How's this recipe for disaster?

One part unseasonably dry and windy conditions
One part burning leaf pile
One part mouse looking to bust shit up after being tossed in a fire

Can someone explain to me why the homeowner - who surely knows that the dry, windy conditions are favorable for a fire, considering 10 homes have burnt to the ground in recent weeks - was even burning leaves to begin with? And can someone tell me how quickly PETA will react to a guy tossing a rodent into a fire?

"I've seen numerous house fires," village Fire Department Capt. Jim Lyssy said, "but nothing as unique as this one."

Ask your doctor for a reason to take Panexa. He probably won't give you a good one, but, like most mystery drugs, chances are, you need it. Click below for a great spoof site, fully endorsed by Tom Cruise, and be sure to check out the fine print for a good laugh.

very good episode last night with some weird stuff going on in Charlies head ...

In FLASHBACK we see a pair of slippered feet whisk a young Charlie down a flight of stairs. It's Christmas morning and his brother Liam is already hard at work ripping open his presents. But while Liam continues to unwrap gift after gift, Charlie finds nothing at all for him. That is until his mother leads him over to a brand new piano. Charlie is thrilled, but before he can even begin to enjoy the gift, he learns it comes with a price.
Back on the island, Charlie is struggling with his forced isolation. He misses Claire and the baby desperately, but the feeling isn't mutual. Claire's doing just fine...with Locke.
Hurley takes the first tentative steps towards dealing with his attraction to Libby. Meanwhile, Sawyer and Kate begin to notice the growing connection between Ana Lucia and Jack -- and it doesn't make either of them particularly comfortable.

some more found was:



for a closer look click here

also the polar bear thing has gone a bit far now



Questions from last night ...
1. Why did Eko mark the trees?
He was marking his territory.
2. Why did Locke save the statues?
To use against Charlie in a later episode.
3. Why are they no longer living in the caves?
Because the hatch is closer to the beach.
4. What was the best scene?
When Ana asked Jack if he was "hittin that". LOL
5. Why didn’t Locke want Claire and Aaron to sleep in the hatch?
Because he is planning something bad and doesn't want to blow his good guy image.
6. Libby. Did she work at the mental institution, was she a patient at the institution, is she a other or none of the above?
I think she was a patient.
7. Was Locke punching Charlie overreacting or justified?
Once was justified, the rest were over reacting.
8. Who do you think the next person to die will be? (no I haven’t heard a rumor! )
One of the people that are part of the survivors but not the "main" character.
9. Will Claire forgive Charlie for taking Aaron?
It will be a long long time. I think eventually Charlie will expose Locke and she will forgive him then.
10. If there is a Other mole, who is it?
Locke (made a deal with the devil sort of thing)

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?


Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

http://www.yumlum.com/galleries/cocks/cock_sculptures.htm

One suspects the Register had the date pencilled in its diary for quite some time, but it is no less funny, or maybe depressing, for that. At midnight, the hour passed by which Bill Gates pledged two years ago to rid the world of spam.
In an address to the 2004 World Economic Forum in Davos, Gates announced that Microsoft was investigating three solutions to rid inboxes of unsolicited bulk emails. These centred on small-scale solutions (such as encryption or micro-payments) that would have little effect on individual users while making mass mailings too slow or expensive to be commercially viable. He said it would happen within two years.
But as you may have noticed if you opened your inbox this morning, there is still spam at large in the world today - a sender by the name of danzaid is, for example, in mine asking if I want to "turbocharge" my portfolio.
The Register, however, is not too hard on Gates for failing to follow through on the promise.
Blocking spam email would appear to be a simple problem but in practice is far trickier than Gates, or indeed the industry, first thought [...] Microsoft realised this soon after Gates' speech and the firm has modified its strategy.
The digital payment plan has been quietly shelved while the software giant has focused its efforts into building up a competency in email filtering, largely through acquisition, and chasing bulk mailers through the courts, where it has had a number of notable successes.
On the plus side, spam does appear to be under better control than was once anticipated. It is less than three years since warnings were uttered along the lines that spam would lead to gridlock on the information superhighway and kill off email

Wikipedia is full of weird little corners where someone felt some obscure thing was worth explaining at length. Take this as an example; a list of films ordered by uses of the word 'fuck'. The accompanying graph is especially informative.
This is an incomplete list, which may never be able to satisfy certain standards for completeness. Revisions and additions are welcome.This is a list of films arranged in order in which the word fuck is used.
Please note: The Devil's Rejects only has 203 "fucks" or derivatives according to IMDB (link - http://imdb.com/title/tt0395584/trivia)

Top 5 are ..

