He was given a proper king's funeral like the viking moles of old. It was my great honor to be with King Mole at his last moments. It all started when I came home from an early job of helping my wife move into her new classroom. I noticed my cats playing with a little gray fur ball. I took a closer look and realized that they had been brutalizing a poor little mole. I picked him up and brought him inside. At that point I made this post on the WWIIOL forums.

ONE-POINT DARES
1. Run one lap around the office at top speed
2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
7. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
8. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS DARES
1. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
2. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
3. Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
4. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
5. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5. After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
6. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
8. In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
9. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
10. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
11. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
12. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
13. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
14. Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

And if that wasn't enough for you here are some examples of insane acts you can use anywhere...

1. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
2. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
3. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!"

Let the story begin....
I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all! She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, lets go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT??!!!"

I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly-over a frozen hell whilst monkeys fly out her bum.

Footballer's wife Louise Redknapp has been named the sexiest woman of the decade. The foxy brunette beat Kylie Minogue, Kelly Brook and Jennifer Aniston to land the FHM magazine title.
Her accolade comes at a rather portly time for the singer, expecting a child with husband and Spurs footballer Jamie in August.
Louise's top of the table ranking may have surprised some fans of the magazine - a March poll for its annual sexiest woman title placed her 17th.
But the singer, now 29, has featured in the annual contest since it was launched in 1994 and she was still a member of Eternal.
The ultimate top 10 is made up of four Americans, three Brits, two Aussies and a Canadian.

FHM Top 10 Sexiest Women of the Decade:

1 Louise Redknapp

2 Cameron Diaz

3 Kylie Minogue

4 Pamela Anderson

5 Carmen Electra

6 Kelly Brook

7 Jennifer Aniston

8 Dannii Minogue (strongly disagree with this so posting a piccy of Kiera Knightley)

9 Britney Spears

10 Jordan

picture of kylie changed for marc, see comment

I can imagine the scene at No. 10 ...
MP 1 - "Prime minister we need to reduce the NHS waiting list"
TBlair - OK reduce levels to give us more drinkers qualified as bingeing and we can refuse to treat casual drinkers hence less people on waiting list, sorted"

Drinking 3 - 4 beers in one sitting is considered binge drinking? Who the hell researched this nonsense?
We are all well aware of the problem that is binge drinking. As with so many things these days what is needed is to use existing laws on the minority that are causing the problem, not to introduce yet more blanket proposals to spoil things the 90% of people who are behaving decently. We have laws to prevent people being drunk and disorderly, yet very Friday and Saturday night (and now many mid-week ones too) the city streets are unsafe and disgusting with people fighting and attacking bystanders. We don't need more blanket rules but just need some real policing of the ones we have!
More likely the real reason is Britain's binge drinking culture is costing the country £20 billion a year, according to a government report. The study by the Prime Minister's Strategy Unit shows 17 million working days are lost to hangovers and drink-related illness each year. The annual cost to employers is estimated to be £6.4 billion while the cost to the NHS is in the region of £1.7bn. The smaller the waiting list the bigger pat on the back the government will give itself!Binge drinking isn’t so much about how much you drink but more about how fast you down it. It’s a big problem in the UK because of are strict licensing laws. Most establishments are shut by 11:30 and most clubs by 2am. The average drinker is close to tipsy and thinks he can handle more so starts ordering chasers in an effort to keep the high going for as long as possible after closing time.
Now the argument is that if the government extends the opening hours. It will cut down the amount of bingeing before closing time. In allowing people to set there own pace rather then trying to out run the clock will this ever really change things?

Wednesday 26th May! Does it ring any bells? Had you programmed it into your personal organiser? Did you perhaps think you might be somewhere else other than stuck in the office or at home watching the television? More importantly, does it still hurt?

Instead I'm sitting here pontificating over what might have been, All that looms on the horizon is Alfie Moon in his bloody West Ham United pyjama's, Garry Hobbs and Bobby's West Ham baby-grow followed by the homely Northern lass, Melanie Sykes, and something called The Vault. Ideally, it's a place to which I'd like to ban her bland monotone presentation!

