Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain.. do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

NOT TO MENTION...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.
58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.(guilty as charged)
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.
101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.
In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.

And finally.........

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most British thing of all?

Suspicion of anything foreign!

if this isn't fake then I'm wearing girls underwear ...



"The SurvivaBall is designed to protect the corporate manager no matter what Mother Nature throws his or her way," said Fred Wolf, a Halliburton representative who spoke today at the Catastrophic Loss conference held at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Amelia Island, Florida. "This technology is the only rational response to abrupt climate change," he said to an attentive and appreciative audience.
At today's conference, Wolf and a colleague demonstrated three SurvivaBall mockups, and described how the units will sustainably protect managers from natural or cultural disturbances of any intensity or duration. The devices - looking like huge inflatable orbs - will include sophisticated communications systems, nutrient gathering capacities, onboard medical facilities, and a daunting defense infrastructure to ensure that the corporate mission will not go unfulfilled even when most human life is rendered impossible by catastrophes or the consequent epidemics and armed conflicts.
"It's essentially a gated community for one," said Wolf.

Reading's first season in the premiership kicks off with a home game against Middlesborough.

19 Aug 06 PREMIERSHIP Middlesbrough H
23 Aug 06 PREMIERSHIP Aston Villa A
26 Aug 06 PREMIERSHIP Wigan A
9 Sep 06 PREMIERSHIP Man City H
16 Sep 06 PREMIERSHIP Sheff Utd A
23 Sep 06 PREMIERSHIP Man Utd H
30 Sep 06 PREMIERSHIP West Ham A
14 Oct 06 PREMIERSHIP Chelsea H
21 Oct 06 PREMIERSHIP Arsenal H
28 Oct 06 PREMIERSHIP Portsmouth A
4 Nov 06 PREMIERSHIP Liverpool A
11 Nov 06 PREMIERSHIP Tottenham H
18 Nov 06 PREMIERSHIP Charlton H
25 Nov 06 PREMIERSHIP Fulham A
2 Dec 06 PREMIERSHIP Bolton H
6 Dec 06 PREMIERSHIP Newcastle A
9 Dec 06 PREMIERSHIP Watford A
16 Dec 06 PREMIERSHIP Blackburn H
23 Dec 06 PREMIERSHIP Everton H
26 Dec 06 PREMIERSHIP Chelsea A
30 Dec 06 PREMIERSHIP Man Utd A
1 Jan 07 PREMIERSHIP West Ham H
13 Jan 07 PREMIERSHIP Everton A
20 Jan 07 PREMIERSHIP Sheff Utd H
30 Jan 07 PREMIERSHIP Wigan H
3 Feb 07 PREMIERSHIP Man City A
10 Feb 07 PREMIERSHIP Aston Villa H
24 Feb 07 PREMIERSHIP Middlesbrough A
3 Mar 07 PREMIERSHIP Arsenal A
17 Mar 07 PREMIERSHIP Portsmouth H
31 Mar 07 PREMIERSHIP Tottenham A
7 Apr 07 PREMIERSHIP Liverpool H
9 Apr 07 PREMIERSHIP Charlton A
14 Apr 07 PREMIERSHIP Fulham H
21 Apr 07 PREMIERSHIP Bolton A
28 Apr 07 PREMIERSHIP Newcastle H
5 May 07 PREMIERSHIP Watford H
13 May 07 PREMIERSHIP Blackburn A

Labels: Reading

Positives from the game ...

No bookings that matter
Finish top so Equador in next round
Probable goal of tournament from Joe Cole

errr....

Negatives from the game ...

Too many to mention here

Scientists, fearing the cataclysmic events of a polar reversal, prepared an environment for the survival of the human race. They either directly or indirectly engineered the kind of people who would make up a community fit for survival and propagation of a new world. In the main, this means characters without father/mother figures; and/or characters with skills for survival: a doctor, an engineer, a survivalist, a mercenary; and characters of sufficiently varied genetic background: african, caucasian, asian, etc. to ensure a healthy gene pool for generations.
Then on an island which already had a massive natural source of electromagnetism, they constructed an artificial magnetosphere, alluded to in Walt's/Hurley's comic:



to repel the deadly cosmic rays that Earth's magnetosphere used to repel. The hope was that the community could thrive, grow and, eventually, repopulate/recover the world.
The Dharma Initiative under Alvar Hanso (if both of these thing exist in the Lost reality - much of the Orientation film is red herrings for the 'survivors') used a technology based on remote viewing and electromagnetism to power this magnetosphere and to influence the lives of the future island candidates. As stated in another of my posts: every strange (and a lot of mundane) occurrences in Lost can be attributed to electromagnetism as wielded by the collective consciousness on the island (see "Enlightenment Theory"). When all the candidates were in place, i.e. on the plane, the collective consciousness knocked everyone out, brought it down, cryogenically preserved them, dismantled the plane (placing enough debris in the ocean to ensure an "everybody dead" verdict); years later, some plane debris was placed on the beach with the passengers and the scene was set to give the illusion that they had JUST crashed. Then the collective consciousness woke them up.

