galleries are down for the time being until I decide best way of doing them, please, if you have any sensible suggestions for web gallery software let me know ...

I know this is cheap (especially as I nicked it from little runon ), but I just couldn't resist. I love to hear about misheard song lyrics...

I came across an article in a newspaper a few years ago in which locals had written in and confessed the lyrics which they used to sing while caroling, or in church. Here are some highlights…

1. “Hark, the Herald Angels Sing” : This is unbelievable, people. In the first verse, which states, “peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled,” one Oregonian reader used to sing, “peace on earth and mercy mild, Goddamn sinners reconciled.” Hmmm. It's actually quite theologically sound, yet involves swearing in church, which is typically not a good thing.

2. “Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer” : While it’s true that the last line of the song actually reads, “You’ll go down in history,” one reader used to sing “You’ll go down and kill Doreen.” Who says violence in the media doesn’t affect children? Poor Doreen never saw it coming.

3. “Away in a Manger” : People, just to be official, the words read “the cattle are lowing, the baby awakes,” not “the cattle are blowing the baby away.” Again, violence in the media ... everyone please write your local mp.

4. “The Christmas Song” : To quote Margie Boule, the writer of the article, “No matter what the records sound like, let’s set this straight: chipmunks are not roasting on an open fire, and Jack Frost is not ripping off your clothes.” Another lady who wrote in said her son used to sing “chest hairs roasting on an open fire.” Ouch.

5. “We Wish You are Merry Christmas” : Yes, we are all aware that some sort of mystery pudding is described in this song. But the correct lyrics read, “Now bring us some figgy pudding,” and definitely not “bring us some friggin’
pudding,” as one reader believed the song said as a child.

I could relate to this article because for many years the song "The First Noel" had me thinking that the word "certain" could be a verb. The line "the first Noel the angels did say was to certain poor shepherds in fields where they lay" mean't to me that the poor shepherds were uncertain about something, so the angels came to "certain" them, that is, to make them certain ... also I thought the song by the Rolling Stones, "If you start me up" was saying "Yugoslavia."

You laugh but you will never stop Yugoslavia ... anyone else out there brave enough to share add a comment ?

back at work today and bored out of my tiny, phones v v quiet although the drive in along the m4 was excellent 30 mins to do 25 miles :) ...

currently playing Knights of the Old Republic which is very good (sort of a rpg / first person shooter / d&d) but getting a little bored with online swg now, got first holocron which was fun (master merchant wtf?), but gameplay and the grind of crafting is not a lot of fun anymore so looking for a suitable replacement for next year ... 3 possibles are as follows ...

Middle Earth Online - official site - Every action players take will have direct consequences in the game world and influence the way the world reacts to them. Every combat, every crafted item, every quest choice and every interaction with the world will move the player on the line between corruption and valor. This in turn will influence everything from how NPCs interact with the player to what equipment the player can wield and which cities welcome him. Rather than riding the restrictive "quest railroad" that most MMORPGs offer, our quests will branch and provide different endings based on the moral choices players make. We are also taking an innovative approach to character advancement -- characters in Middle-earth will be able to learn new skills and advance their abilities even while players are off-line. This also means that players are rewarded for their efforts, but are not expected to devote large portions of their lives to playing the game. Rather than having to spend 20 hours a week to get anywhere, casual players will be able to experience the epic saga of the Ring while playing a smaller number of hours per week and advancing at a reasonable rate. Of course, for the hard-core players, there will be ample content to allow them to play much longer and earn special rewards for their diligence and heroism.

Our combat system will provide players with intense, tactical battles, rather than an excuse to get a cup of coffee. Players will have to manage an array of skills and special talents, create and respond to monster vulnerabilities, coordinate tactics with their fellowships and make sure their abilities and health remain high.

MEO will provide a heretofore unseen view of Middle-earth, following the path of the Fellowship through the Shire, Rivendell, and Moria but continuing on to explore the realms of Lindon, Forochel, Angmar and more. The world will continue to expand over time, presenting the full breadth of cultures and lands of Tolkien's epic vision.

Lineage 2 - official site - Lineage 2 is actually a prequel to the existing Lineage game, but by looking at it, you'd never know it. Using a modified version of the latest Unreal engine, the game is beautifully rendered, and thanks to the technology, there are no load times once you get the game going. In other words, there is no "zoning" or anything else to take you out of this alternate reality. Some areas are amazing enough to just stop and look, taking in the details present throughout. For example, one of the race's starting areas features a giant statue that's actually underneath the grating that works as a floor. If you don't look down, you'll never see it, but once you do, it's very impressive.

In Lineage 2 you can actually ride on dragons. As for the gameplay, Lineage 2 includes many of the things you expect from a fantasy-based MMORPG. You've got five races, each with two classes (warrior or wizard). Each has certain skills that you can choose to follow, even changing them along the way to suit your playing style. While this limits you to basically ten different variations, the devil is in the details, and L2 is full of those. Each piece of armor has a very distinctive look, and while many of the monsters are of the same "breed," there are ways of telling how easy or difficult they may be in battle simply by looking at them

World of Warcraft - official site - The world of World of Warcraft is dominated by two large continents: Azeroth and Kalimdor. The nature of the franchise allows Blizzard to create a variety of locations on these and other continents, with each area offering a distinct look or atmosphere. Snowy mountains, broad wetlands, vast treetop settlements and even underwater ruins are all part of one coherent, almost seamless world.

Fans of the series will recognize a lot of these locales from the previous games. The stories of the Warcraft universe are put to good use here. Blizzard's incorporating the background material from previous games in the series and using all of the material from the novels as well to create a geography and history that is as rich as it is consistent. The game will also take into account the story of the upcoming expansion, The Frozen Throne. Though World of Warcraft picks up the story four years after Warcraft 3, events in the expansion will have their own lasting consequences for the story.

The current situation on the continent of Azeroth is a good example of how locations fit together with each other and the game's story. In the north Iron Forge is nestled deep in the mountains among the snowy peaks of Dun Morogh. This seat of Dwarven power is cut off from the rest of the world, leaving the Dwarves free to drink to the bottom of their cups and delve to the bottom of their mountains. But too much digging has recently released the Rockjaw Troggs from their underground lair creating a bit of a crisis among the Dwarves. Capitalizing on the Trogg attacks, the Frostmane Trolls have now come to take back lands conquered by the Dwarves.