However, if you think that is bad, just wait until later. Just wait for all those part-time comedians to slyly point out that "it's the Champions League Final tonight, weren't your lot in that?" As if they don't know! Why don't they just wave a bl**dy Monaco scarf around their heads. Then when the urge to slowly squeeze the last ounce of life out of them subsides, my inquisitive nature will make me watch the game.

As the teams walk out, I'll be wiping a tear away from my eye, the camera will scan the thousands of expectant faces making up the crowd before sheer emotion takes over and I'll be screaming at the top of my voice, at every one of those lucky bastards …
"IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN US!"

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Gillette has been caught hiding tiny RFID surveillance chips in the packaging of its shaving products. These tiny, high tech spy tags are being used to trigger photo taking of unsuspecting customers! The tracking system uses sensors hidden under Gillette shelves to detect when products are picked up. Whenever a shopper picks up a packet of razor blades from a spy shelf, SNAP! A hidden camera secretly takes a closeup photo of the shopper's face. (And a second photo is snapped at the cash register to make sure the product is paid for!) Gillette's spy shelves have been uncovered in the UK and we suspect they have been tested at various locations around the United States and other countries. The Gillette spy shelf and the associated hidden camera application were developed at the MIT Auto-ID Center, during the time that Gillette VP Dick Cantwell was the head of the Center's Board of Overseeers. This industry consortium has produced documents, pictures, and video promoting the use of Gillette "smart shelves" to take secret photos of unsuspecting customers, more here

was lucky enough to be invited to a corporate day out with a client at the Royal Berkshire Shooting School. The combination of excellent weather, good people and plenty of celebs made it a day to remember for me (add to that it was all for charity)

Started with breakfast and quick instruction on what we were doing ("just shoot the clays John")and then the celebs turned up and not an over-inflated ego in sight :)

Famous people spotted and talked to ...


Sir Steve Redgrave
shot with myself and 2 clients, very down to earth guy and a good laugh as well (even had him loading my gun for one part of the shoot)


Rhona Martin


Chris Tarrant

Top guy - Vinnie Jones

also spotted were ...

Martin Bayfield (ex-england rugby player) at 6 foot 10 he is one big guy
Barry McGuigan (ex-boxer) smaller than I thought but huge upper body from the fighting.

The British Olympic Association recieves no Government funding for the trip to Athens in August 2004 and so every 4 years The British Olympic Appeal is launched to raise funding that will be essential to the team's success this year so well worth it.

found by marc

This is a flash version of the arcade classic, but set at the bottom of a metal bowl. Try to stop the ball falling down the hole in the centre.

People's trust in their neighbours has eroded so far that fewer than half would ask them for emergency help. One in five of 1,000 people questioned for a survey claimed they hated people living nearby, saying they had "neighbours from hell". One in 20 admitted they did not know who their neighbours were, while one in six saw them only in passing.
Those surveyed blamed the pressures of work and family life for not getting to know people living around them. The research showed 58% of people thought their neighbours were becoming less close. Phil Loney, managing director of Lloyds TSB Insurance, said: "None of us will ever live on Ramsay Street but surprisingly few of us are willing to make the most of the neighbours we do have."

personally I know neighbours on both sides and across the road, but this was all helped when we had a street party celebrating the millenium

They were so tall, wide and very power full that they were able to pull out big trees just with the one hand. But what happen after when they become misguided ??

1. A simple check that your wife has not accidentally left Flash Toilet Wipes on top of the cistern instead of the usual Andrex moist bum wipes will avoid cross words and marital discord.

2. Motorists - avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

3. Single men - convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.

4. Diabolist - for the full effect when photographing Satan, make sure to switch off your camera's red-eye reduction feature.

5. Bi-Curious men - Go to a male doctor and complain of rectal bleeding. The resultant erotic anal probe will be a safe way to find out whether gayness is really for you.

some, all or none of the above borrowed from the Viz site - bloody hilarious

"One Sunday afternoon at Camden town station - which gets very crowded indeed due to the Camden Lock market - I heard the platform announcer giving the usual 'Please let the passengers off the train first' request. He repeated this request about four or five times becoming more audibly frustrated each time with the customers obvious reluctance to do so. After his final exasperated and rather shrill 'let the passengers off the train FIRST!' He gave up... 'Go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I'm going home.' Cue uproarious laughter from the whole station. - fantastic tales from the underground definitely gets my site of the month award (if I had one)

Side splitting and surprisingly addictive site about Ninjas. Apparently, 'most of their free time is spent flying, but sometimes they stab'.