Rank/Movie/Year/Fucks/Minutes/Fucks per minute
1 The Devil's Rejects (2005) 560/109/5.13
2 Nil by Mouth (1997) 470/128/3.67
3 Casino (1995) 422/178/2.37
4 Martin Lawrence Live (2002) 347/113/3.07
5 Another Day in Paradise (1998/327/101/3.24

Not seen any of these but ones I have come in as follows ...

Rank/Movie/Year/Fucks/Minutes/Fucks per minute
7 Twin Town (1997) 320/99/3.23
10 Born on the 4th of July (1989) 289/145/1.99
15 Pulp Fiction (1994) 271/154/1.76
17 Reservoir Dogs (1992) 252/99/2.55
21 Goodfellas (1990) 246/145/1.70
26 True Romance (1993) 225/120/1.88
28 Scarface (1983) 218/170/1.28
29 Training Day (2001) 211/120/1.76
65 Lock,Stock & 2 Barrels (1998) 114/105/1.08
68 Point Break (1991) 105/120/0.88
69 Trainspotting (1996) 104/94/1.11 (suprised this is so low)


more here ...

That "M" in MRI stands for "magnetic". The machine uses a very strong magnet! From the website:

A supposedly ambulatory patient told a technologist that she was feeling rather tired and weak. She asked if she could sit down while the tech was entering data into the computer. So the tech let her sit in one of the console chairs. Since the woman was rather tired, the technologist pushed the patient into the room on the chair. Since this was an actively shielded magnet, she thought it would be OK. The patient got off the chair, sat on the table and gave the chair a little push with her feet. The chair rolled away and just kept right on rolling on a curved path to the magnet bore and flew right in. Fortunately, no one was hurt but it took almost a full day to ramp the magnet down, pull the chair out, ramp back up and check out the system.

More Flying Objects found in MRI Machine

Sven should be leaving, not after the World Cup, but with immediate effect. I think that the situation will have an even more negative effect on the players and of course Sven himself. Sven was never passionate about the team and he was just too busy looking after himself.
Good riddance, his behaviour since taking the job has been a disgrace. Whether he's sleeping with FA secretaries, flirting with Premiership chairmen or selling his players out to 'fake Sheikhs', his personal conduct has done nothing to suggest that he's committed to his job or his players.
The timing is absolutely barmy, typical FA. Imagine being told that you are going to be sacked in six months but, in the meantime, go out and win the World Cup. His mind will be on his next job, not on England winning the World Cup, but at least now we we have an excuse for not winning.

The Dawn Chorus ... something rather disturbing and perhaps even sinister has become apparent over past few weeks.
Rather than starting to sing a couple of hours before dawn , the birds are chirping away all through the night. Wake up at three in the morning,and they are already giving voice.
This is unnatural. It can't just be happening in Reading. Is there an explanation for this phenomenon? Do the birds know something we don't? Does this nocturnal agitation perhaps portend something that we cannot detect, just as canaries warn miners of impending doom?

Or do I need more sleep :-)

... we have moved up a gear on Lost

""Someone a whole lot smarter than anyone here once said "From the dawn of our species, Man has been blessed with curiosity. Our most precious gift, without exception, is the desire to know more - to look beyond what is accepted as the truth and to imagine what is possible"".

Where have we seen that before?

We finally found out why Jack is not married anymore. Of course we knew that he was not married once he got to the island and we already saw his wedding but we never saw what happened to his marriage. Now we know. She was cheating on him, even though he saved her from a wheelchair, and Jack was spending a lot of time away from her which eroded their marriage. Notice his father makes another appearance. A lot of screen time for a dead guy.

