Oliver Holt is a complete and utter twat



Todays daily mirror has this little gem in the Oliver Holt column...I am almost lost for words with this twat, quite how he can write such drivel in a national daily paper I don't know.

STEVE'S NO SAINT
PLENTY of observers attempted to paint Stephen Hunt as a man of saintly innocence over his appalling challenge that fractured Petr Cech's skull. An accident, they said. Such a quiet lad, too. Not given to that kind of thing at all. No track record of nasty challenges. Not in his nature.
I thought of that when I saw Hunt launching a double-footed tackle at the Reading mascot 10 days ago in the aftermath of Reading's opening goal against Sheffield United. How playful.
And it appears Hunt's preferred goal celebration is not to punch the air or raise a forefinger in triumph. Funnily enough, it involves a manic double-footed challenge on the corner flag. (perhaps it was an anorexic Petr Cech).Anyone sense a pattern emerging here? Petr Cech probably does.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/oliverholt/

nice to see some people have got onto the mirror (rag) an made comment

Robin Whear from Sheffield 14:50:30 31 January 2007 reply
Oliver Holt, I'm afraid you are a fool and a very poor journalist.
How does an over-zealous goal celebration prove someone capable of maliciously causing harm to an opponent? It doesn't.
For your information, the mascot and corner flag have managed to pull through their violent ordeals. No further death threats are anticipated.
[QUOTE=Paul from Windsor] Re: Stephen Hunt|Oliver Holt, |I and everyone in the Thames Valley think you are wrong to continue to persecute Stephen Hunt.|From reading some of your columns, it seems clear as day that you are a Chelsea fan and you are incapable of writing an unbiased piece about any other team where Chelsea are the opposition and you are the only journalist still raking over this issue. The FA had a thoroughly good look at the incident and found Hunty innocent of any mal intent. Everyone else has moved on so isn't it time for you to do so as well.|Why don't you do a piece on the deplorable way that Robben, Drogba, Essien and Lampard dive all over the pitch and bully the Ref when they don't get the decision they want?|Or does Abramovich own the Mirror now as well?????
[QUOTE=Dave from London] [QUOTE=ian mack from newcastle] Re: Oliver Holt and Stephen Hunt.|Although you have not said it directly, I have a sneaky feeling that you are suspicious regarding Hunts "challenge" on Cech. Can't say I blame you. Video replays show that Hunt's knee was dragged onto Cech's head by Cech's arm as he slid past him. Accident. Yellow card. End of story but for an unfortunate clash.|Hunt is not a dirty player, but some - such as Holt, who is beginning to move towards being sued thanks to some of the lies he prints - want to paint Hunt as the next Savage, even blaming him for getting elbowed last week. Some claimed Hunt confronted Gillespie, when the opposite was true. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story, eh Oliver.
Dave from London 14:02:53 31 January 2007 reply
ian mack from newcastle said...
Re: Oliver Holt and Stephen Hunt.
Although you have not said it directly, I have a sneaky feeling that you are suspicious regarding Hunts challenge on Cech. Can't say I blame you. Video replays show that Hunt's knee was dragged onto Cech's head by Cech's arm as he slid past him. Accident. Yellow card. End of story but for an unfortunate clash.
Hunt is not a dirty player, but some - such as Holt, who is beginning to move towards being sued thanks to some of the lies he prints - want to paint Hunt as the next Savage, even blaming him for getting elbowed last week. Some claimed Hunt confronted Gillespie, when the opposite was true. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story, eh Oliver.

case closed Oliver (official twat) Holt

Labels: Reading

Reading’s home match against Wigan Athletic came hot on the heels of a FA Cup weekend that really heated up the collective football soul. With a crisp wind working its way round the Madejski Stadium bowl, all FA Cup memories and thoughts of a fifth round trip to Old Trafford were put aside very quickly as Wigan produced a brisk start. Reading were caught off guard after just three minutes when Emile Heskey fired in a shot low and hard, inside Marcus Hahnemann’s near post for an early lead. Caleb Folan could have stolen a second for Wigan when he volleyed a shot against the bar in the 13th minute.
Reading composed their play but found Wigan hard to break down. Stephen Hunt’s long range shooting was a sight to see, but on three occasions he was unable to deceive Wigan’s goalkeeper Chris Kirkland, the nearest being a shot that crept just wide of the right hand post. Leroy Lita headed wide in the 22nd minute, but it was clear that a Reading equaliser was only a matter of time. It came from the head of Reading defender Ivar Ingimarsson, following some neat work from Lita on the left side. The goal was scrappy, but deserved. Wigan though could have taken the lead before the break when Lee McCulloch produced a long-range shot that stung the hands of Marcus Hahnemann,
The second half brought a more cohesive approach from Reading. Six minutes in and Shane Long scored with a header from just a yard out. The Irishman was a constant threat to Wigan and should have added a third in the 77th minute but instead shot into Kirkland’s arms. Dave Kitson also should have grabbed another goal seven minutes from time when clean through. The recently returned striker blasted his shot over leaving Kirkland heaving a huge sigh of relief. That relief lasted just minutes as Leroy Lita, sealed the win with a poached header that followed a Kitson header that Kirkland tried to stop but was only able to divert towards Lita.
Wigan got a late goal when Denny Landzaat nipped in after Marcus Hahnemann dropped a Ryan Taylor free kick, but it was a consolation and was never going to pose a threat to Reading who ran out 3-2 winners.
The victory takes Steve Coppell's side back up to seventh in the Premiership, and only Chelsea, Liverpool and Man Utd have won more games at home this season.