South of Dun Morogh are the Redridge Mountains, where kobold miners dig deep into the mountain and gnoll parties patrol the riverlands. One ambitious clan, the Riverpaw Gnolls, have enslaved the kobolds, making the latter even more irritable when you come across them. While most Dwarves care little for the suffering of a few kobolds, particularly with the new menace of the Troggs and Trolls, the fact that the Riverpaw Gnolls suddenly have their act together is cause for alarm. Whether the newfound competence is the result of dark magic or a Tony Robbin's confidence-building seminar has yet to be determined.

hope you all had a wonderful xmas break and got loads of presents etc etc ... (if not i hope you got the reciepts)

Ok Ok it may be a little late but I have got the ideal presents for you lot out there ... (all 3 of you anyway)

its British made unit for easy, safe effective cleansing, the home colon cleaning unit

Raaaaaaar, the REAL Dr. Doom

an abridged version of finding nemo for your viewing pleasure (all the best bits honest)

some fantastic and downright strange ads (not for U.S. consumption) with my favourites being ...
john smiths sex education & the honda ad
not sure why I liked the gucci G-spot advert (answers on a postcard please) full list is here



each day a different image or photograph of our fascinating universe is featured, along with a brief explanation written by a professional astronomer more here

at last the website all men have been waiting for ... PMS Alert™Mood Level Meter, Fertilometer, Event Reminder Don't get caught off-guard again!

the dialectizer takes text or other web pages and instantly creates parodies of them! Try it out by selecting a dialect, then entering a URL or English text

dear cecil letters are great

Q."Can you in your infinite yet magnanimous wisdom explain something that's been troubling me for years? When pigeons bob their heads as they walk is it because their legs are connected to their necks or what?"

A. Of course not. As any fool can see, a pigeon's legs are connected to its body--and it's a good thing, because the pigeon would look mighty funny if it were assembled according to the offhand anatomy you describe. Basically the pigeon's back-and-forth head motion--not exactly a bob--helps it keep its balance when walking. The pigeon's legs are located pretty far astern, and if it kept its head forward all the time it would probably tip over. This would expose the pigeon to the ridicule of the community. Instead, what it does is move its chest forward in time with one leg, and its head forward in time with the other leg. Thus some weight is always trailing a little abaft the port beam, as we say. Many fowl have similarly peculiar gaits, because they cannot afford orthopedic shoes ... lots more here

The Super Friends somehow stayed alive for 10 years by hiring people who could talk to fish, match a cape to their underwear, and turn into a bucket of water. They fought everyone from supervillains to dolls from space to insane altruists who decided that making giant unstoppable mutant fish and running the Earth into a comet was the best way to solve our "food shortage." (bit NSFW in places) lots more at seanbaby.com

after trawling the b3ta site they have released the best of 2003 and had to give a few of these a mention :o)

FALSE PERSPECTIVE PHOTOS Steve Carter had a burst of inspiration. He realised that he could make people look really tiny by mucking about with perspective. Expect to see this ripped off for an ad campaign in 2004.

BIRMINGHAM - It's not shit campaign Jon Bounds started a "Birmingham: it's not shit" campaign. We made him a promotional video and song. It kinda helped: radio, TV and newspapers talked about the issue. We even heard reports of the song being sung in the Birmingham City football club.

HOW MANY PEOPLE SHARE YOUR NAME? How many people share your name in the UK? Glenn Chalmers' website will tell you, by searching the electoral roll. This proved to be a hit in offices round the country. Although mostly people were looking for people called cunt and twat...

HILLYBILLY ANIMAL BAND Everybody knows Deliverance. You might not have seen the film, but you'll recognise the tune. Dylan Mackey made this fantastic Deep South-themed animation to keep it fresh in your internal jukebox.

THE CURE vs MEERKATS Remember The Cure's "Close To Me"? Best bit was the mad jazz stuff in the middle. But wouldn't it be better with Meerkats instead of fat goths? Nacho thought so and she's right. A finely wrought advancement on the animal band idiom.

PIGEON CAM Who would have thought that attaching a lipstick cam to a remote control car would be such fun? JFK did. And so did Christian O'Connell, who featured it on his TV show

SPONG MONKEYS Joel Veitch has had a busy year. From directing ads for Switch/Maestro to making his own TV show - Rathergood Videos - for C4, he's been a pan-media monkey. Or web boffin, as the Daily Star calls him. His Spong Monkeys were his biggest net hit of the year, leading to an American ad agency asking him to remake it as an advert for sandwiches. "We like the sub - coz it tastes soo gud

SQUIRREL BAND DJOLs "Old Grey Squirrel Test" leapt out of the web and onto the DVD of the BBC reissue of the Old Grey Whistle Test.

STICKMAN FATBOY SLIM Catch the Christopher Walken video to Fatboy Slim's Weapon Of Choice? Stick Figure Ninja remade it with er.. stick figures. It looked amazing.


quick clicks
jenna jameson's dodge viper ... nuf said
Photoshop has become the bane of fat kids around the world
Banksy is a bit of a naughty boy. Have a poke round his annoyingly difficult to navigate website
"He sometimes wears a foil hat on his head, wears white robes and carries a staff, just very strange," full story here
Subway Life - Drawings of people on (you guessed it) subways, very cool site design
way too much information on what SMTP is all about

games
forget mavis beacon does typing I found this much better
cute little snowboarding game
play some Curve Ball, a twist on the classic Ping Pong game
adventure elf... Nab the penguins to save Christmas!
sort of an internet mario rip-off but fun all the same

It's Christmas time so I had to go and search for a good Christmas conspiracy story for all three of you regular readers, if that's not up to scratch try another juicy conspiracy theory that involves those busy body UPS delivery people. Could they be terrorists? My Beagles think so. But it is just another crazy hoax, according to Snopes. Still, I give it an A for effort and creativity

Buckingham Palace is entering into the Christmas spirit by being lit up this year. From 1700 GMT on Christmas Eve, projectors will "wrap" the Palace in a giant Union Jack and wrapping paper. The effect is part of the Brightening Up London project which has seen nine famous buildings in the city illuminated with seasonal images.

Santa better get his ass moving quickly if he's going to make it in time for Christmas. He hasn't moved on his web cam in days.

brand-new computer for free may sound too good to be true, but a British company is offering it to every UK household and even promising to replace it with a new machine after three years, the catch? London-based Metronomy says in return for a free IBM personal computer worth 800 pounds ($1,400 U.S.), customers will have to bear with one minute of on-screen advertising for every 20 minutes of computer use.

Yay a festive traffic light wars (def last one though) from Koit

huzzah (said in best carrots of parribean voice) the perfect gift for those prats who go on and on about this stuff at work :) Achievement | Ambition | Change | Discovery | Dreams | Nepotism | Persistence | Potential | Power | Retirement | Success | Teamwork

quick clicks ...
This holiday season, be sure to Masturbate for Peace! To get you in the mood, try some Christmas carols: The Ten Days of Wanking, Jingle Balls, and Wankin Wonderland.
he shoots, he scores - some excellent photoshop work here
Check out some of the famous hotties dressed in holiday apparel from Kid Rock's Christmas Special on VH1
I have got to move to L.A.
So much flash nipple tweaking action
gotta get one of these - Our Liberator Ramp can change how you touch, see and feel your lover. With your hands free
and with near weightless support, you'll both experiment, orgasm and play like never before. Firm but supportive and sensual, wild but non-threatening (wtf?), the Ramp enhances every kind of intimacy. Grips magically to our other Shapes for standing and/or straddling fun.
Bob arranged a shoot on Jim and Mary Ellen's ranch (redneck alert). They had a friend who is a appliance repairman, and managed to get us a number of refridgerators, washers, dryers, and TV sets. We had access to electric power and water, and we managed to jury-rig a couple of these devices in order to make them 'work', then we shot them.

remembering those we lost in 2003 ...

