this is just a little too close to home ..

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explains,"I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."
The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says...

(Are you ready for this?)



(Are you sure?)



(This is bad!)



(It's definitely a Blonde Joke!)



(You know you could just click off
and not read the punch line....)

(You know you're gonna be sorry)



(Last chance)



(OK, here it is)


It says, Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave.

Welcome to Busty Mousepads, home of the hentai ergonomic mouse pad.
This quality mouse pad features a cleavage— uh, CLEVER ergonomic wrist rest on a pair of gel boobs. Your friends will love it and will poke at it when you're not looking. Your girlfriend will probably think you're a pervert.

Try this game, such a simple idea yet so hard managed to get to lvl 20 before I gave up

One hell of an awesome movie trailer

Makes the little bit of snow we have here look pathetic, poor guy who owned the car

OMG Beyonce with bouncing boobies Phoarrrr !

What about fear factor naked ?

This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide.
The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?"
"No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania."
The bartender looks at him and sasy "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?"
"I'm a taxidermist." said the man.
The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?"
The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"

always thought earth would make a great host from Worth1000.com

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your Duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm quite sure. The duck is dead," he replied. How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes turned around and left the room and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, looked at the bill. "£150!", she cried.. £150 just to tell me my duck is dead?"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry." "If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan. It's now £150."

all the jessica simpson you could want and more

some incredible britney pictures as well

and what about some elisha cuthbert as well

serial burglar caught on webcam (what a muppet)

Blimey hope the guy got out

this guy has just got to be gay

A secret underwater attraction that lured several divers to their deaths could have returned, police say. The "gnome garden" complete with picket fence was removed from the bottom of Wastwater in the Lake District after several divers died a few years ago. It is thought they spent too much time at too great a depth while searching for the site of the ornaments.
Now police divers say there is a rumour that the garden has returned at a depth beyond which they are allowed. Pc Kenny McMahon, a member of the North West Police Underwater Search Unit, said the gnomes were well known among the diving community.
He said: "Wastwater is quite clear at the bottom, but there's nothing to see. At a depth of about 48m, divers had taken gnomes down and put a picket fence around them.
"But several years ago there were a number of fatalities and the Lake District National Park Authority asked us to get rid of them.
"We went down there, put them in bags and removed the lot.
"But now there's a rumour about a new garden beyond the 50m depth limit.
"As police divers we can't legally dive any deeper so, if it exists, the new garden could have been purposefully put out of our reach."
references: BBC / Cumbria Online

Thong panties, particularly combined with tight, low cut jeans can cause the following health risks; vaginal and bacterial infections, haemorrhoids, lacerations of the anus — or possibly an increase in sexually transmitted diseases among fellow thong-wearers.
Dr Vondensteinenum of the Institute of Women’s Health took time out from folding fetching new designs for 'JLow' designer sanitary pads to talk to us. “We have found that the majority of women who wear the ‘combination’, especially in drinking establishments, tend to have unsafe sex practices. This leads to an increase in chlamydia and sexually transmitted diseases. We have also found, because of the rubbing of the material along the buttocks and the tightness of the fabric, that women are more likely to suffer from inflammation, lacerations, infections and even infertility, solely from their unfortunate choice of knickers.”
Utterpants put these concerns to a spokestypeperson from the Ministry of Health, who told us: “We are currently looking into womens' underwear and considering putting warning labels on all thongs to clearly state the health risks associated with these garments. We need to educate the public over this mounting dilemma. Women wear thongs to be sexy, yet the poor sods who have to go 'down there' to clean up the yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis which result from wearing them don't find them much of a turn-on.”
“We are especially concerned about the amount of women wearing thongs while pursuing activities in which they sweat, or bounce around a lot," added Dr Vondensteinenum. "Vigorous Yogic exercises or horseback riding in a thong are incredibly reckless activities for a young woman. Why, you could cut off the circulation to your entire vagina! It’s better not to wear any underwear at all!"
"We couldn't agree more, doctor, " we commented.

