, and suddenly realize you have to CRAP some more.

THE "CORN" CRAP

No explanation neccessary.

THE "LINCOLN LOG" CRAP

The kind of CRAP that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

THE "NOTORIOUS" CRAP

The kind of CRAP you have in the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

THE "GEE I REALLY WISH I COULD" CRAP

The kind where you want to CRAP but, even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

THE "POWER DUMP" CRAP

The kind that comes out so fast that you barely get your trousers / boxers off before it starts.

THE "SPINAL TAP" CRAP

The kind of CRAP that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

THE "PORRIDGE" CRAP

The type of CRAP that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" CRAP

When you drop lots of cute, little, round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE" CRAP

Also sometimes referred to as the "TOXIC DUMP". Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.

THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURD STILL DANGLING THERE" CRAP

Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off, because if you wipe it now, it's going to smear all over the place.

THE "I'VE JUST DIED" CRAP

The type of CRAP that feels like you're giving birth to a porqupine out of your asshole.

THE "TITANIC" CRAP

Sinks as soon as it hits the water.

-----------------------------------------------

Top Ten Kids' Instructions On Life
1. "Wear a hat when feeding seagulls."
- Rocky, age 9

2. "Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning."
- Stephanie, age 8

3. "Never bug a pregnant mom."
- Nicholas, age 11

4. "When your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?'
don't answer him."
- Heather, age 16

5. "Never tell your mom her diet's not working."
- Michael, age 14

6. "When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom
when she's on the phone."
- Alyesha, age 13

7. "Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do
what your mom told you to do."
- Hank, age 12

8. "Never dare your little brother to paint the family car."
- Phillip, age 13

9. "Remember the two places you are always welcome-church and
Grandma's house."
- Joanne, age 11

10. "When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents."
- Matthew, age 12

all from amusingfacts.com

Biologists have linked a mysterious, underwater farting sound to bubbles coming out of a herring's anus. No fish had been known to emit sound from its anus nor to be capable of producing such a high-pitched noise. "It sounds just like a high-pitched raspberry," says Ben Wilson of the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, Canada (listen here, .wav file). Wilson and his colleagues cannot be sure why herring make this sound, but initial research suggests that it might explain the puzzle of how shoals keep together after dark. "Surprising and interesting" is how aquatic acoustic specialist Dennis Higgs, of the University of Windsor in Ontario, describes the discovery. It is the first case of a fish potentially using high frequency for communication, he believes (this has me laughing a lot)

creators of the video game series "Grand Theft Auto" want a federal judge to dismiss a $246 million lawsuit filed by the families of two people shot by teenagers - Rockstar Games and its New York City-based parent, Take-Two Interactive Software last seen sppeding off towards the paint shop

Lovely, witty photography by Matt Stuart. A man dedicated to the wierd everyday things he sees on the streets of London.

Iain Duncan Smith has declared that he will "fight, fight and fight again" in his battle to remain Conservative party leader, even though he no longer is.
Speaking to the press - while Central Office officials could be seen taking his office furniture, several "Vote IDS" posters, and his collection of toy soldiers straight into the back of a waiting removals van - he said that, "even though I have been defeated in the vote of confidence I in no way intend that this should hamper my campaign to stay as leader of the party and to become prime minister after the next general election." As Betsy Duncan Smith could be seen driving rapidly away at great speed he continued "and my wife agrees".
He then explained - to the single journalist left from Toy Soldiers Weekly - that his campaign would not be buffeted around by "the mere fact that it has been defeated. My resolve is like iron, I will take this fight to everyone and anyone who will listen, whether they like it or not". He then could be seen picking up his Conservative party issue loud-hailer and marching around Smith Square shouting "vote for for me you dolts" at tramps and bemused onlookers.
from brainstrust.co.uk

couple from the list of coolest inventions for 2003 from time magazine



Just in case floating in pristine waters past colorful sea creatures and brilliant coral isn't entertaining enough, a French company has invented the first snorkel with an FM-radio receiver built in. The battery-powered snorkel gets reception as long as the tip of the air tube is above water. There's no earpiece needed because sounds are transmitted through vibrations in your teeth and jawbone. What if you're not near any radio stations? The company is recruiting resorts to develop special audio tours, in which canned music or information about the area can be piped to snorkelers from a boat up to 80 yds. away, more here