Reading (4-4-2): Hahnemann; Murty (c), Shorey, Bikey, Ingimarsson; Harper, Sidwell, Little, Hunt; Lita (MoM), Long (Kitson 80)

Labels: Reading

:) :)

In 1928, Reading were involved in an all-time FA cup classic. They had been drawn away at Cardiff City, winners the previous year, in the third round. Cardiff took the lead fortuitously in the eleventh minute when a wild shot from inside left Nathaniel Downspout ricochet off a seagull and flew into the Reading net.

Reading fought back bravely, and were rewarded for their persistence in the sixty-fifth minute when striker Jimmy Car-Battery beat the offside trap and coolly slotted home the equaliser. The game ebbed and flowed until, in the 80th minute, Car-Battery was up-ended in the box. After consulting with the linesman, the referee found he could not reach a decision to award a penalty, as both officials had been somewhat unsighted, so the captains of each team agreed to a duel to settle the affair. The weapon of choice was pistols, and at the third pace, both captains turned and fired. Cardiff captain Francis Firearm shot wildly, but the Reading captain’s aim was true and he shot Firearm in the kneecap. At this turn of events, the referee had no choice to award Reading the penalty but dismiss their captain for un-gentlemanly conduct and grievous bodily harm. Striker Car-Battery confidently despatched the penalty to give Reading a 2-1 lead, which they successfully defended for the remaining ten minutes to record a famous victory. Unfortunately they lost 3-0 in the fourth round, away at Forest Green Rovers.

History: Reading were formed in 1871 and played at Reading Recreation Ground until 1878, before moving on to Reading Cricket Ground (1878-1882), Coley Park (1882-1889) and Caversham Cricket Ground (1889-1896). The switch to professionalism in 1895 resulted in the need for a bigger ground and, to this end, the club moved again, to the purpose built Elm Park on 5 September 1896. They were originally nicknamed “The Biscuitmen” after one of the main trades in the town, Huntley & Palmers biscuits, but changed to “The Royals” in the 1970s after Prince Charles had trials with them. At the time it created a media furore, and The Queen was often seen at Elm Park, cheering on her son. After a dismal season in which they were relegated to the Berkshire Shopfitters and Clergyman Combination, manager Giles Justifiable-Homicide had the bravery (and some would say reckless temerity) to drop the Prince, and he was promptly beheaded for high treason.

Famous Players: In 1979, whilst on holiday in Cleethorpes, Reading chaiman Roger Roger Over-And-Out was privy to an un-earthly vision from the next plane of existence. Whilst choking on a meat and potato pastie, and with no-one around to thump him on the back, Over-And-Out began to phase in and out of this reality and into the next, coming at last into the presence of the Grim Reaper. Rather than challenge him to the traditional game of chess, or simply accept his fate, Over-And-Out saw the potential in the Shade’s towering height, and offered him, in exchange for another fifteen years of life, a place in the Reading starting line-up.

That season, Reading goalkeeper Steve Death went an amazing 1103 consecutive minutes without conceding a goal. An English league record.