FIFA has invited more than 50 players (see below), including some of the biggest stars in world football, to take part in the "Football for Hope" match at Barcelona's Nou Camp stadium on 15 February (kick-off 21.00h CET).
Organised by FIFA and UEFA in consultation with the Spanish football association, and with support from FC Barcelona who are providing their stadium and staff free of charge, this benefit match for the victims of the tsunami will see an XI led by Ronaldinho, the FIFA World Player 2004, play a team captained by Andriy Shevchenko, the European Footballer of the Year 2004.
All of the proceeds of the "Football for Hope" match will be donated to the FIFA/AFC Tsunami Solidarity Fund, which has been set up jointly by FIFA and the Asian Football Confederation (AFC). UEFA has also pledged donations to this fund.
World football's solidarity efforts are still underway in South, Southeast Asia and the parts of Africa that were affected by the tsunami (click here for more information)
The game, at Barcelona's Nou Camp, will be between a European team, led by Andriy Shevchenko, and a non-European side captained by Ronaldinho. The Shevchenko XI will be jointly coached by Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger and Italy's Marcello Lippi whilst Ronaldinho's outfit will be coached by his Brazilian boss Carlos Alberto Parreira and Barcelona coach Frank Rijkaard.
The game will be refereed by Italian Pierluigi Collina.

squads as follows ...

RONALDINHO XI

Coaches: Carlos Alberto Parreira (Bra), Frank Rijkaard (Ned).

Goalkeepers: Dida (AC Milan), Idriss Kameni (Espanyol).

Defenders: Cafu (AC Milan), Ivan Cordoba (Inter Milan), Gabriel Heinze (Manchester United), Radhi Jaodi (Bolton), Samuel Kuffour (Bayern Munich), Rafakl Marquez (Barcelona), Lucas Radebe (Leeds), Javier Zanetti (Inter Milan), Paolo Montero (Juventus), Carlos Alberto Gamarra (Inter Milan), Rigobert Song (Galatasaray), Raymond Kalla (Bochum).

Midfielders-Strikers: Cha Doo-ri (Eintracht Frankfurt), Didier Drogba (Chelsea), Samuel Eto’o (Barcelona), Kaka (AC Milan), Mehdi Mahdavikia (Hamburg), Park Ji-sung (PSV Eindhoven), Ronaldinho (Barcelona), David Suazo (Cagliari), Obafemi Martins (Inter Milan), Esteban Cambiasso (Inter Milan).

SHEVCHENKO XI

Coaches: Marcello Lippi (Ita), Arsene Wenger (Fra).

Goalkeepers: Iker Casillas (Real Madrid), Francesco Toldo (Inter Milan).

Defenders: Kakhaber Kaladze (AC Milan), Vincent Kompany (Anderlecht), Paolo Maldini (AC Milan), Carles Puyol (Barcelona), Lilian Thuram (Juventus), Christoph Metzelder (Borussia Dortmund), Alessandro Nesta (AC Milan).

Midfielders-Strikers: Michael Ballack (Bayern Munich), David Beckham (Real Madrid), Deco (Barcelona), Sebastian Deisler (Bayern Munich), Alessandro Del Piero (Juventus), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Ludovic Giuly (Barcelona), Thierry Henry (Arsenal), Frank Lampard (Chelsea), Raul (Real Madrid), Andrei Shevchenko (AC Milan), Johann Vogel (PSV Eindhoven), Zinedine Zidane (Real Madrid), Christian Vieri (Inter Milan), Gianfranco Zola (Cagliari), Francesco Totti (Roma), Vincenzo Montella (Roma), Jari Litmanen (Hansa Rostock).

roses are #ff0000, violets are #0000ff, all my base are belong to you
supplied by marc

and for some alternative valentines cards try here

And this is why you shouldn't have sex when your kids are awake

bet you don't find these rhymes in any cards ...

My tyre was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tyre...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.