The fashion and high-tech industries rarely see eye to eye. But if the future of technology is in wearable computers, as some believe, then the Offspring Wearable prototypes are a step in the right direction. These sunglasses don't just look cool—they also house a tiny digital camera lens (which peeks out from a pinhole opening above the right lens) as well as a miniature display inside the left lens for reading e-mail or looking up information online. An earpiece for your cell phone pops out from the side of the glasses. It's all part of a wearable wireless system that includes a two-way-radio watch, a PDA and other add-ons.

some links for your perusing ...

the faerie wars cobblestone minfield

remarkably harrowing cartoon from Halfgiraffe, it starts off so innocently, with a man buying a lovely new toaster, but it truly is the work of a disturbed mind. Toast fact: If you can smell burning toast, it means you are about to have a stroke. Or your toast is burning. Bad news either way, we feel.

this game rocks, cool sound affects, and rewarding music at the end!

Shrek II movie preview. Looks like it may be pretty damn funny

from chris's site - what does Bush want closed for his visit to UK ..... London ..... yep, that's right - for his security (which we all pray for), he wants central London closed down for three days whilst he is here. It is laughable how stupid his advisers must be to think that England would ever bow to his ridiculous demands. Yes, we know he assumes that America is the centre of the universe and that all other countries are villages surrounding his Metropolis but he's staying at Buckingham Palace for crying out loud. Someone tell him that the Queen lives there and that it's pretty secure without, as he wants, closing the Mall, Whitehall and some of the city. The story is here and a list of his entourage (which could rival J-Lo's) is here my thoughts are summed up here

Yes, the innocent joys of high explosive. Sack has been playing with very dangerous toys indeed. Here is his video and step-by-step instructions on making a landmine. Which you are not to follow, because that would be extremely unwise, wouldn't it?

this is good, and very timely too, meatrix is a well thought-out anti-factory-farming campaign, worth it, if only to see Larry Fishburne as a cow.

campaign for better loos - Our mission is to represent the interests and aspirations of 'away from home' toilet providers, suppliers and users of all types and to act as the catalyst for change in the pursuit of standards of excellence in all areas of public toilet provision and management

strange site for hooligans, mostly brits too

British rock band Suede, one of the defining bands of the mid-1990s Britpop scene, are to split up. The band, led by Brett Anderson, said the split would not affect existing tour commitments.

"Suede would like to announce that from next year they will be working on their own individual projects," a statement on their website said.




put the hair on homestar

introducing the world's first luxury amphibious motorcoach/yacht

err this guy has way too much time on his hands (pumpkins too !)

have a nice trip

strange looking film that gave me a shudder just watching the trailer

are you at risk of fapping yourself into a coma? better find out

city jumper - excellent fun for all

frank's adventure (a bit nsfw)

wanna cheat on your spouse and don't know how? these nice folks will help you, and, in canadian dollars, so it's a bargain

tidy butt and the billy doll - don't ask how I found this

omg, whatever you do don't click here

are you in the final stages of terminal boredom, or, really don't want to do your next task, click all over the sky and make your own fireworks display - very nice

wtf? - liberal government at Queen's Park is moving forward on the Tim Hortons frozen doughnut scandal on a number of fronts, number of witnesses are expected to be called, from corporate executives to the folks who work the drive-through windows

definitely NFW (a pad commercial parody, very disgusting)

the duelling banjo's had me nearly wetting myself absolutely fantastic

want that special xmas present for the lady in your life ? alternatively you could try here

oral sex for girls and boys, your partner will thank you from africans.co.za

haven't posted this for a while and had a few requests for it :) try this place peeps

CAREFUL driver Joanna James was clocked speeding in her ageing Austin Maestro - at an amazing 480 miles an hour. Joanna, 28, was stunned to be hit with the supersonic speeding ticket in her 14-year-old runaround car bought for just £100.

The 480mph speed in the G-reg Maestro (pic here for those who do not know this car) was faster than supercars such as Ferraris and Lamborghinis - and twice the take-off speed of a Boeing 737 jet. Mother-of-three (not sure of the relevance of this?) Joanna said, "I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the ticket said I was doing 480mph.