Cycle Lane "Not even as long as a small cycle" - Ridiculous headlines. Terrible writing. Missing facts. It could be any local paper in the country - just.

Dear All,

For once, a serious message: We have received a warning at the London Ambulance Service and have been asked to pass on the information to all our families and friends.
The LAS have units closely associated with the Police 'D.A.R.E.' squads based in South London who are basically fighting Gang Crimes.The 'street gangs' in London (particularly South London at present, but it is sure to spread) have initiation tasks which new gang members have to carry out to be admitted to the 'gang'. The latest craze is to drive around, deliberately with no lights on their cars. The first person who 'flashes' them, points at them or sounds their horn at them, has to be followed by
that new gang member in their car, who then has to fire a shot into that vehicle !!! with no regard as to who is inside.

Our official instruction is that if we see a vehicle with no lights on, we are NOT to 'flash' it etc. and the advice to friends and family is that you should ignore any vehicles you see without lights. I would ask that you pass this info on to all your family, friends and colleagues by phone or e-mail, and who knows, it may save a life!

Its a lovely world we live in, isn't it.

(edit: for those of you who didn't realise, yes this is a hoax but I found it amusing hence the smiley at the top)

British spy chiefs secretly considered training pigeons to fly into enemy targets carrying explosives or biological weapons, it has been revealed. British intelligence set up a "pigeon committee" at the end of World War II to ensure expertise gained in the use of the birds to carry messages was not lost.
Documents now released to the National Archives reveal that the War Office intelligence section, MI14, warned: "Pigeon research will not stand still; if we do not experiment, other powers will." Among MI14's proposals was the training of pigeons carrying explosives to fly into enemy searchlights. Suppose it makes a change from chickens

A pub chain has withdrawn its ban on licensees flying St George's flag during the Euro 2004 championships. Arena pub managers were told the banner had "connotations of football violence" and could put off customers.
But brewer Mitchell and Butlers (M&B), which owns the Birmingham-based chain, now says the advice was sent out by an "over-zealous" company official (had to be a woman they can never make their minds up).
A spokesman said Arena pubs are welcome to fly the flag during the tournament.
The Arena chain boasts 142 pubs around the country and will be screening all of England's matches. It emerged on Wednesday that the firm was concerned that bunting and other patriotic paraphernalia will put off occasional customers and those with no interest in football.

gotta collect them all (homestar runner related) awesome as ever

On Saturday, April 24 my neighbour James had a party at our apartment complex. Janae left around 4:30 AM and backed into the side of my truck in the process .. more here

The best place to piss away your time on the Internet

The works of Zdzislaw Beksinski, fantastic site design

Canadian student who ordered an MP3 player over the internet from the US was shocked to receive a licensed handgun instead

pretty sure I have posted this before but good enough to post again, DO NOT put your picture on the Internet

cracking story, proof that real life is so much better :) "There was a loud crash. When I looked up, there was glass all over me and a turtle sitting beside me in my van,"

Dr Frasier Crane bade farewell to the penthouse apartment he shared with his cranky brother and father and set off for a new radio job in California. The fact that his plane, in the show's final twist, landed in Chicago, may or may not have been a detail of broader significance.

Thursday's night's hour-long finale (on U.S. TV) was the second time in as many weeks that we will have to wave goodbye to a popular network sitcom. Last week's send-off for Friends (in the U.S.) was watched by 52 million people. Frasier was not expected to beat that but it wasn't for lack of trying by NBC. The network ran a publicity blitz to coincide with the May "sweeps", when advertisers set their rates according to the latest viewing figures.