Trivia: Reading Football Club were the first football club to register their own fans as an official member of their squad, in recognition of the fact that the supporters in the stadium on a match day can sometimes influence the match just as much as a player on the pitch. The idea came from supporter Andy Manson in the summer of 2001 when the number 13 was left vacant by then boss Alan Pardew after the departure of the club's number 13, Keith Scott. Since then the "player" has been registered with squad number 13, named 'Reading Fans'. This backfired dramatically in 2003 at an away game at Watford, when with fifteen minutes to go and 1-0 down, the number 13 was raised mistakenly at a substitution, and the entire Reading away following steamed onto the pitch and scored an equaliser. As the supporters danced with jubilation, part of the pitch gave way and the Watford back four plummeted half a mile down a disused mineshaft. The match was subsequently abandoned and Reading were fined £10,000 and deducted four points for failing to control their players, with the match ordered to be replayed behind closed doors. Deprived of their super-sub in the re-match, Reading crashed to a 3-0 defeat.


http://www.sportnetwork.net/main/s501/st111004.htm

Labels: Reading

This is why

Bullitt


French Connection


Ronin


Nutjob


Bourne Identity


Blues Brothers (of course)


and last but not least, Italian Job Pt.1

Pt.2

Labels: Reading

more here

Everyone got what they deserved today. Reading gained three points, Sheffield United got nothing, De la Cruz scored an amazing goal; and Kieth Gillespie, Wally Downes and Neil Warnock (Colin Wanker = anagram of Neil Warnock) were sent off. Reading, weakened by the injury Doyle and Gunarsson, suffered further setbacks shortly before kick-off in losing Kitson and Shorey. For good measure Sonko hobbled off in the first half having fallen awkwardly. Reading fans could be forgiven if they felt it was not going to be their day. The odds were heavily stacked against them.
Neither side seemed capable of gaining the upper hand for most of the first half, but the most enterprising play came from Reading. Long burst through on the right but his could not find anyone with his cross. Murty and Little put over some decent crosses. De la Cruz seemed eager to get on the score sheet with couple of long range efforts. As half time approached the Royals generated a period of pressure. Space opened up in front of Murty who pushed forward and hit a scorching drive which had Kennny at full stretch to turn it round for a corner. Shortly before the interval Sonko collapsed in heap for the second time and was replaced by Bikey. After a lengthy delay Reading resumed their assault and Sidwell surged into the box and knocked the ball in for Long to finish at the near post. In the closing stages of the half United looked very wobbly at the back and Hunt had a header well saved by Kenny.
If United fans expected a spirited response they were to bitterly disappointed. Early in the half the impressive De La Cruz went on a mazy run across field released the ball and kept on running. Taking Harper's pass in his stride he drew Kenny and slipped the ball coolly into the net showing the composure in front of goal any striker would be proud of. Reading celebrated their goal as Warnock prepared his substitute Gillespie to enter the fray. Suddenly all hell broke loose. Hunt went down clutching his head and a melee of players and coaching staff clustered around the referee and his assistant. Gillespie, only on the field for a few seconds, rightly received a red card and then decided to resume his assault on Hunt! It was easy to see where he got his attitude from with his manager ranting as usual about an incident which had happened a few minutes earlier when Sidwell received a yellow card for a clumsy tackle. His antics were too much for Wally Downes who charged at him like an angry rhinoceros. Players squared up to each other all over the place. The referee sent Wally and Neil off and play resumed in a highly charged atmosphere. The United players had clearly lost the plot and a another sending off looked imminent. Lita was clearly revelling in it and was taken out by a very dangerous challenge by Davis who also got his just deserts injuring himself in the process and was forced to leave the field soon after.
Reading sealed their victory about twenty minutes from the end when Sidwell had his well struck shot blocked on the line and the energetic Hunt acrobatically tucked away the rebound. United finally created a chance with a lot help from the Reading defence who obligingly moved out to catch Nade offside and failed miserably. With only Hahnmenann to beat he made no mistake. It was too little too late. Seol came on for Long and tormented the United defence further. Little, not for the first time this season ballooned, a first time shot over from one of his clever passes back to the edge of the area. Convey came on and roamed around looked fresh and sharp and hit a good shot just wide. In the dying seconds Seol beat his man comprehensively on the half way line and only a good block with his legs prevented him adding a fourth.
A great win for Reading and another crucial three points won. De La Cruz, Hunt and Sidwell were superb, but it was team spirit and discipline that clinched the game today. Once again I can only marvel at the way Coppell produces performances like this even with weakened squad. Warnock on the other hand has once again spent heavily on mediocre players and can't produce anything like a decent team. United looked a good bet for relegation today and I have to say I would not miss them or their manager.

Labels: Reading

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice children you've got there. Are they twins?"
The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl:
"Of course they bloody aren't! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins?..... Do you really think they look alike, you dickhead?"
"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would shag you twice!"

Labels: Reading

Trading Standard Officers have ordered the urgent recall of a defective product found to be faulty and dangerous.

Over the Christmas and New Year period, tests proved the components in the product called “Chelsea FC” would fall apart when placed under the smallest amount of pressure. Consumers first experienced problems last year, when it was noted the product failed to work properly in Europe. Complaints were made about it malfunctioning and then emitting a continuous whining noise – usually in Portuguese. At the time the complaints were ignored. But when the product started falling apart in Britain over Christmas, the Trading Standards Authority took action.

