Chelsea legend Gianfranco Zola is to be awarded an OBE in a special ceremony in Rome on Monday. The British embassy described Zola as "the most enduring and popular foreign player in the history of Chelsea" and praised his support for charities. British ambassador to Italy Sir Ivor Roberts will present Zola with the honour Monday "for his service to British football." Before returning to his native Cagliari last season, Zola spent five years at Chelsea, where the Italian became one of the best players in the English Premier League. A statement released by the British embassy in Rome on Friday said that Zola "represented an inspiration for thousands of supporters and fellow players" and that he should be "recognized as an excellent ambassador of football and a role model for many young fans."
I would so love to be there when he gets this

OK, so you work in an office in the middle of town, from 9 to 5:30 Monday to Friday, and you crave a job with just a little more spice. What should you do? Window cleaning is the most dangerous job in Britain, while being a vicar is one of the safest, according to a new report by Churchill Insurance. The report found that window cleaners have more chance of being killed or injured than police, firemen or even soldiers. Churchill spokesman Greg Dawson says: "Window cleaners were top of the pile as they are working at height, on ladders, with one or more implements, and need incredible balance and concentration. They could be described as circus performers without the safety net."
The list below shows the ten riskiest professions. Further down the rankings came jobs such as bailiffs and taxi drivers, followed by beer tasters, housewives and journalists. Vicars, pharmacists and insurance brokers were rated as having the most sedate and secure professions.

Britain's ten most dangerous professions
1. Window Cleaner
2. Soldier
3. Fireman
4. Offshore fisherman
5. Pilot
6. Police officer
7. Roofer
8. Scaffolder
9. Tree surgeon
10. Circus performer

Guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus and announces to all the patrons that he'll bet anyone there any amount of money that his octopus can play any musical instrument they set in front of it.
One guy says "I bet you $20 that he can't play the piano"
Guy takes his octopus over to the piano and sets him down. Octopus pokes at a couple keys *plinkplinkplink*, then breaks into Rachmaninoff's 'Flight of the Bumblebee' without any errors. Guy picks up his octopus and collects his $20.
Second patron comes up and says "I'll bet you $50 that he can't play this guitar.
Guy sets his octopus down and props up the guitar for him. Octopus plucks at the strings a bit *twangtwangtwang*, then breaks into a rockin' guitar solo worthy of Eric Clapton or Jimi Hendrix. Guy picks up his octopus and collects his $50.
A Scotsman comes up to him and says "A'll betcha a hunnerd dollars that he canno play the bagpipes."
Guy sets his octopus down in front of the bagpipes, and the octopus is checking out the bag, looking down the chanters, trying to cover up the fingerholes, turning it this way and that. Scotsman says to him "Laddie, are ya gonna play it or not?"
Octopus looks up at the Scotsman and says "Play it? If I can figure out how to gets it's jammies off I'm gonna f--k it!"
-------------------------------------

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unknown to him, his brother John's wife had died suddenly in his absence.
When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store. A kind old woman there mistook him for John and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said, "Hell no! Fact is, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy."
"I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good and that she smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle." The old woman fainted.
----------------------------------------

A car breaks down along the motorway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the hard shoulder. He jumps out of the car, opens the boot, and pulls out two men in long black trench coats. The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to all the oncoming traffic. This results in one of the worst pile-ups. When the police questioned him why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man replied, "I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!"