Charles Bronson
Hollywood great Charles Bronson died of pneumonia, aged 81. The miner-turned-acting hardman, born Charles Bunckinsky in Pennsylvania, was with his wife at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre when he died.
Among his most famous films were the four in the Death Wish series. Other credits are among the film industry's most enduring movies - The Magnificent Seven, The Great Escape and The Dirty Dozen.

Bob Hope
Comedian Bob Hope died peacefully in his sleep in July of pneumonia, aged 100. One of the best known and most beloved US entertainers celebrated his centenary birthday two months earlier, when he joked he was so old they had cancelled his blood group.
He is listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the most honoured entertainer in history. Born in England, he was the ultimate comedian. He won two honourary Oscars but always regretted never receiving the award for his acting.

Maurice Gibb
Bee Gees star Maurice Gibb, 53, suffered a cardiac arrest during an operation to remove an intestinal blockage at the Mount Sinai Medical Centre in Miami.
The bass and keyboard player found fame with his two brothers and their distinctive, close-harmony singing. Their hits include the soundtrack to the film of the disco phenomenon, Saturday Night Fever, in 1977 and a sequel, Stayin' Alive, in 1983. Gibb's first wife was singer Lulu.

Katharine Hepburn
Screen legend Katharine Hepburn died in July, aged 96. She had suffered various health problems in recent years, most of them stemming from Parkinson's disease.
During her glittering career, she won a record four Best Actress Oscars. They were for Morning Glory, 1933, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, 1967, The Lion in Winter, 1968 and On Golden Pond, 1981. Her most popular films include The Philadelphia Story, Bringing Up Baby and African Queen. Hepburn was celebrated for her talent, beauty, style and wit and the American Film Institute counts her among the greatest film icons of all time.

Robert Palmer
The 54-year-old singer was buried at his Swiss home following his death from a heart-attack in September. He died while on a break in Paris with his partner Mary Ambrose.
He became best known for his hit single Simply Irresistible, which was remembered for its video which featured Palmer backed by a group of models.

Gregory Peck
One of Hollywood's all time greats Gregory Peck died in June aged 87.
In a career spanning six decades, he appeared in more than 60 films and was nominated for five Oscars. Two of his most famous films were The Guns Of Navarone and The Omen. He picked up an Oscar in 1962 for his role as lawyer Atticus Finch, in the screen version of To Kill A Mocking Bird

Johnny Cash
The country singing legend died in Nashville, aged 71, of complications from diabetes. A spokesman for Baptist Hospital said family members were at his bedside when he passed away in September.
Known as country music's Man in Black, Cash was credited with being the inspiration for a generation of Nashville stars with hits like I Walk the Line and Ring of Fire. Many said he died of a broken heart after losing wife June Carter Cash, four months earlier.

Barry White
The music world mourned for American soul giant Barry White, who died in July, at the age of 58.
The singer, famous for his gravel-voiced love songs, had suffered kidney failure after years of high blood pressure and deteriorating health. His sexy, husky growl and his seductive lyrics made him instantly recognisable and he became known as The Walrus.

Nina Simone
Jazz and blues singer Nina Simone died of natural causes at her home in Marseille, southern France, aged 70.
Simone, born in 1933 in the US state of North Carolina, was best known for her interpretations of My Baby Just Cares For Me and I Put A Spell On You. The singer, later to become known as the "High Priestess of Soul", was the sixth of seven children in a poor family.

Pharos
The Queen is said to be "absolutely devastated" by the killing of one of her corgis by Princess Anne's bull terrier. The corgi, called Pharos, was reportedly savaged by Dotty - the same dog which attacked two children in Windsor Great Park last year. Following that incident, Princess Anne became the first member of the Royal Family to be given a criminal record when she was fined £ 500 for letting the dog run out of control. The Royal Family have been gathering at Sandringham for their own Christmas celebrations. According to reports, Anne arrived with Dotty, short for Dorothy, on Monday and as the door was opened by a servant the Queen's corgi raced down to greet her. The bull terrier then attacked Pharos, injuring the corgi's legs. He was treated by Royal vets and kept in intensive care overnight but had to be put down on Tuesday.

some new cover girls ...

Kirsty Gallagher

Tara Reid

Anna Kournikova

Kristianna Loken

Liv Tyler

Now that's electricity! 1/2 million volts for your viewing pleasure! (QuickTime vid) - amazing video (~1.5 Mb) of a ½ million volt switch failing to interrupt the arc when operating. The switch operation you see in this video is a failed attempt to interrupt that inductive current. The failure appears to be that the far right interrupter does not open or the grading device has failed. The voltage across the remaining open
interrupter exceeds the rating and it flashes over (you can see the first arc develop across one interrupter). Therefore, the switch blades are left to interrupt the current (not designed to do that) as they open. As the interrupter closes you can see the arc across it go out. However, the arc across the switch gets as tall as a 3 story building before the arc resistance is sufficient for the ionized gas to quit conducting. Or, perhaps the connected line has tripped out of service allowing the arc to extinguish. This is the only failure I have ever seen where the arc lasted so long and grew so large without first going phase-to-phase or phase-to-ground taking the circuit out of service. It just keeps growing straight up where it contacts nothing.

Every year, usually around winter time, it snows a bit. The north of the country tends to get the most of it. But every now and again it snows below Birmingham and all hell breaks loose.



Today's Standard contains the headline: First snow hits South-East (written by Tariq Tahir and Richard Edwards - yes the Standard needs two reporters to cover the weather, one of them being the Manic's missing guitarist!).

"Commuters today faced problems as the first snow of the winter fell in the South-East." The report warns. "Temperatures in central London last night almost reached freezing." Oh my God. Almost freezing. Raise the snow terror alert to orange.

But wait. What's this? " "It will turn milder by tonight and by Tuesday it will be really different," a Met Office spokesman is reported as saying with typical exactitude. "So I'm afraid a white Christmas is not going to happen this year."

Thank God. Remember what happened last year?

In the meantime, if it's snow you're after, we recommend the digital snow museum.

Lord of the Rings star Viggo Mortensen has been forced to 'flee' the Science Museum after being mobbed by female fans.



According to this report, the permanently stubbled actor was visiting the Museum's LotR exhibition (why? has he not had enough of it after three bloody years?) when, according to a bystander, "...people started to recognise him. It was if suddenly every woman from miles around was there - the man seems to have an incredible effect."

Wow. Lord of the Rings fans at Lord of the Rings exhibition shocker!

The only thing that can redeem this story is if it was just like that scene in A Hard Days Night when the Beatles get chased by a bevy of screaming girls.