read a more detailed explanation here

More to be added

1. Italy - Mrs. Francesco Totti



2. Ukraine - Mrs. Andrei Shevchenko



3. Brazil - Mrs. Kaka



4. England - Mrs. Peter Crouch

Bet this lot could've put 10 past them

http://www.the-feeding-tube.com/index.php?itemid=813


Also some Zen For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

1. Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set.
2. A Day Without Sunshine Is Like.. ..................... Night.
3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers.
4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn't Familiar Territory.
5. 42.7 Percent Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The Spot.
6. 99 Percent Of Lawyers Give The Rest A Bad Name.
7. I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe.
8. Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.
9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below Average.
10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.
11. Depression Is Merely Anger Without Enthusiasm.
12. The Early Bird May Get The Worm, But The Second Mouse Gets The Cheese.
13. I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol.
14. Support Bacteria. They're The Only Culture Some People Have.
15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7 Of Your Week.
16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually The Sign Of A Bad Memory.
17. Change Is Inevitable, Except From Vending Machines.
18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It'll Be A Great Trade!
19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.
20. Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It!
21. If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing A Couple Of Payments.
22. How Many Of You Believe In Psycho-kinesis? Raise My Hand.
23. Ok, So What's The Speed Of Dark?
24. How Do You Tell When You're Out Of Invisible Ink?
25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked Something.
26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way, You're In The Wrong Lane.
27. Hard Work Pays Off In The Future. Laziness Pays Off Now.
28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Do Not Have Film.
29. If Barbie Is So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends?
30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges?
31. Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Do Not Get Sucked Into Jet Engines.
32. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?
33. I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Kept Falling Out.
34. I Couldn't Repair Your Brakes, So I Made Your Horn Louder.
35. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You For Your Name?
36. Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person Wondering What Happened.
37. Just Remember - If The World Did Not Suck, We Would All Fall Off.
38. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak.

very very nice

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION BULLETIN

Material Safety Data Sheet

WOMAN : A Chemical Analysis


Element : Women
Symbol : Wo
Discoverer : Adam
Atomic Mass : Accepted as 53.5kg but may vary from 40kg to 200kg
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas


PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason
2. Melts if given special treatment
3. Bitter if incorrectly used
4. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
5. Yields to pressure applied to correct points

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning for no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation of alcohol
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

COMMON USES

1. Highly ornamental – especially in a sports car
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
3. Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

POTENTIAL HAZARDS

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations, as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other

Finally took the plunge and bought myself a new bike.



Took a back to biking course last week and passed with flying colours and now one very happy bunny. I have just bought a Suzuki Bandit 650SA. The last time a owned a bike was over 20 years ago. This was a mid 70's Yamaha SR500 , which was at that time quite a steady tourer. The Suzuki is brand new and was supplied by George White Superbikes in Slough. I set out to buy a 400cc bike, but conversations with colleagues Steve Jelly and Glyn Brown persuaded me to test ride the Bandit 650 with the promise that I would not be disapointed with the performance - and you know what? They were right! The Bandit has a Suzuki 4 stroke in-line 4 engine, ABS, single headlamp, top screen, alarm and imobilizer and bright silver it looks pretty cool too. A sports bike with a gear box to play with and is fast enough to make the trip both fun and safe to work, by which I mean you can leave idiot car divers behind.

Model Suzuki Bandit 650
Engine 656cc, four-stroke in-line four
Power 76bhp
Torque 44 lb ft
Fuel 45mpg (est)
Performance 0-60mph: n/a
Top speed 120mph

Would make one hell of a splat on your windscreen



The Japanese giant hornet, Vespa mandarinia japonica, preys on other species of bees and wasps. When a solitary hunter finds a nest, it marks it with a secretion from its van der Vecht gland. Other hornets in the area congregate to the area, and they begin a mass attack on the colony. While they are efficient at wiping out hives of the introduced European honeybee Apis mellifera (they are killed at rates as high as 40 per minute), the native Japanese honeybee, Apis cerana japonica, has an interesting defense against the predatory hornet! The Japanese honeybees can detect the hornet's secretion, and attack incoming hornets en masse. With approximately 500 honeybees surrounding the hornet in a tight ball, the temperature within the cluster rises to 47º C (117º F), which is above the upper lethal limit range of 44-46 degrees for the hornet. This temperature is too high for the hornet, which quickly expires, but does not harm the honeybees.This temperature does not aversely affect the honeybees because their upper lethal limit is slightly higher, 48-50 degrees.