Less than two months after Doom 3's release, its first expansion pack is being summoned from the depths of hell; no release date yet. On August 3, id Software and Activision capped years of development by finally releasing Doom 3, the most anticipated PC game this side of Half-Life 2. Less than two months later, the two companies have announced an expansion to the graphically groundbreaking first-person shooter.
Called Doom 3: Resurrection of Evil, the expansion is (unsurprisingly) set after the events of Doom 3, when the space marine uncovers an ancient and evil artifact in the depths of hell. Unluckily for him, the denizens of Hades want their malevolent knickknack back, leading to another round of fiery marine-on-demon action. Activision promises the game will hold "new locations, characters and weapons." The most notable new weapon to be featured will be the double-barreled shotgun, which made its first appearance in Doom 2. The new offering will require the full retail version of Doom 3 to play and has not yet been rated by the ESRB. However, it's a safe bet that the game will be rated "M" for Mature.
"Now that fans have survived the horrors and edge-of-your-seat action of the original, Doom 3: Resurrection of Evil delivers players deeper into the heart of the UAC to uncover new secrets and technology used to destroy the demon force that's hell-bent on destroying you," said id CEO Software Todd Hollenshead in a statement. However, the statement made no mention of a release date for Resurrection of Evil, although it did reveal that the game would be codeveloped by Nerve Software, the developer of Return to Castle Wolfenstein: Tides of War.

In 2002, British stockbroker Shaun Attwood was arrested in Arizona, charged with money laundering and drugs offences. He spent the next two years awaiting sentence in Maricopa County jail, a cockroach-infested hellhole run by the notorious Sheriff Joe Arpaio, where inmates endured starvation and frequently attempted suicide. This is an extract from his diary , looks pretty genuine and makes an interesting read after the demise of belle de jour's blog

March 18 2004

One of the unsettling things about cellular living is that the jail authorities can randomly uproot an inmate at any time and transplant him into a new environment. During my two-year stay at the jail, I have been rolled-up (moved) several times. A new cell equals a new garrison of cockroaches to battle and I have learned to travel armed with AmerFresh Fluoride toothpaste, which blocks cockroach entry points very effectively.
On Tuesday our whole pod was moved to a different floor and I used my entire stock of AmerFresh to seal the numerous cockroach-launching points. The new cell was quickly and expertly fortified against the enemy. That night I slept soundly. Little did I know that the jail was about to sabotage my hard work.
On Wednesday I was moved back to my original floor and into one of the most cockroach-infested pods in the building. I was completely unarmed and helplessly watched the insects size me up from myriad cracks in the walls. The lights were still on, but I knew that by night time I would be doomed. My new cellmate and I didn't get much sleep, but lay awake watching the legions of cockroaches conquer the room. Whirling around us, they swarmed the floor, the walls, the ceiling, our commissary bags and, finally, our bunks.

Man trials colostomy bag powered moped - Bowel cancer victim George Bryant said yesterday he has created an alternative fuel source for his moped using the gases from his colostomy bag. "It screams," Mr Bryant told The Australian Times.
Mr Bryant said he first thought of the idea when he was in rehabilitation and was in a ward full of people recovering from the same surgery. "The smell was quite horrific and rancid. I was concerned that if someone struck a match we would all go up," Mr Bryant said.
The rehabilitation period in hospital lasted four weeks and Mr Bryant noticed the different smells that emanated from the changes in diets. "I also noticed that some foods went faster through the system and made the bags swell more than others. Red meat was the one that came to mind first," he said. Mr Bryant said he also was plagued by the problem of getting back to work after the surgery and was considering buying a motorcycle because he would not have the energy to use his bicycle.
"Lucky I am a motor fitter," he said. "During the breaks at work I tried many different fuel sources but none worked. Then one of the guys I worked with suggested my bag was on the nose. Then I remembered the ward smell." Mr Bryant said he only needed to adjust the needle and seat on his fuel system to a smaller jet and retarded the timing and the motor ran after only four attempts.
" I used a small weed-eater motor and started to trial the bike on weekends," he said. "One time I ran low on gas and had to rush into a fast food shop for some kabana to get the juices flowing again." Since that occasion Mr Bryant said he carried a container of small goods with him in case the bag started to run low.
"I keep a good selection of beef jerky, salami, and kabana on hand when I am in heavy traffic," he said.