"I can barely reach 48 miles an hour in my old car never mind that sort of speed. "The ticket even said they had photographic evidence of me on a speed camera - but I would have been just a blur like a bullet flying past."

The South Wales Safety Camera Partnership - run by three police forces in Wales - blamed the ticket on a clerical error. A spokeswoman said, "We will be sending her an amended ticket for 48mph."

these were the last 3 pictures that were taken of my dog while we were at the beach. Since then my beloved canine has gone missing and I have posted these pictures everywhere with a reward to anyone that finds Fido. Friends have looked at the pics and cannot seem to identify the dog please can you help me !!!



nearly lost control of the car this morning, whilst listening to talksport on radio CEO of marks & spencer talking about 6 month profit results uttered the immortal phrase "M&S are set up for the all-important Christmas season, with a gift catalogue 50% bigger than 2002's the firm's largest range to date of party clothing although we do have work to do in womens clothes" - one way of pulling in the punters I suppose :)

Indian ex-politician has half-baked Chick-a-Masala recipe

alien vs. predator movie ... a must see

Instructions: Fill in the blanks. Each blank uses one word and no punctuation. Please use a #2 pencil. No food or drink allowed in the testing facility. This is your brain on the 80's, any questions? 80's lyrics quiz .... also following on the music theme worst album covers of all time

French police station has been stuck with a room of homeless garden gnomes, victims of a wave of gnome abductions, after a fresh bid to trace their owners failed. Policemen pose with more than 180 abducted garden gnomes in this file photo

man riding a Metro-North train dropped his cell phone in a toilet and got his arm stuck trying to retrieve it more here

for far too long we have been told lies, Belgium does not exist

to be honest i have no idea what is going on here sidetalkin.com (answers on a postcard please)

pelvic power lifting anyone ? (prob NSFW)

man in a Spiderman outfit protesting about fathers' rights in a 100ft crane above London's Tower Bridge has been condemned for bringing traffic chaos to the capital

talking of traffic how did this happen ???



sources used in the construction of this post include z-filter , b3ta.com , osrm.net

Moscow city authorities have told children not to celebrate Halloween because it is psychologically damaging and not in line with educational aims

full hero status accorded to marc for finding a funny site about cybersex gone wrong :) - the vegetable session and pirate one at the end had me in stitches - make sure u read this if nothing else on here it's superb

scary pictures from the fire situation in california

39-year-old Sydney man was today arrested in relation to a multi-million dollar scam commonly known as "Nigerian fraud"

oops someones in trouble - Kanagawa Gov. Shigefumi Matsuzawa labeled foreigners in Japan a "bunch of sneaky thieves" before backtracking and claiming he'd been misquoted. When reporters questioned the governor about his remarks, he claimed he was only referring to "some foreigners," but then added "those who get into the country on work or tourist visas," which equates to nearly two-thirds of the non-Japanese population and nearly all of the foreign nationals not born or bred in the country. He continued, saying "I didn't mean everybody." - ahhh thats OK then :)

some palindromes for you ... courtesy of savland

1. Never odd or even.
2. A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.
3. Madam, I'm Adam.
4. Sit on a potato pan, Otis.
5. Sit on Otis.
6. Go Hang a Salami, I'm a Lasagna Hog! ???
7. Too Hot to Hoot
8. Some men interpret nine memos.

following on from last wednesday's post the sun has caught up with the story at last

now this definitely has my interest - it took over 14 years of research, innovation, and improvement, with a 20 million dollar investment to produce the Laser Turntable! Our motto is: "No Needle, No Wear ™." The LT features an absolutely contact-free optical pickup system. Play a record thousands of times with no damage to the record. Get the same sparkling sound on the 1000th play as the first play.

globalgasm is a monthly digital orgy with the intent of healing the planet, imagine the entire world having sex at once! to participate, simply have a orgasm at the designated time!

hope the missus doesn't read this - web-site porn attracts women by the millions

serves him right - man described by authorities as a known sexual predator was chased through the streets of South Philadelphia by an angry crowd of Catholic high school girls, who kicked and punched him after he was tackled by neighbors, police said Friday - read more here

this is so wrong in all sorts of ways - shoveitupmyarse.co.uk

gaming heaven can be found here, that marble is a bytch to control

joke of the week ...

A very large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed, dissipated drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"