When the LOSTaways encounter THE OTHER in the jungle I thought at last we finally get some answers. No, no answers here just more questions. How does he know their names? Easy either Ethan told them or Walt or both. Besides the two spies Ethan and Goodwin this is the only OTHER that does any talking. He was the guy wearing the hat on the boat when they kidnapped Walt.
Some things to note about their conversation. First, the guy seems very certain that Michael will not find them. This implies to me that Michael was not talking to Walt on the computer. Locke comments that Michael was not headed back where the tailers (and therefore OTHERS) came from but seemed to know where he was going. THE OTHERS have sent Michael on a wild goose chase.
Also what was Michael shooting at? He would not waste bullets like that. Something is up. The comment that if you were invited to someone’s house would you go into rooms where you had no business? To me this may refer to the hatch but that is not clear. Also When Jack tells him that they had been there for 50 days this strongly implies that THE OTHERS have been there much longer. No surprise here as we all pretty much knew that. Since they know the island very, very well and are able to appear and disappear so easily. So how long have THE OTHERS been on the island? Many years I would guess. But if JJ is cooking up a surprise for us here I might have a clue what it is.
What if there is a biological agent on the island that can slow the aging process? THE OTHERS could then be very old indeed. They might even find members of the Black Rock in there. There have been some world war II references in the show. The DHARMA project may have nothing to do with THE OTHERS. The DHARMA people may also have been uninvited guests. Slowing the aging process is not unheard of in a JJ Abrams show. In his other show ALIAS they once had an episode with a 500 year old flower.
Of course all of this is just speculation squared on my part. Still, it would make a cool twist or a series finale when they finally learn the truth about everything. How many of THE OTHERS are there? I do not know but they significantly outnumber the LOSTaways. And by the way what was the other quote about curiosity? Curiosity killed the cat. Implying that THE OTHERS have no problem killing anybody.
When Kate is brought out Zeke says “bring her out Alex.” Alex was the name of Rousseau’s baby that was kidnapped by THE OTHERS. Does this mean that THE OTHERS raised Alex and then made her one of their own?
Another comment, how many times is Sawyer going to get injured in this show? The poor guy has been stabbed and then shot twice!

Nothing on LOST is an accident. Every shirt, album and prop has a purpose. What then does the album Geronimo Jackson mean? Has anybody every heard of this band? One thing it does make me think of is Charlie. He too was in a band and we already saw that his album was for sale in a bin called one hit wonders. In the future will they find CD’s of Driveshaft and say who are they?

The comment that Jack made at the end “How long would it take to train an army” is something I have been waiting for. Long ago I predicted that there would be a struggle on the island between THE OTHERS and the LOSTaways with the LOSTaways finally winning.

Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.

Frank: Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Chili Cook Off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light Truck when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and besides, they told me I could have free beer during tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHILI #1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge #1 - A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge #2 - Nice, smooth tomato flavor, Very mild.

Judge #3 - (Frank) Holy sh--, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHILI #2 - AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge #1 - Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge #2 - Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge #3 - Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when the saw the look on my face.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHILI #3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN

Judge #1 - Excellent, firehouse chili. Great kick.

Judge #2 - A bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge #3 - Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill; my nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all the beer.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHILI #4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

Judge #1 - Black bean chili with almost no spice, Disappointing.

Judge #2 - Hint of lime in the black beans, good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge #3 - I felt ! something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300lb woman is starting to look HOT - just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Ischili an aphrodisiac?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHILI #5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge #1 - Meaty, strong chili, cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge #2 - Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge #3 - My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher.! I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHILI #6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge #1 - Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge #2 - The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions and garlic. Superb.

Judge #3 - My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I **** on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHILI #7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION

Judge #1 - A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge #2 - Ho,! hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge #3 - You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHILI #8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge #1 - The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge #2 - This final entry is good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it, poor fellow, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

Judge #3 - No report.

A Welshman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub. They all have a stutter.
Th th th th three pi pi pi..........." says the Welshman.
Up steps the Irishman. "Three p pints of of of of gui gui gui.."
Then the Scotsman tries. "Th th th th th th th................."

Oh sod this !" says the beautiful landlady and walks away to serve someone else.
She returns ten minutes later and asks if they are ready to order yet.

"Th th th th three pi pi pi pi", stutters the Welshman. "Three pints of gui gui gui gui........." tries Paddy.
And then Scotty starts "Th th th th th th th...........".

"Look" says the beautiful landlady, "who loves a bet? If any one of you can tell me where you live without stuttering I'll I let you make love to me!"
Quietly confident that no one will win, she turns to the Welshman.
"Where do you live then boyo?"