Children's cartoon Scooby-Doo has officially become the most prolific TV animation in history, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. Canine crimefighter Scooby-Doo may have remained seven years old on screen since he first appeared - but in dog years he would be 245 by now. The Hanna-Barbera cartoon series has entertained generations of children - and adults - since 1969, with new versions, spin-offs and movie versions. But despite its popularity, those nefarious janitors - whose disguises are invariably unmasked by "those pesky kids" - never seem to learn ... more here

Parking wardens in Reading are the sixth-highest ticket-issuers in the UK outside London. More than 62,000 tickets were issued in the town in the year up to April 2004, putting Reading above cities like Liverpool and Newcastle in a league table of the most zealous wardens. Motorists and motoring organisations say they are “not surprised” by the figures.
Rebecca Rees, South East spokeswoman for the AA, said motorists would continue to be suspicious unless the system was reviewed. “Parking is a very sensitive issue and drivers have to be sensible,” she said. “But the system has to be seen to be fair for drivers to respect it.
“There’s a big suspicion in some areas that it’s about money-making. “If there is any doubt that a ticket was wrongly issued, you should contest it.”
Reading Borough Council has contracted out parking enforcement in the town to a private company, Vinci Park. Since Vinci took over, ticketing policy in the town has regularly proved controversial. The Evening Post reported earlier this year that company director Garry Clulow had clocked up more than £2,200 in fines because he can never find space in his allotted zone. Mr Clulow said he was not surprised the town was so high in the tickets list. “I think I got most of those 62,000 tickets!” he said.
Nationally, eager wardens handed out a massive seven million tickets worth £280 million in the year leading up to April 2003.
Reading was behind Birmingham, Brighton & Hove, Manchester, Northampton and Milton Keynes in the table. The number of tickets issues in the town was 62,596. Taking off the number of successful appeals the total amount of money brought in is £1.24 million.
Top of the list was Birmingham, which issued more than 164,000 tickets. Inside London, Westminster topped the list, with almost a million tickets issued.
A spokesman for Reading Borough Council said: “The scheme pays for itself and any small surplus that has been made is reinvested into road safety and other transport measures here in Reading.”

Solution! I think everyday citizens ought to be allowed to issue hand-written tickets that state "You parked like a jackass and are essentially taking up two spaces instead of one. Cut the crap." While this solution clearly wouldn't help, it might make me feel better.

They may have started their careers inflicting various sorts of pain on us via the medium of Australian soaps, but over the years the Minogue sisters have gradually grown from dowdy girls-next-door into mature sex kittens. And don’t we love them for it.
Dannii, the younger of the pair, is back in the limelight (and this week’s ZOO!) thanks to the impending release of new single You Won't Forget About Me. She’s come a hell of a way since ‘starring’ (ahem) as Emma in Home & Away, though some of her earlier videos make painful viewing – use this link to see them. And don’t say we didn’t warn you.
It took a sizzling Australian issue of Playboy for Dannii to finally shed her plain image, but it proved well worth the wait. Pics here. Her 1999 calendar was equally hot, although she kept her kit on this time. That leads nicely through to the present, and the video to her aforementioned new single, which features our lady dancing round in her smalls at the grand young age of 33. And still looking pretty incredible for it. Four more galleries from years gone by here.

The older Minogue needs even less introduction; Kylie’s backside alone has been the subject of a million male fantasies. It took the video for Spinning Around to really bring it to the national conscience, but since then she’s never looked back. Like little sis, Kyles has also been photographed naked – though not necessarily of her own choice. Some contrast nonetheless for a lady who once appeared in the terrible Street Fighter movie.
Now vamping things up with her own range of lingerie (which handily requires her being photographed in next to nothing on an annual basis), Kylie only seems to get sexier with age. The video for Can’t Let You Out Of My Head is often viewed as her crowning glory, but Red Blooded Woman has its moments too. Once you’ve watched them on repeat ten times over, reflect on Kylie through the years with this sizeable catalogue of pics.