On several BitTorrent and P2P forums we have noticed reports that LokiTorrent actually has been holding out hoping that the MPAA will make an offer to shut them down rather then wage on with the expensive pending lawsuit. We have decided to research this rumor ourselves to see what this popular torrent site is up to. Original this was posted on p2pforum but has vanished... We are posting this story for the public awareness.
Some things we have noticed about the popular bit torrent site Lokitorrent that have raised some red flags is that they started collecting a US$30,000 legal fund to defend their site before they even were being sued! Even more odd was once they were sued they raised this amount to US$30,000 per month in legal fees plus US$4000 per month in site costs. To us this all sounds kind of fishy. Our question is why?
After several failed attempts to reach Lokitorrent site admins looking for answers we went and contacted the MPAA which was more than happy to state that yes Lokitorrent and the MPAA were in negotiations and that the current offer could not be disclosed nor could the terms if the deal were to be reached.
We all know bit torrent site admins take pride in their grassroots, non-profit image however most sites make huge amounts of money. Suprnova which claims to have shutdown due to MPAA pressure and to finish working on their Exeem project for their client is completely just lies. Suprnova was making alot of money. Figure if they had 2,000,000 visitors per day (which is what lokitorrent claims to have, suprnova many estimate had closer to 5,000,000) they would have made close to US$90,000 per month just from per-click ads. Do the math, (all you blog site admins will be kicking yourself because you know this is true) if even only 1.5% (my blog site even gets about 6%, so 1.5% is really low estimate) click an ad, even if by mistake they get an average of $.10 per click so they would be making US$3000 per day times 30 days, not to mention those annoying high paying popups. So now you are asking why would Suprnova shutdown if they were making so much? Well the answer is simple, with Exeem they have much lower costs as their whole system can run on 2 or 3 servers and their effort to maintain those 2 or 3 servers is alot lower as well when you consider they had more then 25 servers going at their peak. Exeem also will make them a ton of money through Cydoor. Some estimate they can easily make $1 per user per day which would put them at close to US$300,000 per day with their current user base. Cydoor is a information harvesting company. They harvest the users info to either sell to marketing companies and spammers or to use your info to hit you with ads directly for their clients. By using Exeem these companies know everything about you just by monitoring your online actions. You go to your email, they now know your email address, you fill in a form they have your name and home address, the information they can harvest is limitless and it is totally legal because when you install Exeem the user license informs you of this if you were to actually read it. If you dont believe us click here and read the part about Cydoor carefully.
So why do Lokitorrent and Suprnova care so much about the public knowing about all this? They care because if you knew about it their image as being modern day Robinhoods would be tarnished and they would not be able to sucker you their user into donating Thousands of dollars to them.
Our prediction is this Lokitorrent will sign a deal with the MPAA to shutdown, they will claim to shutdown saying that do to lack of donations they ca not afford to fight the case. The Lokitorrent admins save face with the BitTorrent community and continue their mufftorrent porn site and everyone goes on thinking they were just underdogs that could not afford to fight.
We would actually like to hear a reply from lokitorrent or suprnova on this actually and we welcome their reply. Again this is all just still brain food and speculation at this point.
Now for some real good torrent sites here is a list of some really good Bit torrent sites on the web.
We are not say that they are all non-profit but that they are not trying to play off a fake image.

mybittorrent
btsource - log in needed
bi-torrent
isohunt

LokiTorrent fed the torrent hunger of 680,000 active registered members and dealt with 1.8 million hits per day. They were the only website to stand and fight the MPAA after the pre-Christmas shutdowns. Or so the community, who donated $40,000 legal aid, thought.
Either $40, 000 is not enough to fight, or the MPAA have given Edward Webber, the site owner, a better offer.
“This website has been permanently shut down by court order because it facilitates the illegal downloading of copyrighted motion pictures,” an MPAA notice on Lokitorrent.com now reads.
Torrentstop, LokiTorrent's lighter sister which is also run by Webber, displays the same notice.
Sources close to Webber have confirmed that the shutdown by the MPAA is permanent. The case will not go to trail. No more information is available at this stage due to a court gagging order.
Update: LokiTorrent administrator Edward Webber has agreed to pay a substantial fine and to provide all BitTorrent activity logs of its former users. This comes as a serious betrayal to those who felt that LokiTorrent intended to fight the MPAA lawsuit. From the MPAA press release:
The MPAA's efforts to date have resulted in a 40 percent reduction in the number of servers that continue to operate. One such site that will no longer exist is LokiTorrent—one of the largest BitTorrent host servers. The operator of that site, Edward Webber, agreed to not only pay a substantial settlement with even greater financial penalties for any further such actions, but by Court Order must provide the MPAA with access to and copies of all logs and server data related to his illegal BitTorrent activities, which will provide a roadmap to others who have used LokiTorrent to engage in illegal activities. (ripped from http://www.addict3d.org/)