A spokesman warned: “We particularly want to stress to parents that, with Chelsea FC, there is a genuine risk of choking that may end in tears come May.

Despite assurances from the company behind the product that action was taken to correct the faulty parts, including abandoning the use of the highly unpredictable and sub-standard component “Robert Huth” malfunctions have continued. Consumers have been urged to check the small print carefully for the words “this product may contain traces of Shevchenko”. If that is the case buyers of the product are urged to put it back in its box and return immediately. “Shevchenko” has been known to cause a severe allergic reaction in many consumers, causing them to shout involuntarily “You useless Ukrainian t**t and “For f*** sake bring back Carlton Cole.

Tits of Death is an all-girl UK rock band. All 5 of the girls are real lookers and have great names that go well with being in an all-girl rock band.

They are:

Marni Maelstrom (sings and screams)
Synthia DeBris (keytar)
Titania Tornado (evil genius and wailing lead guitar)
Debra Damage (bass guitar)
Kitty Darling (bass guitar)

The mathematically over-endowed amongst you will already have noted that:

1) This is a 10-breasted rock band.
2) They have two bass guitar players.
3) There are zero drummers. (As women sometimes do with other things, they let a machine fulfill their desires in that department.)

Aside from the obvious appeal of the band’s name and its members’ gender, their music is quite good.

Tracks are:

Poison Milk / Dirty Pillows / Iron Nipples


more here

Kill Counter© Guidelines
1. Only kills made by Jack Bauer will be counted.
2. Jack Bauer has to be present in order for a kill to be counted. No mind-control crap.
3. If Jack Bauer kills himself, a paradox will be created thus ending any future use of this kill counter and/or could end the world as we know it.
4. If Jack Bauer dies, the Kill Counter© will go on. Because...
5. If Jack's ghost kills someone, it counts.
6. Bonus points will be awarded if Jack goes beyond the call of duty in killing someone by taunting and/or torturing before killing them (see below).


Point System:
Jack Bauer with a gun (1 point)
Jack Bauer with a knife (1 point)
Jack Bauer with explosives (1 point)
Jack Bauer with his head (4 points)
Jack Bauer with his manpurse (5 points)
Jack Bauer with his upper body (2 points)
Jack Bauer with his lower body (3 points)
Jack Bauer's cell phone kills someone (0.5 point)
Jack Bauer kills CTU agent Jason Blaine (2 points)
Jack Bauer kills another member of CTU (-1 point)

Bonus Points:
Jack Bauer tortures someone before killing them (+1 point)
Jack Bauer says something cool before killing them (+1 point)
Jack Bauer says something cool and tortures someone before killing them (+3 points)
If Jack Bauer utters a "dammit" in the process of killing someone (+1 point/each)
If Jack Bauer wears aviators while killing someone (+1 point)
If Jack Bauer sports his manpurse while killing someone (+1 point)

Jack Bauer Combo Kills:
If Jack Bauer kills more than one person in one situation, here's how the combo points add up.
2 kills-in-1 (+2 points)
3 kills-in-1 (+6 points)
4 kills-in-1 (+8 points)
...10 kills-in-1 (+20 points)

and so on further info here

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not&nb sp;to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Rachel starts Brownies today so thought I would find out a bit more about it ...

In the early years of the 20th century, Robert Baden-Powell, a famous army general, developed a scheme for training boys. He tried out his ideas at a camp on Brownsea Island in 1907 and the following year published them in a book, Scouting for Boys. The book was an instant success and boys throughout the UK enthusiastically took up Scouting. As a result, Baden-Powell soon found himself organising the Boy Scout Movement.
At the Scouts' first rally, at the Crystal Palace in 1909, a small group of girls turned up. They represented hundreds of other girls and insisted that they wanted to be Scouts too.
In an age when skirts were ankle length and young ladies never ran, the idea of girls being involved in camping, hiking and similar activities received a mixed response. Angry critics denounced 'girl scouting' as a 'mischievous new development', a 'foolish and pernicious movement' and an 'idiotic sport'.
However, Baden-Powell's letters from this time show that he had a scheme for girls in mind. In 1910 he formed the Girl Guides, asking his sister Agnes to look after the new organisation. A few years later his wife Olave became involved and, in 1918, was appointed Chief Guide.
Such was the enthusiasm for guiding that it soon spread worldwide and since those early days countless millions have made the Guide Promise. Today there are ten million girls and women involved in guiding worldwide.
The pioneers who turned up at the 1909 Crystal Palace rally called themselves Girl Scouts, but when he founded the girls' movement, Baden-Powell decided that the name should change.
This was partly because he thought it would antagonise the boys for whom Scouting had been developed and alienate parents, who would not welcome such a tomboyish image for their daughters. But mostly he wanted to create a separate identity for the girls so that they could work for self-development independently, not in imitation of their brothers.
Baden-Powell had to think of a name, and soon he remembered that he had been particularly impressed with some 'Guides' in India. These men had operated on the north-west frontier and their main task was to go on very dangerous expeditions. Even when they were off duty the Guides were still training their minds and bodies. With this in mind, Baden-Powell decided that 'Girl Guides' would be a good name for these pioneering young women.