Few pairs of sisters have had a similar sized impact of blokedom as the Minogues, even if some of their music has been excruciating. Despite being in their thirties, these two Aussies keep on getting sexier; though Kylie probably comes out on top, just. We just can’t forget that brilliant behind…

shamelessly ripped from Zoo site because I thought it was good

just finished Odd Thomas by Dean R Koontz and what a fantastic book,
Odd not only sees ghosts, he interacts with them and tries to help them if he can. He also sees evil spirits he calls "bodachs", who seem to feast psychically on injury and death. And he must literally race against time to prevent a disastrous event that will end up costing him almost more than he can bear.
This was a good book, but also a slightly depressing one. In one chapter Odd describes a childhood incident with his mother that would leave most people (me included) emotionally scarred, or even insane, for life. Of course, Odd himself realizes that he could in fact be insane, and that could be the reason he does what he does.
Of course, the book does include some of the wry humor and the numerous eccentric characters that pepper Koontz's books, and it is well-written and fast paced as usual. It also has a very jarring and depressing ending, so if you're one of those people who likes to read the last page of a book before you get to the end (you know who you are), DON'T DO IT! You'll ruin the book!

frustrating little game where you try to get the ball into the goal, managed to get to level 12 but cannot complete it, starts off nice & easy but then ...

not sure if this is real or a fake (found on milk and cookies) click here for video

cracking image very well done

What are you subconsiously afraid of? You fear bed sheets! Your're strange!

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

CHAV: THE WORD OF 2004?
This is one of the questions Countdown's Susie Dent asks in her new book larpers and shroomers: the language report, published on 19 October 2004 by Oxford University Press.
What is it that defines the language of the moment? Is it that curious word CHAV, virtually unknown until this year and used to describe loutish young people exhibiting COUNCIL ESTATE CHIC? Or is it the creeping of text and chat-room language into every aspect of our written life? Are our favourite TV programmes and SLEBS now directing our choice of words? Or are they all SHTUPID? Word on the SHTREET is that this is the latest trend in pronunciation. Grammar, too, is on the move - or are you SO not liking that?

A WORD A YEAR
However short its life, each word tells a tale about its environment. larpers and shroomers selects a single word born in each year of the 20th century and the opening years of the 21st. Each of them says something about the preoccupations of their time, including DEMOB in 1920, RACISM in 1935, BIG BROTHER in 1949, BEATNIK in 1958, MINISKIRT in 1965, TOY-BOY in 1981, HAVING IT LARGE in 1993, and SEXING UP for 2003. The dates of CHEESEBURGER or MOBILE PHONE may surprise.
BUBBLING UNDER: WORDS OF THE MOMENT
Only a tiny percentage of words will ever achieve permanence in the Oxford English Dictionary, but the waiting list of words is long.Among those words currently jockeying for recognition are FREEGANISM (a philosophy which promotes getting as much of one's food as possible from free sources), MOVIEOKE, (like karaoke, but when you act out scenes from a film), and RETROSEXUALS - men who spend as little time and money as possible on their appearance. How many of these will make it into a dictionary is anybody's guess, but whatever their chances, each of them reflects today's trends.

BIZ WORDS AND BUZZ WORDS
Business talk can be exciting too!Far from bland 'jargonics', how about some of these marvellously inventive phrases: PUTTING SKIN IN THE GAME (making a financial commitment to a company) and DROPPING YOUR PANTS (lowering the price of a product in order to close a sale). Work and play (or language play at least) do not always need to occupy separate spaces: MOOSE ON THE TABLE (an issue which everyone in a meeting knows is a problem but no one wants to address), and PRAWN-SANDWICH MAN (a corporate freeloader) are both terms in the modern business portfolio.

ARE YOU SHTUPID?
Are we less precise in our pronunciation nowadays? Have Thatcherism and therapy given way to FATCHERISM and FERAPY? Do you go to work on Tuesday or CHEWSDAY? Is LORA NORDER ('law and order') a friend of yours? Do your kids outrage you with their glottal stops? Susie Dent has been out on the street finding out if anyone still speaks the Queen's English.
English is the fastest-moving language in the world, and the largest. Around one third of the world's population uses English in their daily life and some 80% of the world's websites are in English. Tracking its course is a huge and important task, but Oxford University Press, with the largest language research programme in the world, is in prime position to undertake it.