fantastic work on this site, 4 seperate Italian places with a round-the-clock view that you can control http://www.theircircularlife.it/

What started out as an innocent adventure with a hamster, 20 yards of dental floss, and 12 mylar balloons led to tragic disaster for one brave hamster called "Ass"
His family and friends will never forget all the joy and happiness he brought the world. http://modifiedliving.com/Hamster.htm

This is a creative graphical puzzle divided into 15 stages. Each stage comes with a digital image that contains a text that allows you to get to the next stage.
If you manage to solve the puzzle on a stage, erase the current HTML page from the address field (Leave this part: http://www.etienne.nu/imagepuz/ ) and replace it with the text you found, then hit Enter and you will come to the next stage!
NOTE: The text is always in written in a clear form, it's just disguised in some way. There are no riddles or such things. The text is always located within the image file. it's never a reference to a place outside this website!
If you manage to complete all 15 stages you will be directed to a new puzzle based on encrypted messages... click here to start

Spain set a new record victory margin for the UEFA European Under-21 Championship as Fernando Llorente, Daniel Jarque and Jonathan Soriano all struck hat-tricks in a comprehensive qualifying Group 7 victory against San Marino.
The home side needed victory to leapfrog Belgium and Lithuania into the second play-off place, and the goal rush began in the fifth minute when David Silva planted a firm header into the top corner from Gabi Fernández's cross - and continued until Spain had bettered Austria's 10-0 win against Liechtenstein in 1990.

Final Score - Spain U21 14 San Marino U21 0
6', 62' Silva
12', 45' Llorente
30' Vagnetti (o.g.)
48', 50', 65', 90' Soriano
70', 75', 85' Jarque González
73' Hector Font
90' Jesús Navas

Ellen MacArthur is being welcomed back to Britain by huge crowds after sailing solo around the world in record time. The 28-year-old, who is to be made a Dame, will shortly sail into Falmouth Harbour in Cornwall on her boat B&Q.
She crossed the finish line at 2229 GMT on Monday, completing her 27,348-mile voyage in 71 days 14 hours 18 minutes and 33 seconds.
She smashed the previous mark, set in 2004 by Frenchman Francis Joyon, by nearly 33 hours. MacArthur said: "I feel absolutely exhausted but I'm elated to be here. It has been an unbelievable journey. (ed's note: exhausted ? wait until she sees 71 days of ironing and washing up that will be waiting at home)
BBC details
Sky details

footage of the now infamous bust up in the tunnel before the Arsenal vs. Man Utd game, lots of swearing etc etc.

game: ghost rider very addictive and difficult best scores below ..



why it's dangerous to post your picture on the internet

some very clever work here in the bolt gallery, see who you recognise

Ladies it only takes a minute and your bloke will love you for ever :)(QT needed)

Since when do accordian players get strippers as girlfriends ?

Five mile walk to recharge phones

It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight. Risin' up to the challenge of ourrrrrr rival check this link and watch for the kid with the ball and the second water drink.

Also was sent this by Hank

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, where upon she replies that it is not possible, because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.
"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled.
Whereupon the old lady answers:

"We just love the chocolate around them."

and finally ...

with apologies to anti I could not resist posting this

football 365 are running a competition for their favourite football chants and some are very funny ...

Blame It On Traore (nominated by Rob McCormack, Dublin)
'Don't blame it on the Biscan,
Don't blame it on the Hamann,
Don't blame it on the Finnan,
Blame it on Traore.
'He just cant, he just can't, he just can't control his feet...'