Could Frasier return in yet another incarnation? The character has been played by Kelsey Grammer for a record-equalling 20 years, first in the Boston bar comedy Cheers and, briefly, in Wings. But he hasn't excluded a further outing. There has been talk, too, of a new show centred on Niles, his brother, and Niles's wife Daphne.

Frasier's final hour was replete with the standard tropes of sitcom - a birth, a wedding, a six-year-old who accidentally gets drunk, and several unruly animals. Frasier wound up spouting Tennyson, which was a welcome reminder that this show was always a bit classier than its peers.

So, there you have it. The coolest car that's ever lived. In case your head has exploded from the sheer vehicular greatness of this car and you need it explained to you, the entire roof of this blue Ford is covered in toy vinyl figures glued on from various "free with purchase of fast food" giveaways. This makes it the Greatest Car That Has Ever Lived

When those images were posted Monday, Nick Berg was already dead. His body had been discovered at a highway overpass near Baghdad. The media reported that his remains showed obvious signs of trauma.

Obvious signs of trauma.

You could call it that, I suppose.

Over the past 24 hours, I have heard various pundits all over the spectrum, from the revenge seekers calling for the US to “nuke the bastards” to apologists claiming that the group that carried out the beheading was a rogue group, and the incident is an aberration, since “Islam is a religion of peace”.
I checked the Arabic forums to try and try and gauge the reaction to Zarqawi’s actions. There was one posting from a jihadi who had mixed feelings about the killing, and asking for validation that it was in fact in accordance with Islamic law. It was quickly answered with a flurry of postings citing fatwas and sunnah validating the act as being something not just allowed under Islam, but demanded by Allah.

The other postings were even worse. Here is a short list of some of the comments:

*Abu Mus'ab Alzrqawy carries out his work in a wonderful way
*Allah is the greatest, Nik Berg, the American citizen, who cut his head in Iraq, is a Jew
*These will please your eyes with these pictures of the neck of the apostate being cut
*A glory that shook the tyrant’s thrones by what our hands did!!

Clearly the jihadis had no problem with killing an American civilian.

I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s only been a few days since Osama Bin Laden announced a bounty for the death or capture of an American of British soldier or civilian. I wonder where Zarqawi goes to collect his 1,000 grams of gold.
But as I said, Al Qaeda was sending us a message. I for one got that message loud and clear yesterday. It was pretty hard to miss. Abu Banan, who apparently coordinates Al Qaeda’s internet news distribution outlet Global Islamic Media Centre, posted a translation in English to make sure all those who are Arabic-challenged got the message. Abu Banan translated the closing remarks, taken from the Repentence Sura of the Qu’ran, as follows: "So kill the mushrikeen wherever you see them”

The “mushikreen” are those who do not follow Islam, people who are considered apostates or polytheists.

Others translate it more literally. “Kill them (the unbelievers) where you find them.”

Either way you translate it the message is clear.

They want to kill us. They will kill is if we give them the opportunity. We can either fight them in Iraq, or we can fight them in our streets if we don't stop them overseas. But we will have to fight this war, one place or another.

Remember that the next time you see a prisoner who claims to have been humiliated by his British /American captors. At least they walked away. At least they are alive. Their heads are still attached to their bodies.

Nick Berg can’t say the same. Neither can Danny Pearl, nor the young Israeli soldier who was so gruesomely displayed on the internet message boards.

hi all , yes I am still here, just incredibly busy trying to drum up sales figures. Bit of a difficult time at present as with losing a couple of major deals recently (bastards!) confidence is a little low so sticking at it trying to find other good potentials to get the ball rolling again.

Also have been playing a lot of Lineage 2 (see screenie below) which is the next in the online mmorpg's to hit the shelves. How to describe the game ?? graphics in Lineage 2 are breathtaking. Lineage 2 uses the Unreal engine, which allows an obscene amount of characters to fit into a small area. Each of the towns are unique, featuring towering architectures and designs exclusive to each race, for example the dark elf town resides inside a cavern, with a magical twisting cloud of stars as a canvas and a giant pointed hand as a center piece to the town, if you were to look below the hand and through the grated floor, you would see a giant statues in which the hand originated. The dungeons are no less original, each town has a nearby dungeon and each dungeon has a very unique design, for example the dungeon near the dark elf starting area is a ruined husk of an old school of dark arts, or SoDA as the locals like to call it. From above you can see people 1000 ft. below fighting what remains down there. Don't get me started on how life-like the spiders are either. Altogether very good fun and if you are on PM me as "misticmeg" a human female mage Lvl 14.