1904 hip
1905 whizzo
1906 teddy bear
1907 egghead
1908 realpolitik
1909 tiddly-om-pom-pom
1910 sacred cow
1911 gene
1912 blues
1913 celeb
1914 cheerio
1915 civvy street
1916 U-boat
1917 tailspin
1918 ceasefire
1919 ad-lib
1920 demob
1921 pop
1922 wizard
1923 hem-line
1924 lumpenproletariat
1925 avant garde
1926 kitsch
1927 sudden death
1928 Big Apple
1929 sex
1930 drive-in
1931 Mickey Mouse
1932 bagel
1933 dumb down
1934 pesticide
1935 racism
1936 spliff
1937 dunk
1938 cheeseburger
1939 Blitzkrieg
1940 Molotov cocktail
1941 snafu
1942 buzz
1943 pissed off
1944 DNA
1945 mobile phone
1946 megabucks
1947 Wonderbra
1948 cool
1949 Big Brother
1950 brainwashing
1951 fast food
1952 Generation X
1953 hippy
1954 non-U
1955 boogie
1956 sexy
1957 psychedelic
1958 beatnik
1959 cruise missile
1960 cyborg
1961 awesome
1962 bossa nova
1963 peacenik
1964 byte
1965 miniskirt
1966 acid
1967 love-in
1968 It-girl
1969 microchip
1970 hypermarket
1971 green
1972 Watergate
1973 F-word
1974 punk
1975 detox
1976 Trekkie
1977 naff all
1978 trainers
1979 karaoke
1980 power dressing
1981 toyboy
1982 hip-hop
1983 beatbox
1984 double-click
1985 OK yah
1986 mobile
1987 virtual reality
1988 gangsta
1989 latte
1990 applet
1991 hot-desking
1992 URL
1993 having it large
1994 Botox
1995 kitten heels
1996 ghetto fabulous
1997 dot-commer
1998 text message
1999 google
2000 bling bling
2001 9/11
2002 axis of evil
2003 sex up
2004 chav

john.taylor@abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyzabcdefghijk.com and its free :)

found these in b3ta and FHM

fantastic stunt video from Ben Wheatley that you will just have to watch twice, Cunning Stunt

following on from yesterdays post about the mega excavator how about a mega skateboard ?

This web vid looks unpromising but slowly draws you in by upping the creativity from
shot to shot.

Ever wondered who that was lurking in the background of your delightfully composed photograph of the Eiffel Tower? Who was that guy who put two fingers up behind your head when you were manfully posing with your girlfriend? Well, now you might be able to find out (or just have a laugh at some nicely ruined photos) for FREE with this glorious website! It all depends if that someone will admit that was me!...

Perhaps this lot should think about a new marketing slant or certainly a rebrand

I don't believe this, look 5 down & 5 across. Here's our lady.

8008135 - cracking ladies - first off I have been watching Alias on DVD (borrowed from Marc) and this is awesome, Jennifer Garner as you have never seen her secondly this one is sweet Elin Grindemyr Gallery or almost as good is Emma Lundberg

A Bill to bring lighter and longer winter evenings to Britain is getting its second reading today. MP Nigel Beard wants the UK to get into line with most of Europe by putting the clocks forward an hour permanently. He claims the nation's health could benefit from the change, with longer days allowing more time after work for sport. The tourist industry could get a boost of up £3bn with more visitors coming in the autumn.
But he says a more important result of lighter evenings could be the prevention of deaths and injuries on the country's roads. It is predicted that with lighter evenings, 450 accidents would be prevented every year. In 2003, road deaths rose by almost a quarter from October to November as darker nights and worsening weather set in.
But Scotland is concerned the change would lead to more accidents in the morning. England and Wales would change the clocks permanently, with Scotland and Northern Ireland able to make their own decisions. If Scotland decides to stay the same, Britons could be changing watches at Hadrians wall - not on a crossing to Calais.

found these via links from thelostlinks.com and had me snorting with chuckles ..