We imagine Aragorn unsuccessfully trying to hide himself in phone boxes, and maybe surreptitiously slipping into a cupboard in the nearby Natural History Museum.

from thebigsmoker

Jesus Christ, son of God and savior of humanity, confided Monday that He is not looking forward to His 2003rd birthday, saying that He is "really dreading turning the big two-oh-oh-three." "Well, here's another one," said Christ, who will be 2003 Dec. 25. "I can't believe I'm actually turning 2,003 soon. I am seriously getting up there." Though His associates have been keeping Him in good company as the milestone draws near, Christ said He is finding it increasingly difficult to keep His spirits up.

do you know your abc song, I know it off by heart now
Image of Von Bondies band member Jason Stollsteimer after Jack White, of The White Stripes, busted his ass in an "attack". full story here
Some of the hideous things people do to their houses in the name of Christmas.
Stressed out? The Holidays getting to you? Work going wrong? Exams? Kids driving you nuts? You might just find the solution here.
pin-up dolls ? not sure what i think of this
Idiot Breaks Into Glue Factory To Get High - And Winds Up Stuck To Floor!

no particular reason for this picture I just like it :)

After spending some time last month trying to develop alternate graphic presentations for kinematic ratios in winged flight, I decided to try to answer one of the timeless questions of science: just what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Although 47 of the 74 worldwide swallow species are found in Africa,1 only two species are named after the continent: the West African Swallow (Hirundo domicella) and the South African Swallow (Hirundo spilodera), also known as the South African Cave Swallow.



Since the range of the South African Swallow extends only as far north as Zaire, I felt fairly confident that this was the non-migratory African species referred to in previous discussions of the comparative and cooperative weight-bearing capabilities of African and European swallows.

Kinematic data for both African species was difficult to find, but the Barn or European Swallow (Hirundo rustica) has been studied intensively, and kinematic data for that species was readily available.

It’s a simple question of weight ratios, a 54-year survey of 26,285 European Swallows captured and released by the Avian Demography Unit of the University of Capetown finds that the average adult European swallow has a wing length of 12.2 cm and a body mass of 20.3 grams.

Because wing beat frequency and wing amplitude both scale with body mass, and flight kinematic data is available for at least 22 other bird species, it should be possible to estimate the frequency (f ) and amplitude (A) of the European Swallow by a comparison with similar species. With those two numbers, it will be possible to estimate airspeed (U).

and you thought this was me talking :) no way great work from style.org written by Jonathan Corum

Unless you have been living on mars you cannot have failed to hear about this rio ferdinand drug test situation ...

To be honest I feel this ban is very lenient. The main reason is that missing a test is an offence and there is no doubt Rio did this. It is an offence because some drugs can be flushed from the system within 48 hours. This does not mean Rio was on these drugs it means he broke the anti doping rules.

I am at a loss to see what possible justification the FA have for treating Football as a special case. Any drug offence should be an automatic 2 year ban with a suspension from the point of the charge. I must admit I find the approach taken by Manchester United and the PFA to be a disgrace - they should be actively promoting the elimination of drug abuse not attempting to give players a way out. Their approach does nothing but encourage players to avoid the drug test and switch to designer drugs that are flushed from the body in 48 hours - an utter disgrace in my view.

Everyone involved should be punished.

Rio broke the rules without being able to supply a satisfactory reason. He deserves to be punished. 8 months may seem reasonable but not when compared to the punishment handed out to other offenders, like Jaap Stam and Edgar Davids.

The FA have handled the whole thing very badly. The case should have been handled more fairly, based on previous precedents and the current rules. If these proved inadequate, then the rules should have been strengthened after the case.

Sepp Blatter is a complete moron. He had no right to suggest that the FA rules should be thrown out of the window for this case nor should he have been so quick to insist on a severe sentance before the case was heard. When he was accused of corruption I don't think he would have liked punishment being handed out before he had had a chance to defend himself.

Manchester United and Sir Alex have also handled the case badly. Instead of ensuring that Rio remained to take his test he was allowed to leave. Then instead of apologising they have taken an unnecessary confrontational stance which cannot have helped Rio's case.

Finally, lets consider why a long ban for a drugs related case is necessary. It is because performance enhancing drugs do give players an unfair advantage. They enable players to run that bit faster or keep going that bit longer without feeling the effects of tiredness. This is clearly cheating and needs to be dealt with as such, very severely! However, diving and pretending to be injured to get opponents booked or sent off is also cheating. It also gives your side an unfair advantage so why don't we slap an 8 month ban on the 'simulators'? (sic. robert pires)

this must be the headline of the year - Uranus is gassy, astronomers say (known that for years) French astronomers said on Monday they had detected for the first time the presence of carbon monoxide (CO) in the atmosphere of Uranus, the seventh most distant planet from the Sun - more from iol here

For those light-at-heart and animal lovers out there, Solid Alliance (Japan) has released a new i-Duck USB Memory Storage device. The i-Duck uses a USB 1.1 interface and has a maximum storage capacity of 16MB. When plugged into your computer’s USB port, the i-Duck will light up. Three different colors are available: pink, yellow and blue. A three color set is also available.

Interesting artwork on the inside of this, "Chinese 19th Century Glazed Makeup Box." from e-bay NSFW !!

Strongbad takes everybody to the limit. Hand-clappin', foot-stoppin' good-time fun. Who are the fhqwhgads anyway?

Fishermen caught playing dress-up with barbie doll, crustacean style

Movies and TV shows with bagpipes in them. Deserves a mention because of the great menu on the left-hand side if you are a piper, this list was created for you: it is presented for the delectation of pipers everywhere. It is fun to see how one’s favorite instrument and music is portrayed through the popular medium of film; it is also chastening to see how often the characterization is derisive and the representation is botched, or both :)

next year should be good for films with spiderman 2 etc but this looks good as well

quick clicks
clever bit of flash work here
that's some serious acu-puncture
lord of the right wing :)
real classy site here - tammyworld

games
galaxian style shoot-em-up

I spent friday evening watching The Return of the King at the warner cinema in reading. I'm not sure exactly of the spoiler ettiquette here, so I'll just give overall thoughts...

The opening to the third movie is pretty different from that of the last two, but no less perfect for the story. It involves the origin of Gollum/Smeagol. Ian McKellen is great again, and even though he gives his best performance in FOTR. Merry and Pippen finally get to shine in this installment albeit in seperate ways. The battle for Minas Tirith is the centerpiece of the film -- it literally takes up at least an hour of the films 3 hour running time - the highlight being Legolas single-handedly taking down one of those huge Oliphants.



Seriously, this battle is so kick ass I wonder if Helm's Deep will now seem boring in comparison. It's probably not necessary to tell fans to watch the extended DVD of The Two Towers before seeing ROTK but the deleted Boromir-Faramir-Denethor sequence from that film really serves to enlighten one of ROTK's main plotlines. Shelob is great, wonderfully rendered, absolutely terrifying for those of us with arachnophobia. Loved the Eowyn story (how great are the females in these movies -- Arwen and Galadriel too). I guess my favorite part of the whole movie was finally getting to see Frodo and Sam make it to Mount Doom (I guess we did see a flashback in FOTR with Isildur and Elrond, but...) and the ensuing struggle to fulfil the quest.