"C C C C CC AAAA.......Rrrrrrr.... ."
"No. You lose." says the beautiful landlady. Turning to the Scotsman, "Where do you live Scotty?" she asks, trying not to laugh.

"E E E Ed Ed Edin Edin Edin Edinb."
"No. You lose." says the gorgeous woman.

"And Paddy, where do you live?" she purrs at the Irishman.
"London" blurts out the Irishman.
"Oh no!" says the landlady.
A great cheer goes up in the pub and the landlady reluctantly takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. Once in the bedroom she strips to her underwear, next she takes off her bra exposing a voluptuous bosom. Finally she slides off her panties then climbs into bed. Paddy with concentration furrowing his brow, climbs on and goes for glory, and then, right at the end he suddenly screams out.........D D D Derry!!"

got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.
"Wow!", I said, "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now!
I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge!
"Yeah", I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly!
She teased me, saying that she thought tubby bald men were cute!
"Anyway", "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!" she giggled...

...so I told her to f*ck off.

A farmer from Wiltshire has received an apology after he was accused of doing 85mph on his tractor in south Wales. Steve Crossman was sent a ticket after a speed camera on the A465 near Neath allegedly snapped him.
But the six-year-old green-and-yellow tractor has a top speed of only 26mph and has never been to Wales.
Mid and South Wales Safety Camera Partnership said it had misread a number plate and has apologised. The real speeding driver escaped a ticket. The first 49-year-old Mr Crossman knew of his tractor's alleged antics was when a letter arrived at home, Mill Farm in Horningsham near Warminster.
Classic quote: "It's a good tractor, but not that good. It can just about get up to 26mph, but that's downhill, with a following wind and with no trailer on the back."
more here

Incredible photo essay from Bangladesh shows how thousands of men reduce 240,000-ton tankers to scrap iron with crowbars, hammers and their bare hands.

When you're in open waters, there's no law against whipping out those fine boobies, so go for it ladies.

Englishman, Scotsman and Irish guy were all working on a building site and stopped for lunch.
The Englishman opens up his lunch and says, "CHEESE sandwiches AGAIN!!!! Why does she always make me CHEESE sandwiches??? I'm sick and tired of them, if she makes them again tomorrow I'm gonna throw myself off the roof."
The Scotsman opens up his lunch and says, "HAM sandwiches AGAIN!!!! Why does she always make me HAM sandwiches??? I'm sick and tired of them, if she makes them again tomorrow I'm gonna throw myself off the roof too."
The Irishman opens up his lunch and says, "TUNA sandwiches AGAIN!!!! if I get TUNA again tomorrow I'm gonna join you two going off the roof!!"

The next day they all open up their lunches,

"CHEESE!!!" shouts the Englishman, and without another word jumps to his death.
"HAM!!!" shouts the Scotsman, and without another word jumps to his death.
"TUNA!!" shouts the Irishman and he too jumps to his death.

well the three wives of the deceased decide to have a joint funeral as they were all such good friends,
"I don't understand it," says the Englishman's wife, "if he'd just told me once he didn't want cheese I'd have made something else."
"I don't understand it either," says the Scotsman's wife, "he never told me once he didn't like ham, I'd have made something else."
The Irishman's wife sat there looking puzzled, "what I don't understand about it is:



"HE MADE HIS OWN SANDWICHES"

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

1. You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

2. No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

1. Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10

2. No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. -- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

1. You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

1. Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

1. Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

2. On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

1. I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

1. When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7

2. The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. -- Curt, age 7

3. The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

1. I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. -- Theodore, age 8

2. It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

1. There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

1. Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. -- Ricky, age 10

Original Quote: klasse - habe karten abgeholt und durfte zwischendurch seine alte knallen - YES

Translation Quote: super - came for the tickets and was allowed to shag his wife in the meantime -- YES

eBay deleted dreamtheater766's feedback for 711bubi

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

***************

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"
"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $16,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."!

*****************

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

****************

A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.
The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.
"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."
"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames.

****************

A blonde was shopping at a budget store and came across a silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "That's a thermos . . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold"
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!"
So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk.
"What do you have there?" he asked.
"Why, that's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.
Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?"
The blond replied, "Two lollies and some coffee".

***************

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"