When instant messaging goes too far (check out the goldfish bowl)

Amazing gymnast until she feels a little tired

I wonder what the proof was that he was a customer not a burglar? "Here, have these tissues..." (from Reuters)

strongbad unplugged "well HUGE to the DORK, your timing couln't be more perfect, as I just received my new electric boots in the mail today" priceless

Paddington Development Corporation has just unveiled, or rather unrolled, a startling new pedestrian bridge which crosses an inlet from the Basin in front of the new Marks and Spencer headquarters (more here)
from this
to this
ending up as this

WTF NEWS

A sports reporter has got to do what a sports reporter has got to do
Here's something I get all the time... "You sleep in a box?!" Yes. I do sleep in a box.
A man in central China has been refused permission to name his son "@" because it cannot be translated into Mandarin - as the law demands.


8008135 4 u - "I used to get teased all the time in grade school because I was this really skinny girl, but my butt was huge. I would always be in the principal's office because someone had grabbed my butt and made me cry." - Vida Guerra

this is awesome ... (found on various sites such as osrm)

- Stands over 95 metres tall
- Is over 215 metres long (2.5 football fields)
- Weighs over 45,500 tons (yes that's 45 thousand tons!)
- Cost $100 million USD, took 5 years to design & manufacture and 5 years to assemble
- Only Requires 5 people to operate
- The Bucket Wheel is over 70 feet in diameter with 20 buckets each of which can hold over 15 cubic metres of material. A 6-foot man can stand up inside one of the buckets.
- It moves on 12 crawlers (each is 3.6 metres wide, 2.4 metres high and 14 metres long) 8 in front and 4 in back
- Has a maximum Travel speed of 10m/min
- It can remove over 76,455 cubic metres of overburden each day

(click the image for the bigger picture)

found these on zeldman.com not sure how many are true but I found them funny ...


"After I created the ad the managers said: 'We've talked it over, and the acne banner is not suitable for the site. Please swap it out with something a little more tasteful.'


Client: Alteon internal marketing group. Cause of death: "Hahahah, that's great. You're kidding, right?"


Client: Yuk Yuk's Comedy Club. Cause of death: "Client felt it was too mean. They asked for some new edgy stuff to get Yuk Yuk's come attention. They liked some of the other stuff but reacted with an eeewwwwww to this one


This ad appeared in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette on Thursday June 17th. It was quickly yanked after readers noticed an unfortunate visual illusion created by the front flange of the tan-colored bicycle seat.

LOS ANGELES---Beloved comedian Rodney Dangerfield passed away today at 1:20pm at UCLA Medical Center following a difficult recovery from heart valve replacement surgery performed on August 25. He was 82 years old. According to his doctors, Rodney suffered a small stroke post operatively and developed infectious and abdominal complications from which he did not recover.

Very funny man whose self-deprecating one-liners brought him stardom in clubs, television and movies and made his lament "I don't get no respect" a catchphrase.

Some of his one-liners that I loved ...

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

When I was born, the doctor said to my father, " I'm sorry, we did everything we could but he still pulled thru".
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said " on your mark ......"
(my personal favourite)I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in the library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

so its been a few days ...