My only real complaints about the film -- the lack of closure to the Saruman story. After all, he's the main bad guy for the first two films, and he only shows for a few short seconds. It's a hole that I hope will be filled by the extended cut, but I can't help but think that the deletion was a mistake. In fact if Jackson wanted to take an extra ten minutes to scoure The Shire, that'd've been alright with me. I guess we'll see next November.

But I can't complain, from Tolkien's incredibly detailed, laborious novels, Jackson's created faithful and fascinating cinema, and in my mind, the first truly seamless film trilogy in terms of quality. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life visiting Middle-Earth again and again. Most importantly, this is the end of a nine hour cinematic journey, and that ending is completely satisfying, and also heartbreaking. It's silly, but I feel exactly how I felt when I finished the books -- I actually miss Frodo and Sam and the rest of the characters that are now so close to my heart.

a christmas message from all at knobby.co.uk here and if thats not enough try the alternative nativity play or think you know how bad Xmas songs are? Thank God you don't live in Phil Price's head where they loop for all eternity while small pigs jig like broken clockwork toys

in celebration of reaching that milestone that is 52 episodes this week Weebl appears on a chat show and we get to watch a load of episode outtakes

What do kids want for Xmas? Apparently not the latest CDs. They've already got the MP3. This site advises the kids to take back their unwanted CDs and buy a spindle of blank disks.

This site asks you to fill in a form if you've committed a crime and wait for the police to come and arrest you. Fair enough we thought. Someone has made a funny form. But no. This is actually on a real police website

I've found this site with loads of ladies having airbrush fun and I'm fascinated, my favourite is



"Weeeee!", screams Joel, "I've made an offensive-to-christians rock'n'roll Christmas card thingy!" On pointing out to Joel that Jesus was actually crucified at Easter he said, "I quite like the way it's seasonally inappropriate. What's Christmas all about after all, if not rock music and crucified Godchild kittens?" - have a look

Most women said that if their man were neatly groomed they’d spend more time with Mr. Happy. The Balltrimmer removes hair in just seconds... official site here

some people have way too much time on their hands, have a look at some of these PC mods

oh dear oh dear and it looks like this is serious as well - remember, caravanners are people too

Learn why Japanese people slurp noodles, why cucumbers are described as green and which tube line is the best for suicides. Fascinating stuff. This site would make a great book.

want to get married ? want to get married in las vegas ? want to get married on the bridge of the star ship enterprise ? well you can

Collection of the lame jokes your Dad makes. E.g. On your mum putting the roast on the table, "All for me? What are you going to eat?" On writing you a cheque for £350, "Three pound fifty? That's cheap." - What are the frankly rubbish gags your dad cracks again and again? WARNING: If you become a dad you'll be doing this stuff too ... courtesy of b3ta.com

Windows. Like it or lump it most of us are stuck with it on a daily basis. But you probably haven't ever seen the first version from back in 1985 here

Whenever folks who have lived or traveled in Germany gather for a beer, sooner or later one subject is sure to rear its ugly head: what is the deal with those toilets?

German toilets are quite extraordinary. Other European toilets - well, the ones that aren't merely holes in the floor - work the same way. They are shaped a little differently, but the basic principle is the same: the excrement either lands directly in the water or it slides down a steep slope into the water, before being flushed away. Simple, effective and clean. Not so the German toilet. The excrement lands on a bone-dry horizontal shelf, mere inches beneath one's posterior. Repeated flushings are required to slide the ordure off the shelf into a small water-filled hole, from which it hopefully disappears. this site questions this

games:
shuffle penguin - get as many penguins in the hole in a row as possible for a high score post your best in the comments
it's blobby, it's wooey and it's a whole damn multiplayer bang-bus of of fun

also from b3ta what happens when you gets 'gansterised'

The Christmas Memo...

DECEMBER 1ST

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

--

DECEMBER 2ND

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director

--

DECEMBER 3RD

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Regarding the anonymous note I received from member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange -- no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director

--

DECEMBER 7TH

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?

Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director

--

DECEMBER 9TH

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."

Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces

--

DECEMBER 10TH

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?

The Bitch from Hell

--

DECEMBER 14TH

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

we guarantee that you will be able to take part in this tremendous new experience! We guarantee that by simply scratching your monitor screen and sniffing, you will be able to smell the genuine and authentic smell associated with each and every item in our Scratch'n'Sniff© gallery! That's right! We guarantee it!

the website which proves that Americans can't take a bit of mockery. In just one week they seem to have managed to upset most of the population of America (well, maybe only the stupid ones), the comments section continues to grow & makes interesting reading

It requires less undressing of pants and skirt than the ordinary method of seating on the toilet seat. It is good to be used in public toilets from hygienic point of view and no danger of spreading diseases. It is good to use while skiing , hiking , boating and camping. What is it, why its the magic cone you have got to see the animations as well

quick clicks:
get some serious totty for your desktop theme from the fhm site - favourites have got to be Kristanna Loken | Halle Berry | Jillian Barberie

wtf? is going on here, quite good though
a different perspective perhaps here
some wild ascii perhaps is more to your liking (def. NSFW)
how on earth ? windows xp in a box

games:
Is it an innovation or an imitation? You decide
classic arcade digger game

played off the park, out thought tactically & not enough commitment shown - geremi, gallas and johnson non-existent on the field, feel sorry for cole, JFH & the rest who ran their hearts out ... claudio (tinkerman) Ranieri you have to learn from this !!!

In search of no hands - Indole Ring, one of the more talented artists at B3ta.com, has painstakingly compiled a montage of photos depicting the life of our beloved Nohands. Here we see Nohands grow from the adorable kitten who has inspired hundreds of lovingly crafted images, to a handsome and apparently contented man of dignity. Much thanks to Indole Ring for his research to discover the fate of our hero. You can find some of Indole Ring's best work here, and read his blog here.

Advertising watchdogs have banned a poster campaign for a popular energy drink after upholding complaints that it made "offensive" references to anal sex ... more here

spiderman 2 trailer is out, you can view it here

fantastic photoshopping of saddam from apechild.com






Lagos - A traditional doctor in central Nigeria has been shot dead by a patient who was testing the potency of an anti-bullet charm the herbalist had prepared for him, police said on Wednesday ... more here

I can faintly recollect the day when my grandfather sat me down and said, "The life of the man with a grappling hook for a hand is the life to lead! There is nothing else that can compare. Nothing!" He then pulled out an axe and repared to remove one of my hands. This, to me, was heresy, for I had been raised since birth to believe that the life of a man with a jetpack stood far and above any other form of living. "No," I told him in a terrified voice, "you're wrong." more from somethingawful.com

tee-hee, we salute you mr. bowling shoe giver outer

don't know what to buy your friends for Christmas? A penis squirt gun should do the trick!

errr... Ummm.. yeah. The straight man's guide to gay sex. Go get 'em

that bloody linda barker gets everywhere



games:
lob santa - one click to run then click to arm and release to launch and enjoy the tyrolian music
get the marble in the hole (repost)

now this looks like fun - the final version of Car Sledding! watch as we hold onto a ski rope being pulled behind a bronco at 40mph+ into snowbanks. see hilarious falls, flips, dives, and the famous 25ft jump, this is a 5:29 minute movie

If you have any idea what's going on in the world— you don't like Nike. If you don't like Nike, you might want to get a pair of these.

more ideas for christmas from your truly :) - The BoneClone™ is a personal pleasure kit that reproduces a man’s penis (up to nine inches) in 100% silicone rubber, one of the safest and most non-reactive of materials used in adult toys. Included in each kit are easy to follow instructions, skin tone matching colors, and with additional options available, the BoneClone™ offers a unique sex toy for different tastes and desires. Whether your first toy, or an addition to a collection, we offer the experience of a new perception in sexual toys, the duplication of self, and in the privacy of your own home. So, enjoy the familiar feeling and join those who have benefited by keeping that someone special near, even when he isn’t home ... more here or this is just pure class, the donkey cigarette dispenser

I am sure a lot of you have recieved these - tech calls from hell (pretty amusing)

GI Jesus, nunderwear, anti-masturbatory gum, Christian wrestling and thongs? What the...?!?!