Two Andy Gorams (nominated by James Thorogood) When Andy Goram was having treatment for schizophrenia...
'There's only two Andy Gorams, two Andy Goooorams...'

Lovable Leeds (nominated by Steven Knowles) To the tune of 'She'll be coming round the mountain'...
'We're the best behaved supporters in the land,
We're the best behaved supporters in the land,
We're the best behaved supporters, best behaved supporters
Best behaved supporters in the land (WHEN WE WIN!)'
Pause..
'We're a right set of b***ards when we lose,
We're a right set of b***ards when we lose,
We're a right set of b***ards, right set of b*stards
Right set of b***ards when we lose...'

The Di Canio Refrain (nominated by Sean McManus) As sung by Liverpool fans in response to the Hammers' traditional Di Canio song...
'You've got Di Canio, we've got your stereo....'

'Greasy Chip Butty' (nominated by Dave Barraclough) To the tune of Annie's Song by John Denver...
'You fill up my senses,
Like a gallon of magnet,
Like a packet of woodbines,
Like a good pinch of snuff.
Like a night out in Sheffield,
Like a greasy chip butty
Like Sheffield United
Come thrill me again,
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah....oooh.' [in a manly, thrusting sense, not a gay John Inman sense].

Oh Andy Hunt (nominated by Damian Carvill) To the tune of 'When The Saints Go Marching In'...
'Oh Andy Hunt, is good up front,
Oh Andy Hunt is good up front,
He's got a name that rhymes with fanny,
Oh Andy Hunt is good up front'.

Emmanuel (nominated by Kerry Smith)
'He's blonde, he's quick,
His name's a porno flick,
Emmanuel, Emmanuel.'

Sammy Lee (nominated by Mike Swords)
'He's fat, he's round,
His arse drags on the ground,
Sammy Lee, Sammy Lee.'

The Incest Family (nominated by David Yearn) To the tune of the 'Addams Family'...
'Your sister is your mother,
Your father is your brother,
You're shagging one another,
The (insert team) fam-i-ly - de, de, de, de, dum, dum.'

That's Zamora (nominated by Colin Dyer)
'When you're sat in Row Z, and the ball hits your head...that's Zamora!'

Sign On (nominated by Richard Bishop) Sung to Liverpool fans to the tume of 'You'll Never Walk Alone' by the opposition...
'Sign on, sign on,
With a pen in your hand,
Cause you'll never get a job...'

You Are My Solskjaer (nominated by Tony Crane)
'You are my Solskjaer, my Ole Solskjaer,
You make me happy, when skies are grey,
And Alan Shearer, was f**king dearer, oh please don’t take my Solskjaer away...'

Stand Up: An Alternative (nominated by Jamie Pover) Manchester City fans were told this year that they could not stand up when we travelled to Middlesbrough, hence the following song...
'Stand up, cos they said sit down,
Stand up, cos they said sit down.'

Heskey Wonderland (nominated by Marc S Duffy)
'There's only one...Emile Heskey,
One...Emile Heskey,
He used to be shite, but now he's alright,
Walking in a Heskey wonderland.'

Ode To The Roonster (nominated by Graeme Souter)
'He can only score in a brothel,
Score in a brothel...'

1st post in a hysterical thread, full thread here

Umm.. awkward and hypothetical question here, what if... how do I phrase this.. Lets say a "friend" of mine was "pleasuring himself" in the middle of working on upgrading his PC, with the card on the table, he made a "mess" of the card. After the reinstall, the card no longer works, while it was working perfectly before, my "friend" is curious what kind of damage would seminary fluid do to the GPU in question? It was all over the card and on the fan, is it possible the fan itself sucked the fluid into the main GPU and short circuited it? Remember before this card was working 100% and my "friend" observed nothing else out of the ordinary besides the semen.

Advice? can my "friend" return this card? warranty? anything "he" can do to repair it?

Secondly try this link http://grant.robinson.name/projects/montage-a-google/ tried it with www.knobby.co.uk and got this (click the image for a bigger picture)