Watched the England game against Wales on saturday and boy was I bored, happy that Frank got a goal (even though that prat Owen tried to claim it) as for Beckham fantastic goal but what did "running around like a headless chicken/prima donna" do except score one goal? Doesn't tackle properly (I laughed when he injured himself in one! and now he's saying he did it on purpose, that's clever tell everyone and get a further ban for bringing the game into disrepute) if he's not going to keep his position and wants to wander all over the place, then someone else has got to cover for him. Really looking forward to a pleasant game on Wednesday without golden b**ls.

from the Daily mail: David Beckham has said that deliberately picking up a booking against Wales on Saturday demonstrated that he has "the brains" to think ahead and make such a clever decision. However simply by making that statement the England midfielder has cast great doubt on his assertion. Rather than be happy with the desired result that he apparently sought to get - and it is hardly out of the question that it was actually just a wild revenge lunge - Beckham has felt the need to respond with this testy admission.
The England captain was stung by media criticism of the tackle. The challenge on Ben Thatcher that led to the booking was widely reported as a major blot on an otherwise encouraging performance from the midfielder. The act was called, amongst other things, stupid and petulant.
The sensitive soul responded defensively saying: "It was deliberate. I am sure some people think that I have not got the brains to be that clever, but I do have the brains." Beckham said that he committed a foul on Ben Thatcher in Saturday's game against Wales in order to pick up a yellow card thus banning him for the Azerbaijan game that he would have missed anyway due to injury.
Such an act would indeed illustrate a level of nous previously not credited to the England captain. He will now not have a yellow card hanging over his head threatening his inclusion in a potentially more important England qualifier.
However his announcement of the fact has sparked completely unnecessary controversy, threatening to overshadow the buildup to England's World Cup qualifier tomorrow in Azerbaijan and has raised the spectre of possible action by FIFA for bringing the game into disrepute.
Petulant? Stupid? You've certainly proved us wrong David.

Much more entertaining was the celebrities vs. legends game on Sky One on Sunday night and boy was it a close game, had to laugh at Le Tissier though, after going on a run that ended with him faiing over Andy gray reckonned he would be back in 30 mins.

in other news Jemma (eldest daughter) has managed to trip over in high heels and sprain her ankle and has missed two days of school and Rachel (youngest daughter) has an ear infection so home looks like something out of a casualty ward at present.

more later ...

some stuff ...

empire magazine have released the ultimate movie band list ...

Drove up to Birmingham yesterday and what a nightmare that place is, seems like every traffic cone in europe has decended onto the Birmingham road system (perhaps thay are having a convention at the NEC) with lanes closed left, right & centre, grid-lock around New Street station and me 30 mins late for appointment. Full Birmingham chaos listed here: here and here

in other news:

this is the most amazing thing I have ever seen on the net zoom zoom zoom and this clip along with the gandalf one from last week has got to be one of the funniest I have ever seen subtitles

"It's a bull's penis!" "NO, it's a walking stick!" Wait, wait... the most unusual canes. A Bull Penis made into a walking cane and a walking stick. This is a legendary cane that represents power and stamina. Professionally cured by a taxidermy. 100% steralized (tfft).

this is a different way of looking at things (click picture below)

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John"
letter from his girlfriend back home.

It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry.

Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky


The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note ..

Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the f**k you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care, Ricky

two funnies ...

(donated by Hank)
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.
"Wow!” I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly! She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute!
"Anyway, I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled... so I told her to fuck off

and this one from Duncan

Thanks to Ryan for this one .... we have sent our reporters far and wide to track down the core root of the Chav epidemic. Success!! after 3 years of searching with barely enough time to eat or sleep we tracked him down in a car park in Essex.


the most wanted Chav in the universe!

this is so funny ...

As you may have noticed, the Casio Exilim is a 2.0 Megapixel beauty with a 4X digital zoom. At under a half-inch thick, it's the perfect camera to put in your pocket and lose while dining out. No doubt, you're wondering why the memory card contains 17 close-ups of a cat's ass.

the full script and video of that Rainbow clip, you know the one that features:
Geoffrey: "Never mind Roger, let sing the plucking song, come on everybody get your instruments out."
Rod (to Jane): "Do you want to blow on my pipe while I'm twanging away?"
Jane: "Oh no Rod, I was blowing a lot with Roger last night. But would you like to play with my maracas?"
Zippy: "No, let's just pluck away with our twangers."

ok so this guy wakes up one morning and ... more here

found on fazed ... I'm not sure which is worse, the destruction of the new car, or the trauma to the people on the motorcycle

360 degress panorama of the grand canyon for your pleasure

smelly story and you've got to check the guy's name in paragraph 3

some games ..

try this game its easy to start but impossible to complete my best is 67580

this one's quite good as well

So what's been happening, finally cancelled my City of Heroes account so no online gaming for a while but have picked up Sims 2 and Evil Genius.