Masturbate for Peace Christmas carols, to celebrate the 10 Days of Wanking; Dec 22 - 31

not 100% sure what is happening here but has potential, go visit tongsville

Oh, they may try to act normal, but this proves once and for all that JAPANESE PEOPLE ARE INSANE. (Not safe for 56K)

links:
what kind of special treat is she promising this dog?
duff diving championships (qt required)
anything that tosses rodents is a wonderful invention
very nice piece of coding here - the black mirror
how cool is this ? timelapse video of Toronto, Canada. (Requires Quicktime)
Your birthday star is in the constellation Bootes. It is called 44 Bootis in the Historia Cœlestis Britannica of John Flamsteed and Edmund Halley. It is called NS 1503+4739 A in the NStars database - find yours if you care here
wanna snow globe online ??

games:
vertical mini golf, this is so cool, check out the snowball fight too
spin the bottle

couldn't leave u without a mention of the top selling calendars for next year ...
2004 Official LoveKylie Calendar
jan | feb | mar | apr | may | jun | jul | aug | sep | oct | nov | dec

2004 Official PopKylie Calendar
jan | feb | mar | apr | may | jun | jul | aug | sep | oct | nov | dec

by the way we lost yesterday :(

some quick links for your amusement



the barbie intolerance collection

Scream of the Shelka - Richard E Grant, Sophie Okonedo and Sir Derek Jacobi star in an exciting animated adventure by Paul Cornell - Dr. Who returns at last

This short Star Wars-inspired movie stands as a testament to what two chumps can pull off with no budget, a borrowed miniDV camera, and a pair of midrange Macs. Despite a sudden sand storm which destroyed the camera and forced us to abandon some important shots, the result is a fun minute thirty-six lightsaber duel.
For those of you interested in making your own movies based on the Star Wars universe, check out how we made Duel. and don’t miss our followup film, Duality( from crewoftwo.com )


Let's be honest, all razor manufacturers have done for the last 2000 years is add blades, and I can't see them bucking the tread anytime soon. At the current rate we should be seeing "80000 blades for ultimate closeness" by about 2040. That ought to make the checks at the airport less pointless, I suppose.(from wasted)



games:
Use a fan to guide your game ball through a maze. Hard as crap!
Beer and boobies in a game, what could be better? (not safe for work)
Are you grammatically correct? Take this quiz and find out ( I got 7/10)
Cheese Indigestion Puzzle is a pathfinding puzzle
Some games just piss me off... this is one of them
tough one this, just get the worm

wtf news:
Docs find gene that blocks Alzheimer's, even remember where they put it
teacher at a girl's high school in Taiwan is in trouble for asking students to draw their own vaginas
Indian restaurant offering sprout pakoras, mince pie naan breads and tikka turkeys to boost Christmas business
England has won the World Elephant Polo Championships in the dying moments of the cup final
Philadelphia man hit in face with snowball whips out gun at kids who threw it
Courtney Love takes a time out from rehab, goes club hopping (w/truly excellent pic)
When you run a video copying factory, you might want to make sure you don't mix up your customers' orders, like this company did when they inadvertently shipped 300 copies of hardcore porn to a church instead of the life of Christ video they ordered.
largest prime number ever is found - "after a short victory dance, I called up my wife and friends involved with GIMPS to share the great news."

I'm sure every football fan, at least in Britain, has owned a set of Subbuteo at one time. For those in the dark, Subbuteo is a fun and easy to play miniature football game, played by flicking small figures on hemispherical bases at an oversized ball. I received my first set for Christmas when I was about nine years old. It was a basic set and contained such items as; 2 teams (including England), pitch, fencing and of course that over-size ball! Various teams and accessories were bought and many games were played and players glued before I reached my teens and sadly outgrew my "toys".

remember the pain of kneeling on your favourite player ?


believe it or not a group called half man half biscuit even wrote a song with the word subbeuteo in it (even included scalextrix as well)

History of the game:(written by Stephen Dettre) Subbuteo is the brand name of a form of table soccer that was developed in 1947 by an Englishman by the name of Peter Adolph. His game was a refinement and development of a previous table soccer game that had been first introduced in 1920. That game was called 'NewFooty'. The common principle of both games was that small figurines with semi-spherical bases that were slightly flattened on the bottom were flicked at a ball to propel it forward and eventually into the opponent's goal. The defender had a goalkeeper, which was a figure which had a rod attached to the back of the base, extending through the back of the goal, which allowed manipulation to save shots.

The NewFooty figures were made of lacquered cardboard which were inserted into lead bases. This lead made them very hard to flick and they had to be spread around the pitch because they could not be flicked very far. As well, the figurines were all different, and they had to be used only in their correct position, ie. the left winger could only be positioned on the left wing and not used as a centre half.

In 1947 Peter Adolph created his new Subbuteo game, using some of the new materials that started to be available after the war - plastic! - His figures were hard cardboard inserted into a plastic base which was similar to the Keeling model, but more rounded.These figures -- known as 'flats' -- were the basis of the game right through until the 60s. Their aerodynamic shape allowed them to be'curled' around opposing figures to touch the ball. A variety of 00-scale and two dimensional figures are now available.

this was how we wanted to play but couldn't afford it and a little impractical for access (and no I am not the gimp with glasses :)


The basic principle of Subbuteo was dramatically different from all other table soccer games at that time, and even to this day. If the player (player being the 'human') kept hitting the ball with his figures, and the ball did not roll out, or touch an opposing figure, then he retained possession. Each figure could only be flicked three times in succession. The another figure had to be used. However, you could flick one figure, flick another, then flick the original. All being done, of course, as long as the figure touched the ball. The attacker also dictated the pace of the game.