see if you agree

courtesy of popular mechanics - Today, many digital effects are so subtle that movie audiences often don't notice them — but it wasn't always so. We asked industry insiders to pinpoint the biggest breakthroughs in digital F/X history.

Staff at Britain's biggest tourist information centre have revealed some of the strangest questions they've received from confused travellers - ranging from 'Are there any lakes in the Lake District?' to 'Is Wales closed during the winter?'
The Britain & London Visitor Centre, on Regent Street in London's West End, gets over half a million holidaymakers dropping in each year for advice. But some of the questions have left them puzzled.
One visitor wanted to know: 'What is the entry fee for Brighton?' Another tourist asked, 'Can I get to Jersey any other way apart from sea or air travel?', suggesting that they favour some interesting modes of transport currently unknown by the rest of humanity. One that might have been useful for the person who asked staff in a Scottish tourist centre: 'Which bus do I get from the Orkney Islands to the Shetland Islands?'
Jet-lag seems a reasonable excuse for the visitor who asked: 'When is the changing of the guard at the White House?' However, the only excuse for the tourist who complained 'Why on earth did they build Windsor Castle on the flight path of Heathrow?' is that they were quite stupid.
The London Underground was responsible for a number of confusions – for the person who took the name of one of the stations a little too literally, asking 'Can you tell me who performs at the circus in Piccadilly?', and for the tourist wanting to know 'What Tube line runs to Edinburgh?'
Edinburgh was also baffling for the person who asked Scottish tourist staff 'Is Edinburgh in Glasgow?' And speaking of Glasgow, the person who asked 'Are there any Sheena Easton museums in Glasgow?' earns our undying respect.
Perhaps the most sensible question of all was the person who wanted to know: 'What time of night does the Loch Ness monster surface and who feeds it?'
But while some questions showed simple misunderstandings about facts, others suggest a more deep-seated confusion about how the world works. This would apply to the person who asked London staff 'In what city is your Tokyo office?', and also to the tourist in Scotland who wondered: 'What time does the midnight train leave?'
On the plus side, those questions were at least easy to answer.

Reading kicked off 2007 with a truly phenomenal performance. Having produced just one win during December, Reading didn’t just break a couple of records, they massacred them. Reading’s 6-0 victory is not only the best Premiership score of the season; it is also the best score ever at the Madejski Stadium. The last time Reading scored six goals at home was a 6-1 victory in April 1992 at Elm Park, when the victims were Torquay United. West Ham fans will not be keen to learn that Torquay finished, that particular season second from bottom of the old Third Division. A tenuous omen perhaps, but the hunger shown by Reading today was so apparent, that West Ham may consider themselves lucky to only concede six goals.
The rout began in the 12th minute when Brynjar Gunnarsson nodded home a Nicky Shorey free kick. Three minutes later another header gave Reading a 2-0 lead as the forehead of Stephen Hunt connected with Steve Sidwell’s cross to beat Robert Green in the West Ham goal. West Ham were clearly in disarray. Their confusion was illustrated by the third goal of the game, yet another header beat Green, but this time it was of his own defenders who did the damage; Anton Ferdinand. Kevin Doyle grabbed his ninth goal of the season in the 36th minute after good work by both Shorey and James Harper. With the half time score sitting at 4-0 it was difficult to determine who was the most stunned; the West Ham players, the West Ham supporters or the Reading supporters.
Reading’s hunger had given them a seemingly unassailable lead, but even in such uneven circumstances and with another 45 minutes still remaining the eternal pessimist in me still reared its ugly head. There really was no need. Reading scored a fifth goal in the 53rd minute courtesy of in form Leroy Lita, who shod in his now familiar yellow boots has got three goals in three games and has clearly found some top flight form at a very crucial time. Kevin Doyle will also be pleased to say that he too has returned to the form that we know he is capable of. Doyle collected his tenth goal of the season with the fourth headed goal of the match; Nicky Shorey was yet again the supplier, this time from a corner.

Labels: Reading