Evil Genius is excellent, a tongue-in-cheek take on the spy thrillers of the '60s, offering you the unique opportunity to play the villain as you control a secret island fortress (very Dungeon Keeper style) complete with powerful henchmen, loyal minions, ice-cold beauty queens, and a host of hilarious gizmos. Official site here.

Tired of working at McDonalds? ... Is minimum wage just not pushing it? Then get that useless babymama bitch and show her freaky deaky side to every pervert out there. At niggahostin.com we will give FREE hosting for that kinda ill shit. Excellent spoof.

"How Berkeley Can You Be?" parade in Berkeley on Sunday, September 19, 2004. Berkeley's homegrown parade is a celebration of everything that makes Berkeley so proud of itself. Even the very title of the parade -- "How Berkeley Can You Be?" -- turns the name of the city into an adjective. To be "Berkeley" is, well -- see for yourself:

The British Grand Prix has been omitted from the Formula One calendar for the first time in the sport's history. Silverstone is not on the provisional 2005 calendar, which must be ratified by the FIA world council on 13 October. Formula One supremo Bernie Ecclestone reportedly wanted £8.9m from race organisers the British Racing Drivers' Club to host the race. BRDC president Sir Jackie Stewart described the decision as "a disaster" and called on Ecclestone to rethink.
My thoughts? I think it's a really sad state that the Country has come to this, the British GP is one of the "Great British Traditions" and to lose this is very sad, however the Silverstone track is dull and needs improvement, more excitement like we had in China last weekend for starters!!! The threat of a London GP is stupid and a very big waste of money for the Country..... but then again it appears that this Country enjoys doing and investing in stupid things and wasting money. How can we let this happen when we created the whole concept of F1 racing back in the 50's, either the government needs to get involved as the Lottery fund has helped a lot of other sports or perhaps Schumaker can root around for some loose change and sub the event (providing he gets a corner named after him), I have a gut feeling that Blair is colluding with Ken Livingstone so that Ken gets his London grand prix.

some other views found on the news sites ...

How has the sport allowed such a greedy little man come to have so much power? If he really wants to keep F1 successful then he should be making sure the fans get what they want...tighter racing and competition not a procession. I really don't care where the British GP is held (excpet London that is just stupid) but he needs to ensure the home of motor sport is represented. Lets get rid of Ecclestone now, let him go and enjoy his millions overseas where his buddies are.
Rowan Atkins, Milton keynes

I really enjoy Formula 1, but I don't know why people are complaining about Silverstone being dropped from the F1 calendar. Ecclestone has made it clear for some time now that Silverstone had to improve to its facilities to remain on the F1 circuit and they simply didn't do what was required. You just have to look at the new tracks in Shanghai and Bahrain to see how far behind the competition we now are. The attitude that we should have a Grand Prix here just because of our past greats like Stewart, Hunt and Moss counts for nothing in the present day. Rather than whinging about Ecclestone (doing his job properly) shouldn't British Racing be coming up with plans on how to win an improved British GP back?
Ben, Bristol

What a shame that the issue of finance continues to overshadow the sport. I am very sad that Mr Ecclestone continues to push up the price of the races (money he receives) whilst supporting team cost cutting measures (money he doesn't receive?). Also he cant complain about the lack of investment in Silverstone, the government have improved the roads etc. But still he pushes for more. Lets face it the Silverstone has provided more exciting races than many of the other circuits, why not remove Hungary from calendar where each year we watch, or switch off, from a processional race.
Dave, Nottingham