The defender did not have to sit by and idly watch. For every attacking flick that hit the ball, the defender could have a defensive flick. With this flick you could not hit any other figure, nor the ball, but could plug gaps in your defence, or try and force the attacker's path away from the goal.The method of flicking was achieved without using the thumb or any other finger as a 'spring'. Instead, spring or 'purchase' was effected off the pitch. Deftness of touch allowed passing and more firm flicks allowed shooting.Each team was composed of 10 field figures and a goalkeeper. The pitch was originally made from a woollen ex-army blanket, which were available in abundance after the war.

that's the way to do it


Another distinction of Subbuteo was that a player could only shoot at goal once the ball was in the end 'shooting zone'. The pitch was divided into quarters, and the end section was the shooting zone (this FAQ has been entirely extracted by anonymous ftp from conrad.harvard.edu)

there is no way I could have made all this up so full credit to the following sites is due subbeuteo table-soccer | peter upton | littleplasticmen.co.uk | subbeuteoworld.co.uk

Julius Caesar could have famously said of Britain: "Veni, vidi, aesculus hippocastanumci"

Which translates as: "I came, I saw, I conkered"

Except of course he didn't because the horse chestnut tree was only introduced into Britain in the 1600s and the first recorded instance of a game of conkers being played wasn't until 1848. This begs the question what small boys (this is an almost exclusively male activity) did up to that time when the nights drew in, the air got cold, and they wanted some way of conveniently breaking their best friend's knuckles without starting a fight. For over a hundred years now, however, there have been conkers.

What is/are Conkers?

Conkers, the small brown objects, are the seeds of the horse chestnut. Conkers, the pastime, is a game of skill and sublimated violence for two players. Each player is equipped with a conker, through which a hole has been drilled to allow a piece of string to be threaded. The string is knotted to prevent the conker coming off, and the game may commence.

Whoever goes first may be decided by coin toss or priority. For example, the owner of a 'sixer' (ie, the victor in six previous games) will have priority over the owner of a mere 'two-er'.

The receiver holds up the hand, dangling the conker on the end of its string. The other player then attempts to hit the dangling conker as hard as he can with his own conker by swinging it overarm. If he hits, he gets another go. If he misses, play switches and the receiver gets a crack at his opponent. This continues until one or other of the conkers is so damaged that it falls off the string. The winner can then add the loser's conker value to the victory count of their conker, turning the above mentioned sixer into an eighter.

There are many arcane rules of conkers to do with glancing blows, hits on the string, specific techniques and so on, but they are very variable, and so are beyond the scope of this entry.

Going Conkering

Conkers are typically harvested in early autumn. The usual method is to find a good conker tree in a park or by a road and then stand under it throwing sticks up into the branches hoping this will dislodge the ripe fruit. Since the fruit is contained within green pods covered in sharp spines, there is a frisson of danger to this activity which most likely explains some of its appeal. It's often better to find conkers on the ground, as the ones on the tree probably won't be ready. It is worth noting that early in the autumn of 2001, Norwich City Council decided that this activity was too dangerous, and took steps to prevent children collecting conkers from several trees in the city by cutting them all down - this actually made the BBC Radio 4 main morning news show Today.

Legal Issues ...

Schools are banning time-honoured playtime pastimes such as conkers because headteachers are afraid of being sued by parents in the event of an accident. A survey by Keele University researcher Sarah Thomson shows some schools have banned conkers because they fear the horse chestnuts could be used as "offensive weapons"... more here

How to Win...

There are those who mutter darkly about methods of treatment for conkers which are guaranteed to turn even the weediest, most brittle loser into an all-challengers champion twelver. Such methods usually involve things as a week soaking in vinegar, several hours of slow steady baking in a low oven, leaving them in the drying cupboard for a year or two in a cloth bag, or other more obscure chemical treatments such as the application of nail varnish. This Researcher can offer no authoritative advice on this subject other than to encourage players to experiment.

sources:
bbc.co.uk | woodlands-junior.kent.sch.uk

sorry for the lack of posts but very busy and was away for the weekend - I promise it won't happen again (well the busy part anyway :P )

random thought - you may not believe this, but: at certain times of the month a selection of fine cheeses can kill with a thought

still stuck on what to get the missus / girlfriend for xmas try here

or ebay classic : the 69 position, threesome frogs or froggy style (pictures below in case page gets deleted)



looking forward to summer 2004? I am after seeing these two trailer teasers for the thunderbirds movie - trailer 1 | trailer 2

there is an art to shoplifting - this is the original article on shoplifting featured in Rabelais that is at the centre of this issue, this article is not reprinted to encourage any person to commit any illegal act, but for purposes of informing discussion of the issues at hand read more here

Message From the Neistat Brothers - September of 2003 the battery in my first generation ipod would hold a charge for no longer than one hour. I brought the iPod into the Apple store in Manhattan for repair and was told they do not currently offer a battery replacement program and my best option was to buy a new ipod. I then called the Apple Care 800 number regarding this issue and was told the same. I then sent my ipod to the Apple Executive office addressed to Steve Jobs with a note explaining my situation and requesting a replacement battery. The Apple Executive office contacted me via telephone to explain that Apple does not repair or replace dead ipod batteries and that it was policy of the company to recommend to the customer to purchase a new ipod when the battery fails. I then looked into and purchased a third party replacement battery, this battery was not endorsed by Apple. After the complicated installation my ipod did not work at all, even when it was plugged in. I then purchased a new ipod for $400.00.

In response to this my brother Van and I made the short film "iPod's Dirty Secret" After we finished production of the film, but not necessarily in response to it, Apple began offerring a battery replacement program for the ipod for a fee of $99 and an extended warranty for the ipod for $59.

We think Apple's new policy is fair. Our movie is a documentation of our experience - Casey Neistat

Sam Beddoes disbelieved his girlfriends when they told him how painful feminine beauty treatments are. "I decided to wax my leg, to see if women are wimps," he writes. "They are." Next week, Sam will be showing how piss-easy childbirth is. What do we need girls for, anyway? full story here

clever app that checks your PC's vunerability to hackers more here

the 12 STI's of Christmas - different slant on it I suppose

25 Dangers of Legalizing Gay Marriage - my favorite's being "Priests, ministers and rabbis would be forced to say, "I now pronounce you top and bottom." and "many men would marry just for the chance to put on a white dress" full list of 25 here

tragic tale of the Andrea Doria, and how divers still visit her to this day. Considered the "Mt. Everest" of scuba diving (very deep) also for a 360 degress panoramic view from the top of everest have a look here

some very cool motorcycle pictures from 1950's v v good

hankism's - considering making this a regular feature as there seems to be so many - for those of you who don't know him Hank is a 30+ year old south african who occasionally comes out with real pearlers (and some really crap fake accents as well) ...

yesterday for instance - discussing cold calls we all get in the evening from barclaycard, double glazing etc. hank comments "I get these all the time and they are very frustrating" when questionned on this it turns out he has had 3 calls over a 6 month period - lets break this down shall we ...

6 month period = approx 182 days (taken as 4 months of 30 days and 2 months of 31 days)
182 days = 4368 hours = 262,080 mins
Over this time Hank has rec'd 3 calls from telesales each one lasting at most 1 min therefore 3 mins worth of calls over 262,080 mins
= 0.00106 % but he gets them all the time !!!!