Will find some spider pictures later so you can see how good the mobs look :) more later ...

and is looking quite cool, have to delve a little more before commenting, see more here

New Zealand man gets speeding ticket, writes smartass letter. Guess what?

There is one exhibit in the museum which makes Knyazkin be especially proud of. This is the 30-centimeter preserved penis of Grigory Rasputin. “Having this exhibit, we can stop envying America, where Napoleon Bonaparte’s penis is now kept. … Napoleon’s penis is but a small ”pod“ it cannot stand comparison to our organ of 30 centimeters…” the head of the museum said.

Unfortunate female soccer name

Rob has turned his internet talents to evil. This will really make you wince - an interactive knuckle-cracking toy with alarmingly realistic sound effects. There's not much to it, but you wouldn't really want more would you ?

Forget RSI at work whatabout the hazards here

The horrors at Abu Ghraib. (possibly NSFW)

first off Ubisoft are releasing a sequel to Prince of Persia - Sands of Time, more here and a screenie below, if its anything like the last should be good fun (although they could make it a little harder, I never want to see another final boss battle like we saw in the first PoP....that was crap! This game's one should be huge and giant like all other final bosses in games these days.)


Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Treasures of the Lost Abyss (2006) (USA) (working title) - Plot Outline: The second high-seas adventure of Captain Jack Sparrow, Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann.
Credited cast:
Johnny Depp .... Captain Jack Sparrow
Orlando Bloom .... Will Turner
Keira Knightley .... Elizabeth Swann
could we see in 2009 Pirates of the Caribbean 3 : Raise the Titanic ?

contender for headline of the year

sports illustrated galleries for 2004, official site here

New energy drink hits U.S. - some testimonials: "I only wish I had found SumPoosie sooner. This is by far the best tasting Energy Drink out there. I could never go back to the 'other' energy drinks after trying SumPoosie!" - Jeff - Hollywood, FL / "Being a bartender I'm always looking out for new mixers and drink recipes. SumPoosie adds a whole new dimension to my drink making! My customers love it!" - Terry - LasVegas, NV ... more here

This has got to be the funniest thing! Sammy is resting quietly until activated then he rises to the occasion and sings his song. His little mouth opens and closes when he sings and he dances up and down.

This is very impressive - View the Milky Way at 10 million light years from the Earth. Then move through space towards the Earth in successive orders of magnitude until you reach a tall oak tree just outside the buildings of the National High Magnetic Field Laboratory in Tallahassee, Florida. After that, begin to move from the actual size of a leaf into a microscopic world that reveals leaf cell walls, the cell nucleus, chromatin, DNA and finally, into the subatomic universe of electrons and protons. Oi I can see the pub from here !!

If you go to www.askjeeves.com and type "telephone" and then click on pictures, you should come up with pictures of telephones, right? Well, more or less... click on the link below and watch near the bottom.

Do not crack the whip too loud. It is bad for the whip and unpleasant for other people. True control of the whip means you can crack it as quietly as you like.

I don't think I have ever seen anything like this before, amazing !!

Want to identify yourself as a complete twat, but can't afford a nonced-out Peugeot 205 or Subaru motor? This post's for you, idiot. (from z-filter)

8008135 watch, football babes for your perusal

Really nice animated quicktime short. Well worth watching from blur.com

Doctor Who is set for its long-awaited return on Christmas Day.BBC chiefs have earmarked the start of the new series for a prime position in its festive schedule. The return will feature the Doctor - played by Christopher Eccleston - fighting his arch enemy the automatons.
yes I know they are daleks but couldn't find a picture of the automatons
It is still not clear who will be cast as the Doctor's assistant. Former Brookside star Anna Friel and Spooks actress Keeley Hawes are favourites for the role although I would prefer Kiera Knightley ;-)