Taking a comparison with other daily events
average dump = 3 mins therefore we spend 0.19% of 6 months on the crapper, hank you must find a better way of utilising that 0.19% of your time :)

Eh Baby you know what i can do? I can count all the way to schfiftyfive!(very silly, very funny)

anyone seen the new special editions ferraris? most of these pictures came from this site



remember the woman who was trampled in Walmart last month for a DVD player? turns out that she is a former employee of Walmart and has made 9 other injury claims against the retail company, police have dropped the investigation

perhaps there is some justice in this world after all

games:
some clowns, balloons and they made a jumping game
Its that time of year again! after a night out on the booze can you get the key in the door?
Its that time of year again! Throw Snowballs (this is soooooo cool)

see what other people thought about the girls they've slept with, find out how easy she is, if she's into some of the kinkier things in life, and get advance warning if she has any diseases (can't be too safe nowadays) howwasshe.com

man cited for noise pollution after son's balloon pops near anal-retentive policeman - what a muppet

road construction halted after skeleton sitting in chariot is unearthed (w/pic)

Mr Westgate said a psychiatrist well-suited for treating the defendant's condition had recently arrived in Dunedin and was prepared to work with him - the condition ?? sheep shagging :)

Indian investigative journalist has won little-coveted Bad Sex in Fiction Award for a turbo-charged account of a lovers' tryst that likens their amours to a speeding Bugatti. Aniruddha Bahal, who posed as an arms dealer to expose an Indian military bribery scandal in 2001, flew to London to receive the prize from rock singer Sting before a 500-strong audience today.
Now in its 11th year, the dubious honour is awarded by the Literary Review magazine for the most inept description of sexual intercourse in a novel. Bahal beat rival nominees including John Updike, Paul Theroux and Paulo Coelho, thanks to a passage from his novel Bunker 13.
Bahal's hero says he feels like an "ancient Aryan warlord" after discovering a Swastika shaved into an intimate part of his female companion's anatomy. As the temperature between the two rises, Bahal shifts gear in a blur of motoring metaphors.
"She picks up a Bugatti's momentum. You want her more at a Volkswagen's steady trot. Squeeze the maximum mileage out of your gallon of gas. But she's eating up the road with all cylinders blazing."

check out the sponsorship that the boston gay mens choir got here

yes, we’re taking the “us” out of our “bonus” and giving you the bone. How? read on here

man dies from pet emissions ? it appeared the victim had not cared for his parrots and ferrets well and ambulance workers were struck by a "penetrating odour" when they entered the house

introducing the Durex xxxxxxxxxxxxxl size, wow!

games
awesome 3-d space shooting game

or should that read "cheating argentinian drug piggy" - He already has his own "church" of disciples and a travelling museum dedicated to his exploits -- now Argentine soccer legend Diego Maradona is to be honoured with a musical that is aiming for Broadway.

Want to see what an $11 million bikini looks like? Better yet, want to see what Heidi Klum looks like wearing a $11 million bikini?

the Gashlycrumb Tinies lol

if anyone can explain what is going on here i would appreciate it - japanese fun

whay hey - video footage of victoria's secret fashion show for those who missed it click here

This page contains what I believe to be one of the highest resolution, most detailed stitched digital images ever created. It is the view from Bryce Point in Bryce Canyon National Park in Utah. It consists of 196 separate photographs taken with a 6 megapixel digital camera, and then stitched together into one seamless composite. The final image is 40,784 x 26,800 pixels in size, and contains about 1.09 billion pixels...a little more than one gigapixel.

flash
The MMORPG experience has never been more accurately depicted than in this flash.
die in style. Coolest stick-man animation ever.
an old favourite you'll always leave this site with a smile
take your american driving test here - if you fail you explode :)
This is a sweet rollercoaster game. It's in Finnish, but S is the brake and K is the throttle, I'm pretty sure you manage with that. try it

According to the Red Book of Westmarch, In Middle-earth, knobby was a Fearless Orcling get your middle earth name here

so you catch a man driving with his pants around his ankles who's paying more attention to the child porn video running on his laptop than the road ahead. What do you charge him with? (shoot him I say)

no fun some people - The RIAA is firing off a new wave of lawsuits and lawsuit-notification letters to users whom the RIAA alleges have illegally distributed significant amounts of copyright-protected music files online. The group is filing 41 new lawsuits and sending 90 lawsuit-notification letters this week, adding to the 341 lawsuits filed and 308 notification letters sent since September - as if you needed a reason to go here again

looks like we are aiming for a blue screen in every car

wow that's some big ass fish - 321 pounds !! thats 146kg or 23 stone !!!

and i quote :) ... "there may come a time when Sir Alex makes a generous post-match comment to his opponents after they've beaten his lot. In fact, after Ronaldo demolished them at Old Trafford, I think maybe even he had to accept the obviousness of the man's class.

But Chelsea were miles better than Man U on Sunday and it was a penalty. You deserved to get beat, so shut it and accept it. Never mind ignoring the replays and being snidey about the ref. You weren't very good. Full stop.

And meanwhile, Claudio the happy clown (ed note:??) keeps smiling and everyone in the country is privately thinking, ah so what if Chelsea win the league? - at least that nice Italian fella'll be able to stick two fingers up at Sven as he passes him on the way out of the Bridge" (all from BBC site)

all you could ever want to know about this tiny creature and more :)

The brand is long forgotten; the name itself has not been uttered by a fashion critic for decades. The days when doors opened at the mention of these two simple syllables are gone, long gone. Perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised; this company never had the glamour or prestige of a Saint-Laurent, a Givenchy. It never sought the adulation of the fickle scribes, the playboy set. It simply wanted to make interesting clothes for everyday people. In a broad, generous definition of “interesting,” one can certainly say they succeeded.

wtf ? - do you ever try to figure out what your dog means by a low growl or high-pitched bark? well, you won't have to wonder any more! the BowLingual Translator is a revolutionary new device that will help you decode the messages your dog had been trying to send you all these years ... if u need more read on

What in the hell are they teaching these kids about art in Budapest? Yahoo News

In a stunning move designed to rescue America's faltering position in Iraq, we have learned that the United States will transfer control of Iraq to "Saruman, Wizard of Isengard". A senior American diplomat stated that the United States has reached an "agreement in principle" with the wizard to transfer control of the entire political and military apparatus in Iraq "within two to three weeks." "We believe that Saruman brings a unique skill set to the table," the diplomat explained, citing the wizard's "awesome magical powers, ability to exploit natural resources, and general flexibility of morals." :) more here

the love lump - mission statement reads "In these difficult and complex times, we often forget that it is the health of the physical body that directly influences our mental "self". If we neglect the physical, and do not nurture it, we risk the chance of evolving into a race of the Unfeeling, indistinguishable from the cold steel machines that surround us more and more each day. We at EroTech wish to provide a medium by which modern humans can indulge their physical selves, in a positive and harmless fashion. We believe in helping to create a world free from the pain of loneliness and frustration, which play such a prominent role in the modern human condition." have a look

wow - evolving programs, a desktop petri dish, programs that write themselves

master of perception and impossible figures... the incredible art of Escher...

cool but very hard game from rocketarcade.com

more later ....

back tomorrow I promise :)